pr-girl Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I know this is an impossible question to answer since none of you are him, but I thought I'd at least give it a try... About a year ago, I met a man who was amazing. He was smart, funny, witty, successful, very attractive, and he really liked me. The only problem was I slept with him on our first date (which i RARELY do. He later attributed it to having really good chemistry). Living in Las Vegas, I assumed he would only see me as a "fun girl" to visit whenever he came to town. He was too good to be true. He had everything I'd ever wanted in a man and I thought I may have ruined it. I let my insecurities get to me and after only 2 months of seeing each other, I moved on to another man who I thought was "safer." Safer in the way that I thought he couldn't and wouldn't hurt me. Safer in the way that he wasn't "my type," but he was affectionate and amazing as well. (Both men are long distance.) Now, here's the challenge I have: The "safe" guy and I broke up. The former guy is now contacting me again. He said I really hurt his feelings when I started dating the safe guy. He thought we had amazing chemistry and he's always been "crazy" about me. I've seen him a couple times since the safe guy and I broke up and we've kissed each other, but nothing more. He now wants me to visit him in his hometown (which I've never done - another reason why he says I've hurt him). I called him and left a vm, then sent a follow-up text about the flight dates and still haven't received a response. He texts me "Good night, Sweetie" and "XOXO," but doesn't respond to my flight date questions. He did mention to a friend of mine that he is taking things slow with me since I "hurt him," and he's just protecting himself. But, where do I draw the line on disrespect? I'm not going to let him play games with me because I hurt him once. I apologized, but he had his part in this too. He was always hard to get ahold of, he was very aloof, etc. Do I let this go or maintain my mystery and see if he learns through my silence? Do I call and have a talk with him about it or does that make me look needy or desperate? It's too soon to know what to do. He thinks I'm visiting him in August. Do I still go? I don't really feel like he wants me to. He SAYS he does, but he isn't showing me. Am I crazy?
Virgo1982 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I know this is an impossible question to answer since none of you are him, but I thought I'd at least give it a try... About a year ago, I met a man who was amazing. He was smart, funny, witty, successful, very attractive, and he really liked me. The only problem was I slept with him on our first date (which i RARELY do. He later attributed it to having really good chemistry). Living in Las Vegas, I assumed he would only see me as a "fun girl" to visit whenever he came to town. He was too good to be true. He had everything I'd ever wanted in a man and I thought I may have ruined it. I let my insecurities get to me and after only 2 months of seeing each other, I moved on to another man who I thought was "safer." Safer in the way that I thought he couldn't and wouldn't hurt me. Safer in the way that he wasn't "my type," but he was affectionate and amazing as well. (Both men are long distance.) Now, here's the challenge I have: The "safe" guy and I broke up. The former guy is now contacting me again. He said I really hurt his feelings when I started dating the safe guy. He thought we had amazing chemistry and he's always been "crazy" about me. I've seen him a couple times since the safe guy and I broke up and we've kissed each other, but nothing more. He now wants me to visit him in his hometown (which I've never done - another reason why he says I've hurt him). I called him and left a vm, then sent a follow-up text about the flight dates and still haven't received a response. He texts me "Good night, Sweetie" and "XOXO," but doesn't respond to my flight date questions. He did mention to a friend of mine that he is taking things slow with me since I "hurt him," and he's just protecting himself. But, where do I draw the line on disrespect? I'm not going to let him play games with me because I hurt him once. I apologized, but he had his part in this too. He was always hard to get ahold of, he was very aloof, etc. Do I let this go or maintain my mystery and see if he learns through my silence? Do I call and have a talk with him about it or does that make me look needy or desperate? It's too soon to know what to do. He thinks I'm visiting him in August. Do I still go? I don't really feel like he wants me to. He SAYS he does, but he isn't showing me. Am I crazy? Don't let your insecurities get in the way this time. Ask questions and accept the answers.
Author pr-girl Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 Don't let your insecurities get in the way this time. Ask questions and accept the answers. I don't even know what questions to ask. I feel as though he pretends he's so interested in me, then pulls the reigns. Maybe he's playing with me? He's 37, for gosh darn sake! I don't like the games.
Author pr-girl Posted July 29, 2008 Author Posted July 29, 2008 So, I text him yesterday around 5pm, "Hey. I was going to book the flight to Sac, but haven't heard back from you. Let me know today or I'll assume that weekend is bad for you. Thanks." He wrote back this morning, "Hi. Sorry. Haven't been able to even think about that weekend yet. New job craziness. Fell asleep at 5pm yesterday." I think it's an excuse. He still didn't respond to me flight dates question. I think he's just trying to string me along. I'm going to move on.
mental_traveller Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 You can't treat him the way you did, then expect him to come crawling back. You either have to eat some serious humble pie and show some contrition (acts not just words) and patience, or forget about him. You are trying to have your cake and eat it. Treat him like crap, then demand to be treated with respect. No quality guy is gonna put up with that sh*t.
Author pr-girl Posted July 29, 2008 Author Posted July 29, 2008 You can't treat him the way you did, then expect him to come crawling back. You either have to eat some serious humble pie and show some contrition (acts not just words) and patience, or forget about him. You are trying to have your cake and eat it. Treat him like crap, then demand to be treated with respect. No quality guy is gonna put up with that sh*t. Maybe I didn't explain this story correctly. In the beginning, when we met, D was very charming and pretty, but he was only there when he'd come to gamble. He never came to see ME. He came to Vegas to "play" as he calls it. I did "hang in there," but my heart went to another man who would actually call me back and respond to my texts and emails. J, the other guy, was beautiful to me in how he treated me. He was genuine and thoughtful and honest. D would never answer my calls and it would take a day or 2 to get a call back. J and I would chat for hours on the phone. J was obviously the one who cared more. Then, J and I broke up (not by my doing) and D noticed on my MySpace that I was single again. He began reaching out to me, but this time he had a gf. I was friendly, but nothing more out of respect for his gf. He said he really cared for me and that I hurt his feelings by choosing J over him. I apologized, but explained that there were reasons why I did - D's actions. Now, he's single again. He just told me last week that he wants a "deep, meaningful relationship" with me and that he doesn't want it to be based on just "sex." (We haven't been intimate at all since we stopped seeing each other.) I believed him and thought I'd begin showing him I'm willing to try if he is. (There were things about him I really did admire and I thought it was worth a shot.) When he and his gf broke up, he said he wanted ME. I saw that today, he just signed up for Match.com again. I no longer believe him. He doesn't return my calls, he texts me generic texts at random times and he invited me to CA only to later ignore my attempts to book the flight. I'm sorry, but we all make mistakes. How long am I supposed to take disrespect as payment for my mistake? I think there is a line that once crossed, I be done. I think that line was today. Am I wrong??
justaman99 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 So, I text him yesterday around 5pm. STOP TEXTING! Pick up the freakin phone and talk. This world is going to go to hell with all this email, texting, passive hiding crap. Social interaction skills are going straight into the toilet.
Author pr-girl Posted July 30, 2008 Author Posted July 30, 2008 STOP TEXTING! Pick up the freakin phone and talk. This world is going to go to hell with all this email, texting, passive hiding crap. Social interaction skills are going straight into the toilet. I completely agree, but he never answers when I call and he doesn't call me back. He's 37 years old and can only text me back. This is my issue. This is why I think he's stringing me along.
justaman99 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 I completely agree, but he never answers when I call and he doesn't call me back. He's 37 years old and can only text me back. This is my issue. This is why I think he's stringing me along. A guy who is 37 and resorts to texting is not someone you want to be with. If he can't be open with you, talk to you like a man at that age, at the very least on the phone then he's not worth it. So he never answers and he doesn't call back. Why even bother then? -Just
Author pr-girl Posted July 30, 2008 Author Posted July 30, 2008 A guy who is 37 and resorts to texting is not someone you want to be with. If he can't be open with you, talk to you like a man at that age, at the very least on the phone then he's not worth it. So he never answers and he doesn't call back. Why even bother then? -Just I've decided to let it go. I've known him almost a year, but it's alright. Not too much invested. I feel as though he "got me back" for what I supposedly did to him. But, they funny thing is - I don't think I hurt him the way he said I did. I just think he's been playing me. As for the texting, I'm done. I ignored his text today. He didn't ask me a question, so there was no need to answer. He'll text me in a few days or so and expect a response, but I'm done. I'm not going to be disrespected. This is getting much easier for me lately... letting go. As long as I don't invest much in the beginning, I'm fine. No harm, no foul, right?
Prodigal Princess Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 I've decided to let it go. I've known him almost a year, but it's alright. Not too much invested. I feel as though he "got me back" for what I supposedly did to him. But, they funny thing is - I don't think I hurt him the way he said I did. I just think he's been playing me. As for the texting, I'm done. I ignored his text today. He didn't ask me a question, so there was no need to answer. He'll text me in a few days or so and expect a response, but I'm done. I'm not going to be disrespected. This is getting much easier for me lately... letting go. As long as I don't invest much in the beginning, I'm fine. No harm, no foul, right? Good girl, this is the right decision. This guy was obviously stringing you along and not serious about wanting you to visit him. I think he just liked the attention and wanted to keep you as his Plan B girl. F that! I say begin No Contact straight away. Don't demean yourself by engaging with him any further.
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