ellen24 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Hi. i posted something on the break-up / breaks section and didn't get much feedback so i am hoping to get some help here. my boyfried and i have been together for 5 1/2 years, three and a half of them he was in jail. after being out for only 5 weeks, he started freaking out and saying he needed space and needed to get his own apt, but that it didn't mean he didn't want to be with me and that he still loved me and wanted it to work. he was also acting strange in other ways though, like going out and drinking a lot.... then i foudn out he took a random girl out to dinner and i told him he needed to move out, that he was not respecting me and our relationship was spiraling out of control. he said, then " i think we need a break is all"... he then went to a mutual friends' hosue and told them that he did love me, but that he can't give me what i wanted right now. we had talked a lot about marriage and children and i wear a promise ring he gave me three years ago. they said he seemed sad and said he did somethign really dumb that i found out about, and that i kicked him out.. when i drove him to his dad's house the next day with his stuff, he said why did i look so sad if i kicked him out and i told him i didn't want to kick him out, but had to, anyway, this was two weeks ago, and he calls every day asking for more of his stuff. everytime i see him he still kisses me on the lips goodbye... i went away this weekend and he as calling non-stop, i when i called him back he said he needed a suit from my house. i met up with him to give him the suit, and told him that it rally hurts wehn he calls and it is just b/c he needs something and i didn't understand how we got to this point, so distant. he said " what point are we at"... i was like, listen i miss you everyday and i want to be with you. we went through so much together and i know you need to do things for yourself and on your own, but we were partners , so i don't understand why we can't get through this transition together. he said, well there is a chance we may get back together. we might still have a chance... then i asked if he still loved me and he said yes... so i don't really understand if he still loves me why we can't be together... also i asked if he missed me and he said " sometimes.'' so i don't really want to trhow away our relationship and walk away, especially fi there is still a chance, but how long do i wait.... this is killing me! i am going on vacation on tuesday and kind of wanted to tell himm, listen, whe you figure it out call me and if i am still around, we'll talk. but i chickened out b/c i don't really want to go NC? i feel like i miss him everyday b/c i don't have him anymore, but he only kind of misses me b/c he knows he still has me. do you think that when he figures out his own self, he will realize that he still wants me even if i never "left?"
sigh123 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 give him back his stuff all at once, its completely disrespectful to you that he calls you only to get his stuff...i mean, who IS he to demand what he wants anytime that he wants? you have a life too. I'd say give him his stuff all at once and go on NC. Its obvious his mind is wandering somewhere else right now and he has the power in his hands right now to do whatever he wants...
Author ellen24 Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 ugh. i know he has all the power and even worse, HE knows he has all the power. i am trying to hard to be strong about this, but so sad about everything going down the tubes so fast. i feel like i was toally blindsided and have no idea how this happened.... now he does have all of his stuff. it took him two weeks of stopping by nightly, and saying he was goign to fill up the car, but then only actually taking certain things. should i tell him about NC or just do it? also, so why do you think he is till kissing me and saying that " we still have a chance"??
Author ellen24 Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 alos, am i being toally naive in thinking that the whole transition out from jail could really impact his need to be "alone" right now or that he really just doesn't know how he feels about me? in a way i can understand how he needs to check out the world alone. he was in jail from 24 to age 28... in that time, i got to do a lot on my own, inlcuding exploring the possiibility of being with someone else, although i never actually foudn someone that could measure up to what we had... i feel like our relationships was put in a time box and he may need to explore some stuff on his own in order to figure out ( hopefully) that it is me that he wants to be with....
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