sugarlump Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 I've been having a real tough time both in and out of work recently. Outside of work I split from my long-term boyfriend, he works in the same company but in different departments - we'd been dating for over eight years. On top of that my father has degenerative dementia and I spend a lot of my time supporting both him and my mother - it can be pretty hard somedays. I also lost a very close friend a few weeks back to meningitis, it was sudden and unexpected - she was in the early thirties and I'm still struggling to come to terms with it. So yeah, not a great few months... At first I threw myself into work to distract me from everything. This worked well for a bit as my workload was steadily increasing and there was lots to do. Problem is the work has just kept coming and I no longer feel able to cope. My old boss retired just over six months back. We worked pretty closely and shared out the workload equally. My new boss hasn't shown any interest in my area of work and has largely expected me get on with it by myself. I wish I said something early on, but I just assumed the responsibility despite it being above my post. To complicate things further an additional piece of work came my way. My boss brought in an external resource to help (paying a fortune for the priviledge!) and I was asked to oversee the task. I did so, but quickly realised that this person wasn't up to the job. I spent a lot of time coaching this person and as a result my own work began to suffer. Eventually I highlighted the problem to my boss, but gained no support other than be told to 'push back' on to this person. Things started to get on top of me. I again asked my boss to help me prioritise my workload or redistribute some work onto other people within the team. He wasn't sympathetic and guilt tripped my into thinking I could manage, telling me he would be 'disappointed' if I couldn't cope and suggesting that 'maybe I wasn't worth my salary'. I soldiered on for a few more weeks, but the strain was starting to show. I haven't had a day off work in over six months (save the day I got off to go to my friend's funeral), and I amn't sleeping well worrying about work and other things. So I booked an appointment with my doctor with the intention of asking to be signed off sick, but then cancelled it at the last minute. I didn't want to have to resort to such drastic measures - surely this is fixable? I approached another manager in work and explained the situation, hoping he could suggest a solution or at least talk to my manager on my behalf. I even told him about the doctor's appointment and indicated I had personal issues that I'm struggling to deal with too. He seemed supportive but nothing has come of it, it's been several weeks and I know he's spoke to my boss during that time. Meantime the external person I was supporting, went off sick - complaining (ironically!) of stress. My boss has now asked me to take on the work this person was doing - yes, you guessed it, on top of my normal workload. I stated unwillingness to assume this additional work (I was struggling to cope before!), however acknowledge the importance of the work and again suggested I could maybe manage if some of my other work was moved. However my boss as now indicated that he thinks I'm shirking my responsibilities. I have a meeting with him tomorrow to discuss again. I expect to get more of the 'disappointed' routine and am not sure how to handle things. I've written down all the instances where I've asked for help, incase we get into specifics. However I'm tempted if things don't go well to walk out, but I feel like I'm giving in if I do. I would welcome any comments or suggestions.
Ssheena Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 Ugh. Sounds like a terrible situation to be in. Where are you? If you are in the states a lot of companies have an EAP (employee assistance program). Contact them and ask them. Otherwise, to hell with your boss, get your butt to the doctor and get written out for awhile. Ultimately your health is worth more than the job. Your new boss sounds like a jerk. Is there another department or place you can transfer to? Do you have an HR department? Can you call in sick? Practice what you want to say to your boss and what would be acceptable responses to your requests from him. If he does not give them to you, then you must take care of yourself.
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Make time for you. Join a yoga class and go once a week, it will help with your stress levels. Sorry to hear about your father and the break up. Talk to your boss about taking some time off. Or talk to your family Dr, get a note and go on stress leave for afew weeks to a month.
soda Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Make time for you. . You must. Continuing on your present path will lead to burnout eventually. Burnout is truly sad because it creates a shell where a viable, lively person used to be. I'm truly sorry about what you've been experiencing. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I'm not just saying that. I've been in your shoes and I wouldn't wish this type of experience on anybody. What is that you truly love about life? Take a moment to think about it. And then...go do it, even if it means missing a few days of work. Your company will survive without you...and if can't, it needs to learn that you 1) need a serious pay increase, 2) should never be let go, 3) need to hire someone to support your efforts, 4) are a person, not a machine. You need a vacation. Take time for you. I'm not offering this as advice. I really, truly hope that you'll do it because I think it will help. Please keep us updated...ok?
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