FLHeather Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 i've been reading the posts and i see where people talk about snooping and finding things that they wished they hadn't and i never thot it would be me. but now it is. my bf and i have been 2gether for 2 yrs, 3 mos. 2 weeks ago, i found pics of his ex gf on his computer. it pissed me off. not cutesy little smiley pics. x-rated pics of her body parts. i saw her face in a few of them, so i know it's her. i never knew her personally, just what she looked like. we had a huge fight. he said i had no right to go thru his computer. i said maybe but what the hell is that crap still doing in your possesion?!?!?!? he said he has lots of pics on his computer and he never really goes in and deletes anything. he said he would get rid of the pics. we didn't break up but things have been rather cool lately. yesterday, i went to put a love note in his briefcase. you know, a sweet little "i know things have been rough lately but i love you" note. there was a disc in his briefcase with his ex's initials on it. so, yes, he took the pics off his computer BUT HE PUT THEM ON A GD DISC AND STILL HAS THEM. WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
a4a Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Choice: accept it or don't. My guess if you confront him - you snooped in the case - bad you! he took them off the computer as you requested - good him - bad you. What is the infatuation with the ex? and are you sure these are not new photos of her that she recently gave to him?
JustinWolf Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 What makes you think the pictures are on the disc? Just because of the initials?
Peter_pan Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 yeh he got them off the pc , now there on disc. he should put this disc away..
Author FLHeather Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 why keep x-rated pics of an x you broke up with over 2 yrs go????????? i'm not a prude. i've looked at internet porn with him. we have a great sex life. i wouldn't take issue with regular pics. i have photo albums from high school and college. there are a couple of x-bf's in them. no big deal. i'm not the kind of girl who breaks up and burns all the pics. but these are X-RATED pics of an x-gf. extremely personal, IMO. why does he need to keep X-RATED pics of an x-gf??
Author FLHeather Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 Choice: accept it or don't. My guess if you confront him - you snooped in the case - bad you! he took them off the computer as you requested - good him - bad you. What is the infatuation with the ex? and are you sure these are not new photos of her that she recently gave to him? i DON'T accept it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they aren't new pics. i checked them out enuff to know. but why keep them?? is it some guy thing i don't get? do guys keep all x-rated pics to catalog their conquests??
Author FLHeather Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 yeh he got them off the pc , now there on disc. he should put this disc away.. he said he would "get rid of them" and he KNOWS how pissed i was. putting them on a disc is NOT getting rid of them. it's just moving them.
Author FLHeather Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 What makes you think the pictures are on the disc? Just because of the initials? i thot the same... until i popped the disc in the computer. he just moved them. he didn't 'get rid of them' like he said he would. we share an apt. we have a filing cabinet with all kinds of personal paperwork in it that either one of us can go thru at any time. we leave our cell phones on the counter. he'll answer my phone if it rings and i can't get to it. no big deal. it's his laptop but i've used it plenty. i thot we didn't have any secrets.
BrooklynBridge Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Just to give you a male perspective on this, and DISCLAIMER, this doesn't justify your douchebag boyfriend's owning those pics, however, this will clue you into what his mindset is. He kept them b/c that's the closest thing he'll have to a trophy of a past conquest, he probably rarely looks at them, but knowing that he has them, he's thinking, "this is what I once had" Deleting them forever deletes the fact that he was ever with her. Sound dumb? Yes. But that's how some guys operate. If you want to break his balls for this, take hot nude pics of yourself, send them to him and tell him that's all he's gonna get from you until he comes clean and deletes everything! PWNED!
silvergirl Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Guys and girls sometime collect things like trophies. If you are absoultely sure they are not new pics, and they are from when they were together, I would accept it. Obvoiusly they mean something to him, and he may not be fully over her. Are you jealous of the way she looks?
Keridan Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Hit that boy ... HARD! Are you sure that's what's on the CD? Initials doesn't seem very specific. If it is, it's time to have a talk with him about honesty and listening to the spirit of an agreement, not taking it word-for-word. I'm very sorry for what you are going through. That has to be infuriating. I wish I had an easy answer. I do hope you find out that it's something entirely different and he's not such a bad boy.
Author FLHeather Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 Guys and girls sometime collect things like trophies. If you are absoultely sure they are not new pics, and they are from when they were together, I would accept it. Obvoiusly they mean something to him, and he may not be fully over her. Are you jealous of the way she looks? no, i don't mean to sound snotty in any way but i'm definitely not jealous of the way she looks. maybe that's another reason i'm puzzled by why he has these pics. i never once got the impression that he was still getting over an ex-gf. we've been together for over 2 yrs, living together for 1 yr.
Author FLHeather Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 Hit that boy ... HARD! Are you sure that's what's on the CD? Initials doesn't seem very specific. If it is, it's time to have a talk with him about honesty and listening to the spirit of an agreement, not taking it word-for-word. I'm very sorry for what you are going through. That has to be infuriating. I wish I had an easy answer. I do hope you find out that it's something entirely different and he's not such a bad boy. they are definitely the same pics. he just moved them. but I'M the bad guy if i confront him again???? i didn't leave the love note in his briefcase, i decided i didn't want him to know yet that i saw the disc and looked at it. ick... seems like such a douchebag thing... never expected it from him.
a4a Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 interesting that he would put her initials on the CD..... now if just looking at some wank material I would think a more abstract title would have been written. Like "hot disc" or ta ta's Perhaps it is time for a calm heart to heart. after 3 years I would not think such pictures would have any meaning. Deleted for good. I still think he might be in contact with her more recently than you are aware of. This would be like you boxing up old love letters and writing on the box "love letters from Joe" vs old letters.
Author FLHeather Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 What you do is you destroy the disc and replace it with an empty disc. :lmao: :lmao: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why didn't i think of that?! i was too blinded by rage!! the initials he wrote were on the case, so it would be easy to put another BLANK disc in the case!!!! that's EXACTLY what i'm going to do. and if he discovers it and freaks on me, he'll have to admit that he was trying to look at them again!! ahhhhhhh - lovely disaster - i love ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Keridan Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Wait! Don't put a blank CD in there! You can do better ... find some really bad porn online ... whatever bothers him most. Guy-on-guy, BBW, whatever. Then if he confronts you, look at him blankly and say "Are you sure you didn't put that there? Is there something else we should talk about? Pervert!" He's a jerk for what he's pulling! I would tell him that the honesty factor had better improve if he wants you to keep him around. It's so shady to have just moved them. Sorry again for what you are going through.
silvergirl Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Also, the fact that her initials were on it, almost makes it seem like there may be more, as in other pics of other girls. If you don't mind me asking, has he taken these type of photos of you, it may be a fetish. Like I said before though, people collect things from past relationships as trophies and or momentos.
Author FLHeather Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 Wait! Don't put a blank CD in there! You can do better ... find some really bad porn online ... whatever bothers him most. Guy-on-guy, BBW, whatever. Then if he confronts you, look at him blankly and say "Are you sure you didn't put that there? Is there something else we should talk about? Pervert!" He's a jerk for what he's pulling! I would tell him that the honesty factor had better improve if he wants you to keep him around. It's so shady to have just moved them. Sorry again for what you are going through. ROTFLMAO!!! even better!! at least i can turn this into something fun... fun for ME anyway!! *muah*
Author FLHeather Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 Also, the fact that her initials were on it, almost makes it seem like there may be more, as in other pics of other girls. If you don't mind me asking, has he taken these type of photos of you, it may be a fetish. Like I said before though, people collect things from past relationships as trophies and or momentos. yes, we've taken some pics before. they're on a memory card for the digital camera and we never put them on his laptop. the card is kept separate from any other cards and i know where it's at. damn. i'll be double-checking tonight. i get what you're saying and appreciate the input but i don't believe it's a fetish of his. he didn't insist on the pics or get too overly excited when we took them and never uploaded them to the laptop or anything like that. unfortunately, i think he's just being douchebag. i'll bet that if he found me with pics of an x-bf's "gear," his head would explode.
Keridan Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 ROTFLMAO!!! even better!! at least i can turn this into something fun... fun for ME anyway!! *muah* If you choose to do this (and I hope you do), please please please log on and tell us his reaction. It's not very often someone gets such an obvious chance to make entertainment out of a spouse being a butt-head
jadedone Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 He may be saving them for a rainy day, like if someday you two break up, so that he has some "motivational material" for self pleasure. As long as they are old, I wouldn't worry about it.
Author FLHeather Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 He may be saving them for a rainy day, like if someday you two break up, so that he has some "motivational material" for self pleasure. As long as they are old, I wouldn't worry about it. i'm not preparing for the END of our relationship. why should he? IMO, that's a piss-poor excuse to keep x-rated pics of your x. again - he said he would 'get rid of them' because it upset me. he didn't say he was going to move them to a disc so he could still keep them and hide them behind my back to look at them again whenever he feels like it.
rproctor Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Just scratch the cd up, or break it, or something. If he gets mad, just tell him now you guys are even. Really there is no reason for him to keep the photos, ESPECIALLY if he knows that it makes you uncomfortable. Im sure the ex wouldnt want him to have the pictures anyways.
Keridan Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 i'm not preparing for the END of our relationship. why should he? IMO, that's a piss-poor excuse to keep x-rated pics of your x. again - he said he would 'get rid of them' because it upset me. he didn't say he was going to move them to a disc so he could still keep them and hide them behind my back to look at them again whenever he feels like it. You are absolutely right. I would expect my wife to beat me within an inch of my life if I was doing this. You can't move forward with a relationship if you're stuck in the past and/or planning for the end instead of the future. I personally don't even wonder about my ex's, much less keep clothed pics of them around. He's a butthead and deserves a yelling.
Author FLHeather Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 Just scratch the cd up, or break it, or something. If he gets mad, just tell him now you guys are even. Really there is no reason for him to keep the photos, ESPECIALLY if he knows that it makes you uncomfortable. Im sure the ex wouldnt want him to have the pictures anyways. *giggle* yes, that would be easy to do but keridan's idea (and lovely disaster's) seems like much more fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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