sintex Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Hi, I know it is a long text but I promise to update it when something new happens. I met my girlfriend in high school. We went to university and now we both have jobs. We were together for 10 years, in the last 5 we lived in my apartment. We were a nice love story for us and for all the people that knew us. We had our ups and downs but the worst fight we have ended in 2 days. We tought we were soulmates. This year I had some serious problems with my job and she had some very serious problems in her family (but she didn’t tell me). A lot of stress for both. We stopped going out (my fault) she complained but I didn't listen and she started going out with her friends or coworkers. One morning she came home, I looked at her and I knew something was wrong (I knew her very well). I asked her and she caved and told me she slept with a coworker. She told me that it was the first time this happened (I believe her) and that she felt in love with him and that she no longer loves me. She hopes we will be friends. We were both devastated by what happened and she told me it was unfair to live with me and think to another guy; that I am so much better than him but she loves him. Than she complained that I didn’t take her out, I am selfish and she wasted her life with me. After 1 week I asked her to choose (big mistake) and she told me our relation is over, after another week she moved to some relatives. I told her to give me a call after she is over with that guy. She told me that she will rather be alone. After this I read some stuff on the internet, got some advices from friends and started to look more self confident, be cool and detached, improve my look, try to give her space and be ok with the breakup and maintain if possible no contact. I also started to go out with friends plus I made some new friends. Our friends and families know about the break but most told her that she is making a mistake and that we will be together again. She doesn’t want to tell anyone at work that we broke up but some rumors exist. I talked with her best friend (girl) and she told me that: she is not herself (that was noticed by a lot of people), that guy is a jerk and not going out was my biggest mistake. She told me my ex doesn’t need me now, that she needs to take care of her problems. She told me that she is not behaving like a woman out of a bad relationship (she has experience with this). I told her that I am done chasing my ex (I laid) and that I want to continue my life. She told me to be patient and if she will notice that she needs a man she will tell me. Note that she is close to my ex, not to me. I try to maintain that now famous 30 days no contact but it is impossible. She has most of her things in my house because she has little space available in her new place (it is indeed small). She moves some stuff once or twice a week. We also had tickets to two concerts. We went together and some friends to the first but for the second I gave her my ticket. After the first concert I told her that I am done with her (I lied). On all these occasions, when other people are around she is smiling and puts a happy face. If we are alone she becomes sad (sometimes cries and we talk about what happened. In the first week (after she left) she told me that she loves the other guy but he dumped him (I heard he dumped her) because his family would not approve. Than she told me she wants to live alone for her entire life and dedicate her life to work. She noticed I am going out often. She makes me compliments: I look good, I am a special guy, smart, loyal, kind, good in bed and the she will never find someone like me again. Than she tells me that she loves the other guy with whom she cannot be. Last week she called me to go with her at the concert because she was feeling guilty (I bough the tickets). I accepted and before the concert she made again a lot of compliments. We were in public, we both looked in each other eyes and she started crying. I asked what’s wrong and she told me she cries for what she lost, I was speechless. A bit later, while talking about what happens in my life she told me that “people do change”. At the concert it is was cold and she asked if I can keep her in my arms if that doesn’t hurt me. After the concert she started again about how she loves the other guy but she cannot be with him. Today she visited me again for her laptop (she asked me to put some stuff on it). My sister was also there because she had some stuff to give her. She maintained a happy face, told us about her life. She also mentioned how she and her friend were commenting on how they expire and there is no man available. She is very attractive and I know a lot of guys that like her. When my sister left us she told me that she is sorry for what happened, that we had a beautiful love story but she is so sorry for the ugly end. I wished her success with her new love story and she told me that there is none. I told her to fight for what she loves but she told me she is done fighting and others should fight for her. I am getting mixed signals, she tells me one thing but her body language says a different thing. That was also noticed by my sister: she says one thing but they way sometimes she looks at me and the physical contact is more than just friends. I try to be strong and to rebuild my life as backup plan because I still want her. I don’t know how to maintain NC without her knowing that I am doing it on purpose. I never called or text her since she left but we still meet 1-2 times a week. Sometimes I feel it is without hope but most of the time I am still hoping. What’s your opinion? How should I proceed?
mma_j Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 My god, man. She is using you as an emotional security blanket, playing with your feelings, and let's not forget: she cheated on you. You deserve so much better. But that's probably not what you wanted to hear. The truth is, you must take it day by day. You sound like an awesome person, full of forgiveness. You're also in love, much like myself. It will take time to get over this. You're doing the right thing by limiting your contact with her. Each time, though, that you do this, you are reopening the wounds that you need to heal. You still have feelings for her and you're going to for a while. Allow yourself to feel them and be sad. It's not an easy process, so focus on your friends, family, and anything else that you can. Once you do this, you'll be able to slowly move to a better place. If I could only take my own advice... I know how you feel!
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