epicsteve Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Hi guys, I'm new here, and I'm looking for some relationship advice. Right now I'm in a relationship with a young woman, I'm 24, she's 23 years old. We've been dating for about 4 months now, we met each other at work. I really like her, and have strong feelings for her, and I feel that she does too. We've both told each other how much we really care about each other, and all that etc... So I know she wants to be with me, the thing is that we never get to see each other outside work. Not even on weekends, holidays, not even telephone calls. Since we started dating, the only times we are together is in the office, or on lunch breaks. When I ask her if she'd like to spend a weekend together or go out on a date, she at first used to say she's busy helping her parents (she lives at home), but then I kept asking her if this was an excuse and she told me that her parents would probably disapprove (this is an interracial relationship). So for these 4 months we've never been on dates ever. We've been close, kissing, hugging, that sort of thing, and I can tell she wants to be with me, but I don't know why she never wants to go out. She told me in the past that her parents made her break up with ex-boyfriends when they discovered she was dating, so she tells me that she wants to keep it secret so they don't split us up. She's promised me several times she'd talk to her parents about us, so that we can go out and see each other outside work, but this never happend. But as much as I'm trying, I can't stay too happy with her because it seems like she doesn't seem to want to make the effort to have a real relationship. She won't even try to work things out with us. Also, the major thing I'm worried about is that I won't be working at the office much longer, since it's a temporary position that expires in mid-august. So after that, I doubt we'd be able to see each other. She told me in the past, she only saw boyfriends maybe once every few months or so. I don't know how I can live with that. I really, really care about her and don't want to lose her, but every time I bring up how I feel about this, she doesn't want to discuss it. What should I do?
johan Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 If you're getting the stiff arm, then here's what you need to keep in mind: she's fine with things the way they are. This is how she wants it. If she wanted it some other way, be sure that she'd let you know. It's not possible for you to make her want something else. And you have no evidence she's going to want more in the future. Now with that in mind, what do you think you should do?
bigmanpayne Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 what else can you do but keep it moving? she likes the way things are, you cant change that. this sounds like two 15 year olds or something. you are a grown up. you arent really dating if you only see her at work - thats just the truth.
Author epicsteve Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 I'm thinking about waiting and sticking with her, hoping for the best. At least for now. I've tried talking to her several times about this, but haven't had success in getting a solution. Thanks for the opinions. Does anyone else have any comments?
xpaperxcutx Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 You can either go at her pace, or move on. There are no other options. And how exactly are you guys together if you aren't even dating?
Arise_Serpentor Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 Yep! you sound like you are just filling the space for her while she figures things out! And figureing things out means she finds ANOTHER GUY! least thats my opinion!
sweetbutcheeky Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 Are you really dating if you don't see each other out of work? Is she hiding behind work or using her parents as an excuse because she is afraid to actually date? She is 23 and old enough to make her own choices and date who she wants.
Mahatma Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 I'd be wondering about someone on the outside. She may live with a current boyfriend, or may just visit him a lot. No matter what, this is no relationship. Spending lunch break together is not "dating."
Prodigal Princess Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 I agree with everyone else. You both sound relationship-retarded. For whatever reason, she doesn't want a real relationship with you, and she never will. You need to let her go, this is just a waste of your worry. In any case this will resolve itself as soon as you leave your job. Just have the balls next time to ask a real woman out.
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