mayhem1984 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Hi, This is my first post on here and not really a happy one. Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 3 years now, 3 weeks ago we moved in to our own place together. On friday we had one of my close friends over to play some wii and have a few drinks. Everything was going fine, no hint of anythings. Anyway I was tired from work and drinking so I went to bed, I thought my girlfried was coming up too. Anyway she didnt appear for a while but i had no reason to suspect anything anyway i woke up about an hour later and I went downstairs to get myself a glass of water. I was just outside the door to the front room when I heard kissings sounds so i stopped to listen... I figured they must just be watching a film or something so i walked in and there they were kissing. They both jumped off each other i just stood there shocked staring at them. Neither of them said anything to me. I went back up stairs and sat on the bed. When my girlfriend came up i asked her what had happened and she promised that nothing had happened and i was 90% sure something had. Anyway I said we should talk about it in the morning and i went to sleep. The next morning the truth came out and they had been kissing. She told me how sorry she was and how much she hated herself. Because I love her so much I said that everything would be ok and we'd work it out. Now i'm not so sure as for the last 3 days every time i close my eyes I see them kissing. But as I say we are renting a house together and have bills and contracts and stuff. I just dont know what to do... Any advice would be appreciated.
Ronni_W Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Well, first. You are in charge of your own mental pictures, and it is in your own best interest to simply, consciously change any and all images that come into your mind's eye that are disturbing or distressing. You just use the power of your mind to change the picture. Then. Forgetting about bills and contracts, what do you need to hear from your g/f to be able to regain your trust in her and your faith in your relationship? Going forward, what are your concerns? IMO, it would be important for you to know your needs about it, and then to communicate them to her in a clear and loving manner. She may not have capacity/ability to meet your needs AFTER she knows them, but you first do need to express them to have any hope at all of things getting back on track. As well, brush up on your forgiveness skills -- you will also be needing those, IMO, whether or not your relationship can withstand this. It's true that they only got as far as "just kissing" but who's to say what, had you not needed your glass of water at the moment that you did? That may be the part that may need more of your concerted effort to not carry into the future. Your true and full forgiveness will include this piece. I am sorry you're going through this -- that does suck after just 3 weeks, doesn't it? If you look at moving-in together as being similar to the commitment level of getting married, it is a fact that marriage and moving are both in the top 8 of stressful major life transitions -- possibly her incredibly unwise and self-centred decision was her maladaptive way of coping.
lkjh Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 sub-lease!!! She hooked up with your friend in your home while you were upstairs. Do you really think this is the first time it has happend?
Bryanp Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I would strongly suggest that you kick her out at once. She just moved in with you for 3 weeks after dating you for 3 years and this is what she does? In your home she is kissing a good friend of your while you are sleeping upstairs? You have got to be kidding me. The chances are pretty good that if you had not walked in on them they probably later would have been having sex. She has already defiled your home. She has disrespected and humiliated you. Think about this. She was kissing a good friend of yours behind your back while you were sleeping in your room. She has lived with you for only 3 weeks in this place. Clearly she has no boundaries. Why are you forgiving her immediately. How do you think she would be responding if the roles were reversed? Why would you wish to have a type of girlfriend who would do this to you behind your back in your own home? It is time for you to wake up and realize just what happened.
bish Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 mayhem, can you afford the rent and bills by yourself? If so, tell her to pack her stuff. If not, then if there is anyway you can leave the place without any obligation, stick her with it.
Spectre Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Dude, if you don't dump her, you may as well just let your friend screw her, because you won't be able to perform anymore on account of your balls being in a jar on the mantle.
bish Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Kick her out and mess him up... period! Kick her out for sure if he can. Mess him up? NO. don't even consider it. Last thing you need is to be in jail. Now if he comes around and you tell him to get out of your face and he doesn't do it, then you have a case for self-defense even if he doesn't make the first move, especially if he comes to your place. You give him a warning to leave you alone and if he doesn't then you have recourse.
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