stillafool Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 I'm glad you moved out and are moving on. I definitely think the only reason she wanted to continue to work there was to be near this OM. What an idiot. I'm glad you didn't settle for "second fiddle". Screw her! Trust me, she may not know it now but she's gonna miss you and want what you guys had back. I hope when this happens you will be deeply in love with a woman who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. My mother left my dad and us 3 kids for another man when I was 18 mos. old. It was rough for my Dad for a while but he worked hard and stood by kids like a mighty oak tree. God rewarded him and us with the most beautiful wife/mother we could have ever imagined. I wouldn't have traded her for the world. So you just do the right thing and keep your head up.
Owl Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Floaton- I'm sorry you're going through this, man. Something to consider...its hardly surprising that your wife is depressed at this point...her whole life is coming down around her ears, and frankly...its all her own fault, and she knows it. Its funny how she posted here thinking that everyone would agree that there's no problem in working with OM...when she already knew that it was what was preventing her from moving on in recovering her marriage in the first place!! I'm actually amazed that she was foolish enough to try to do this... But this all clearly highlights exactly the point that you had...and that the rest of us have reiterated tons of times on this site...you CANNOT recover a marriage while still in contact with an OM/fOM...the two actions are mutually exclusive to each other. Glad to hear that you're willing to do what you need to so that you and your family are protected. I wish you the best...and regardless of how this works out (divorce or reconciliation)...I hope you keep coming here for support. Hang in there man.
Owl Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Oh...one more thing to consider telling your wife... On this site, there are people from all three sides of an affair. She received advice from BS's (betrayed spouses)...and out of us, there are a good mix of those who ended their marriages AND some of us who have recovered our marriage after our spouse's affair. (I'm one of the latter, for example). There are also WS/fWS...the ones who cheated and had the affair. Not too many of those, but there are some. And out of those...there are ones that recovered their marriage, and there are ones who didn't. And there were also a lot of OW/OM who posted on your wife's thread...either currently engaged in their own affair with a married partner, or attempting to move on. You weren't given advice solely from one "side". Nor was all that advice bitter...other than the voice of bitter EXPERIENCE. What your wife got was the truth...unfortunately (and the reason she got so angry) she wasn't here to hear the truth...she came to hear something to rationalize and justify her own actions. Which would explain why she posted on the OW/OM forum for for support...and not on the infidelity one. She came looking for advice already slanted the way she wanted...she didn't count on the fact that she'd still get honest, TRUTHFUL advice on that forum as well.
LoyalGirl Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 FloatOn, Please continue to update on your situation. Thanks!
bish Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 I feel horrible I feel like a nobody my life has been crushed yet again,I feel like it is my fault had I made her and kept pressuring her tofind another job she wouldnt have done this again to me. It should be EXPECTED that she look for another job. Nobody says she has to quit her job until she finds another one, but she should keep trying until she finds one...NO EXCUSES. None of this is your fault. She is the one that screwed another man. Expecting her to find another job away from the OM is natural and is fully understandable. her reluctance to find a job, no matter what the reason, is unacceptable. Actually, have you ever REALLY considered just divorcing her? I read her post. She obviously doesn't want to do the right thing and I think she would like to stay near the OM in one way or another. She betrayed you and isn't willing to do what it takes to repair the damage. So cut your losses and cut yourself loose from her. You deserve better.
bish Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 My wife wanted to come on here because she thought people would side with her about it being ok to work with the om/ow,and when she seen that people did not agree with her,she did not like it so she told me I should'nt come on anymore because I was only going to get brainwashed by people who are unhappy because they have been cheated on and dumped. Hell, even I, the proclaimed "dump the cheater" poster on this forum would have said otherwise if she had actually expressed some remorse or the desire to do what is right. But she didn't do either. she doesn't want to look for another job. Its either out of laziness, or she wants to stay near the OM. Either reason is unacceptable. She doesn't want to do right by you. She wants to do what SHE wants to do....nothing more. She is selfish and will never respect you. Lose her. You are MUCH better off without her.
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Dont sweat it float on. Your soon to be ex is an idiot addict who's chasing that affair high and once it settles into her thick head what she threw away she'll be crying and whining. It'll happen. just take care of your kids.
Lookingforward Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 I have moved out a close friend of my family rented me out a townhome,I have gotten a job I am still in school. I have the kids with me I hate having them in daycare,but I have no choice,and of course I am getting a divorce. It's too bad you couldn't put the children into daycare and get a job before all this went down. I'm sure being the sole breadwinner wasn't helping your W when you were insisting she find another job.......
Owl Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 I doubt that anything Float did would have made a difference to convince her to find another job... She had exactly what she wanted, as she indicated over and over and over...her focus was NOT on Float's job or lack thereof...her entire focus was on her staying right where she was at. Right where OM was at, as we've seen since.
Lookingforward Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 I doubt that anything Float did would have made a difference to convince her to find another job... She had exactly what she wanted, as she indicated over and over and over...her focus was NOT on Float's job or lack thereof...her entire focus was on her staying right where she was at. Right where OM was at, as we've seen since. I wasn't taking the A into account...was just musing about the fact that smooth may have felt it was "all on her", the family welfare...........and she DID mention it in her thread.......
Darth Vader Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 I wasn't taking the A into account...was just musing about the fact that smooth may have felt it was "all on her", the family welfare...........and she DID mention it in her thread....... That really doesn't matter one way or the other, He's in school so he can aquire a better paying job than working at M D's, who would want to work in a dead end job anyway? It wasn't as though he was just lying around doing nothing, and even if he was, it still gave her no right to do what she did. Anyway, staying home to care for the children is a job in and of itself. I don't know if he watched the children as well though.......
Author Float On Posted August 5, 2008 Author Posted August 5, 2008 Yes I was at home,but I was the one also taking care of the children while at home.My wife never had to lift a finger with the kids. I have put my life on hold for her for years when she was in school I was the one with the full time job. In fact when she got offered a better position and schooling at her current job I had dropped out of school for her so I can get a full time job since she was only going to be working part time and soon after she became a full time student and left work and returned after she graduated. I gave up and did so much for her not because I had to but because I chose to because I loved her that much and put her first that I was willing to put my dreams on hold so she can persue her's.
Darth Vader Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Yes I was at home,but I was the one also taking care of the children while at home.My wife never had to lift a finger with the kids. I have put my life on hold for her for years when she was in school I was the one with the full time job. In fact when she got offered a better position and schooling at her current job I had dropped out of school for her so I can get a full time job since she was only going to be working part time and soon after she became a full time student and left work and returned after she graduated. I gave up and did so much for her not because I had to but because I chose to because I loved her that much and put her first that I was willing to put my dreams on hold so she can persue her's. What a witch she's been! And I'm being nice about this!
bish Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 On july 18 it was all confirmed I found out my wife had started the affair again with the xom Gee, and here she was trying to convince the people in this forum that she can work with the OM without ever getting involved again. Obviously a load of crap and now we know why she doesn't want to put in the effort to getting another job. I say leave her man. She is trash. You don't need her and can do much better. Contact an attorney toot sweet.
bish Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Wow, I'm totally eating my words now. Ok, everyone can say they told me so. I believed her, too. Told you so.
bish Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 It is official we are getting a divorce GLAD TO HEAR IT!!!! Its the best decision you will have ever made. my feelings are mixed I'm hurt for my children and at the same time I have a sense of peace The only other choice you had was to stay with her and put up with her crap and be a cuckold. And I hear ya when it comes to the kids, but you have to remember, SHE did this to them, not you. I know she would give me the kids ,because for some reason a few weeks ago she told me "I would never take the kids away rom you if we ever got a divorce because I know you would do a great job taking care of them and I know how much you love them ". And correct me if I'm wrong, didn't you stay home with the kids and take classes at night? If so, you know you'd have a case for alimony. I really don't care at this point what she reads she know's I got her i got her good om emailed EVERYTHING to me it's all there. Well she left because we were replying to her, but directing it towards you, to leave her. And now you are, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
Darth Vader Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 Told you so. Bish, don't you think you were a little harsh?:rolleyes: alimony. Alimony? For a man? I didn't think this was possible! Float! You better really get ahold of that Lawyer now!
Darth Vader Posted August 6, 2008 Posted August 6, 2008 So, Float, wassup man! Translation: what's going on with the lawyers and Divorce?
Author Float On Posted August 18, 2008 Author Posted August 18, 2008 The D is in process I fell great I know that sounds strange but when we were together I was depressed didnt trust her either. I'm renting me a place she doesnt care about much right now to tell you the truth I really don't talk much to her only when it comes to the kids. She does want me back but only for the wrong reasons,she does'nt love me,I did advise her she should seek help because she is obsessed with om,she does seem to be heartbroken over him she cares more about that then the kids being gone. I''m no sucker I will not take her back I do not want her at all,I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now,but I know oneday I'll find real love and if I don't anytime soon who cares I got my kids to focus on right now.
bish Posted August 19, 2008 Posted August 19, 2008 The D is in process I fell great I know that sounds strange but when we were together I was depressed didnt trust her either. FANTASTIC!!! things are going to get better for you soon. Life with a cheater is no life at all. Congratulations bud! I'm renting me a place she doesnt care about much right now to tell you the truth We kind of figured that out when she was proclaimed a cheater and didn't care enough to get away from the other man while making excuses as to why she couldn't look for another job. I really don't talk much to her only when it comes to the kids. Keep it that way. I''m no sucker I will not take her back I do not want her at all,I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now,but I know oneday I'll find real love and if I don't anytime soon who cares I got my kids to focus on right now. Congratulations for stepping up and excising that cancer of a woman from your life.
InaPanic Posted August 21, 2008 Posted August 21, 2008 Float On I just read all 6 pages & i feel really bad for what you are going through. I cannot imagine how you felt the day the OM came to the door telling you to make your wife stop chasing him. That had to be a low point & I'm sorry it happened to you. I do think your wife is obsessed with him. As one who cheated once I can relate to that feeling & from what i've read on here it must be pretty common for some. I think the fact she continued to work with him & see him on a daily basis has never allowed her to come out of the fog she's in. I don't think she's ever seen things clearly as far as her marriage because she hasn't seperated herself from him long enough. I fear had i been in a situation where I saw the OM on a daily basis then my marriage may have been like yours because i was obsessed & i was in a fog. But it's too late for her. You have moved on as you should & i hope you do feel better & are having happier days because you deserve it as do your children. She will hopefully come out of this obsession soon & i hope she has a support system when she does. I know it can't be & shouldn't be you but she's going to need family or friends when the reality of what has happened sets in. I admire you for being a good father to your kids. Keep up the strength you have been displaying
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