coffeemaker Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I know, I've been blown off. I got the classic "I'm not ready" nonsense after 5 dates. She asked me to hang out and then never got back to me to make plans. I called her that b*llsh*t and she kept pushing the friend angle and then ended the phone conversation with "I'll call you to make plans." Instead of letting it be, I sent her this. I know it was a mistake to even waste the energy but, I'm just having a tough time letting go of this one. I suspect I will never hear from her again. [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana]Hey – Somehow I always end up having these late nights. Gotta love dealing with a three hour time difference when your business partner is in California. Anyway, thanks for clarifying things earlier. I really had a great time hanging out with you but, to be clear, I have absolutely zero interest in being “just friends”. I’m not going to delude myself into thinking the arrangement works for me, and I wouldn’t be a very good friend to you if I did. So, don’t bother making plans or getting in touch in the near future. Figure your things out professionally/personally and when you get to a point where you’re comfortable dating seriously again, and if you want to give this another go, you know how to contact me. Please do not get in touch otherwise. -xxxx[/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT]
sunshinegirl Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Hi Coffee, I don't know the details of what happened, but I'm sorry for your disappointment. Sadly, you are probably right that you won't hear from her. Your message was pretty harsh; basically "if you ever get your act together, you know how to find me." Not exactly a warm invitation to reconnect, ya know? I got blown off like you did once - we had gone out 3 or 4 times, then he just disappeared. I was quite disappointed for a couple of weeks, but I pretty quickly met someone - actually a couple of someones - who were a better match for me anyway. (((hugs)))
Author coffeemaker Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 Thanks sunshinegirl - I know it was harsh, but I tried the warm invitation before, about 3 weeks ago when I made my romantic intentions clear. I put it together in a nice little photo & make a cute story out of it. My gal-pals thought it was a great idea. Anyway, I maintained my distance, then bumped into her on the 10th. I was friendly, polite, and distant. And then, during that conversation SHE suggested we meet up. I gave it 3-4 days, told her I was free to meet sometime the following weekend. That was 2 Sundays ago. Then on Tuesday, she gets back to me with (w/o me prompting her), I'm not sure about my schedule, will let you know. I NEVER hear back from her. Considering she knew my intentions and that I had given a warm invitation back b4, that was just cold on her part - from my perspective equally harsh. So i called her on it (as mentioned in the previous post - ppl should have some integrity). Back to her pushing the friend angle multiple times in the conversation, fast forward to my email. I still don't know why i can't let this go - just felt a strong emotional connection to this one. I actually feel badly for being so pointed and direct.
Author coffeemaker Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 there's absolutely no way I can repair this huh?
sunshinegirl Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 there's absolutely no way I can repair this huh? No. Move on. And, to be honest, in my opinion you invested much too much emotional energy in her. It was only five dates. I know it's disappointing, believe me. But you're more than likely upset because you developed some big fantasy idea of who she is. You don't actually know if she's as great as you wanted/hoped. And she has made it VERY clear she isn't interested.
Author coffeemaker Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 -most probably true. Oh well. Thanks for the advice! Really appreciate it.
Yamaha Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Going from a romantic intrerest to friends never works unless you both want the same thing. The person doing the friends thing has already decided you are not right for them but the other person still wants the romance. You will just hang around hoping they will see you differently and get frustrated and angry in the end. Let her go. You were not to harsh and you let her know where you stand. Don't be afraid to express your views. If she doesn't see you in that light find someone who does. Don't settle for friendship when it would never work for you.
CaliGuy Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I know, I've been blown off. I got the classic "I'm not ready" nonsense after 5 dates. She asked me to hang out and then never got back to me to make plans. I called her that b*llsh*t and she kept pushing the friend angle and then ended the phone conversation with "I'll call you to make plans." Instead of letting it be, I sent her this. I know it was a mistake to even waste the energy but, I'm just having a tough time letting go of this one. I suspect I will never hear from her again. [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana]Hey – Somehow I always end up having these late nights. Gotta love dealing with a three hour time difference when your business partner is in California. Anyway, thanks for clarifying things earlier. I really had a great time hanging out with you but, to be clear, I have absolutely zero interest in being “just friends”. I’m not going to delude myself into thinking the arrangement works for me, and I wouldn’t be a very good friend to you if I did. So, don’t bother making plans or getting in touch in the near future. Figure your things out professionally/personally and when you get to a point where you’re comfortable dating seriously again, and if you want to give this another go, you know how to contact me. Please do not get in touch otherwise. -xxxx[/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT] I wouldn't have sent anything, but that's just me. Someone who doesn't see you as anything more than a friend when you see them as a love interest just isn't worth pursuing. Also, I would never say "if you ever want to give this another go..." It's like saying "I'll wait around for you till you're ready" which they never will be. It simply boosts their ego at the expense of yours. Be confident. You don't need her, no matter how much you fancy her.
Author coffeemaker Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 Clearly i have no issues expressing my views - just fancied this one and quite frankly was never drawn in to someone so quickly. It's a novel and odd experience for me. I know I don't need her, I'm not waiting around, but given my interest, and her coming out of her one and only long term 5 year relationship, I figured i'd keep the door open and make it clear. Her "i'm not ready" could be legit. I can't hang out with her for precisely the reason that it would just draw me in emotionally even more. Plus, i personally hate the fade out. If i'm going to ignore someone, i'd rather be upfront about it. Besides, if she can handle the directness and decides to come back (very very unlikely), then I figure that's a good thing. Anyway, i don't expect to ever here from her again and I sent that email in that frame of mind. I'll let go of it in time - this is just harder than usual at the moment. Thanks for all the feedback!
CHANTRESS Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I think it IS possible to have some sort of "connection' with someone in a short period of time. Not neccessarily emotinal investment, but definetely enough of a connection to feel disappointed if it didn't work out. CM, I am sure you liked her but like Sunshine Girl said, she may have not even been who you thought. It's easy to get caught up in the "what if's". You were upfront and told her how you felt, so at least you put yourself out there. That takes a lot of self confidence either way you look at it.
sfsassy Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I know, I've been blown off. I got the classic "I'm not ready" nonsense after 5 dates. She asked me to hang out and then never got back to me to make plans. I called her that b*llsh*t and she kept pushing the friend angle and then ended the phone conversation with "I'll call you to make plans." Instead of letting it be, I sent her this. I know it was a mistake to even waste the energy but, I'm just having a tough time letting go of this one. I suspect I will never hear from her again. [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana]Hey –[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana]Somehow I always end up having these late nights. Gotta love dealing with a three hour time difference when your business partner is in California.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana]Anyway, thanks for clarifying things earlier. I really had a great time hanging out with you but, to be clear, I have absolutely zero interest in being “just friends”. I’m not going to delude myself into thinking the arrangement works for me, and I wouldn’t be a very good friend to you if I did. [/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana]So, don’t bother making plans or getting in touch in the near future. Figure your things out professionally/personally and when you get to a point where you’re comfortable dating seriously again, and if you want to give this another go, you know how to contact me. Please do not get in touch otherwise.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana]-xxxx[/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT] A man after my own heart! Even with the guy I like now, who I am being friends with, his romantic woes are a forbidden topic between us, as something might happen later on, and I have no desire to hear about his g/f who he is deciding to dump or not.
Author coffeemaker Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 As well they should by sfsassy, as well they should be! You don't need to hear about that man's g/f. Frankly, I don't know how you do it - be friends. It's a tough position to be in and it's not something I can do with this one. I was never friends w/her before, and it won't end well if I try. Five dates is a short time, but when you're just drawn to someone, you just are. It's totally and completely irrational, but it can happen. She kinda just said and did the right things - bypassed a lot of this mental checkpoints w/o a hitch. Like i said, this is a rather unique occurance for me. I'm not gonna lie, I hope, months from now (no way, I'd jump back on this train tomorrow), she'll call me up. She knows exactly where I stand, and right now I'm just trying my best to kill the hope. Definitely wish it were easier
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