Gingerboom Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 Hi all, I have been with my SO in an LDR now for 7 months. Unfortunate timing has meant my lease at my present accommodation is up and I've been looking for a new place to stay. I had been planning to move to his city, but have just not been able to find a job in time. As I'm not exactly rolling in the £$£$'s I have to stay put a little longer where I am and find a room in someone else's flat. I had been trying to find a female sharer, but to no avail and then today I was offered an amazing room in flatshare....but it's sharing with a guy. I have 4 days to move out of where I am now, I was getting pretty stressed about ending up homeless etc... So I told my SO this was pretty much my only option. It's only a short term solution but I was just trying to empathise with how he might feel all those thousands of miles away... If that were me and he was telling me he was moving in with a girl. I'm not sure I'd be happy. I am still looking for girls to share with, but with 4 days to go I have very little choice. He reacted well. Usually and in the past it has been me with a doubtful mind and a bit insecure. It has been fine recently but I dont want to do anything to jeopardise the relationship we've been building on. I know nothing is going to happen my end, he has absolutely nothing to worry about. I love him 100% and even though I see him so seldom, couldn't want for anything else from anyone else. But given our situation, I dont want to put any seeds of doubt in his mind as that is the last thing I would want if I were him. This all leads me to wonder how anyone else copes in LDR with issues of trust? It is one of the biggest pitfalls for LDR's right? The never quite knowing, the benefit of the doubt, the jumping to conclusions? Is it just a question of accepting that people see the world differently, what is acceptable for one person is totally out of the question for another? Does it boil down to the differences between men and women? What do you think?
HisLove Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 I think I'd reassure him with all the things you just said, and then make definite plans to invite him up. If the tables were turned, I'd be feeling a bit more comfortable about it if he asked me to his new place. Your current landlord won't accept a month-by-month lease from you? Sometimes they are happy to keep a good tenant on.
theobserver Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Having been part of a LDR I would say you did well to immediately tell him the situation, reassurance that this is at the moment your only viable option and that you were still keeping an eye out for a female sharer then how would I be able to fault you I'm feel great trust you're telling me what's going on. Now a loss of trust would be if you just mentioned you were moving in with someone else then at the last moment or only when he asked mentioned it's a male, I would be annoyed why you left that important detail out and the imagination would wander similar to some threads I've read on loveshack where the girlfriend/boyrfriend has a friend of the opposite sex stay over but doesn't inform the partner for approval or mentions it days later and ofcourse the other party suspects foul. Again though your doing the right thing, and yes inviting him up to see your new flatshare would be great not only for him and yourself but for your roomy to know you have a partner you're happy with. I don't like saying LDR need more trust then standard always available relationships but in some sense you do , In truth they have the same issues of standard locational relationships just on an obviously larger scale. That uncertainty on what the other is doing when not in sight. A good stable LDR should have both parties in as much contact as possible and with technology today there's little excuse. Online Messaging/Webcam, Telephone, and snailmail for gifts and cards. Communication and letting the other know how you are feeling, what's going on with your life right now and your love for them. There are always people who like to say they woudln't engage in a LDR because of the risk of cheating and basically never knowing , I call BS on that yes it CAN happen and does but so does 5-10yr old affairs with a partner who lives in your own house and you had no idea of the infedlity a snake can be a snake 5 meters away or 500miles we always take risks. Being in a LDR is effort from both sides and you should both see that effort. The effort of trying to make the best of the situation at hand, keeping the other involved in your life even if they are not there currently. LDR usually fail due to like most relationships lack of communication so don't let it cease. As for the other side of your pondering questions I'm sure someone else can jump in on the male and female expectations when in a LDR there are some double standards.
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