FlipFlop

[TheRock]

I've been dating my GF for 2 years. She has committment issues and has SLOWLY been making progress to spend more time with me. Every time we get closer, she pulls back. Last week she stayed over my place for a few nights...a first for our relationship...She said to me on different mornings that she "loves waking up next to me", "Wants to spend the rest of her life with me but needs to do it at her pace" and, "I Look foward to lying next to you every night in the future..." The next week she didn't stay over at all. The one night we did get together, it was a 45 min visit. We can't talk about marriage, engagements or a future without her getting stressed, so it is frustrating for me to avoid it. Last night, we went to a wedding and we had a HUGE blowout afterward in our hotel room. We were drunk and said things that were nasty. I wish I could take them back and she won't forgive me for them. She said what's said is said. I feel horrible, as I truly love her, but the frustration finally got to me and I let it all out. It felt good at first to finally release it, but I know I hurt her feelings. I tried to explain to her that this is the same pain I feel when she pushes me away. She doesn't get it... She does nice things for me and is very caring otherwise, but when she pushes me away I feel like I'm not important to her or forgotten.... It's a constant tug of war. I feel it might be over after last night. What should I do.

[whichwayisup]

Her committment phobia isn't about you at all, it's about her. Something from her past, whether it be from childhood, or what saw between her parents growing up, or close relatives, or maybe she was hurt badly in another relationship - This is her issue and she needs help to work through this.

 

Give her time and space. Last thing you want to do is push her..Let her know you love her and will wait for as long as she needs. If she feels threatened or pressured, she'll run the other way.