donnist Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 My girlfriend and I are having a very very very hard time right now. We are having a trust and communication issue. She doesn't trust me, thinking I'm doing something behind her back and I'm asking her to tell me something, (how she feels , what's on her mind etc) but I get nothing. ** a little background ** While visiting her mom for a week I get a forwarded text message from her of a conversation she and her ex were having. (I don't know how but thankfully I did). From the message I got, it seems that there was a whole lot that was said. When she got back I asked her if she recently talked to any of her ex's and she denied. Then I asked her specifically about the conversation with her ex she had while she was away and she still denied and then after some time she said she only responded twice. But the message I got was not the average, "hey, how ya doing? fine, okay bye" and when I mentioned that to her then she said yes they had a longer conversation. Now, I need her to be honest with me, so I didn't tell her what part of the conversation I received and I asked her what were they talking about and she replied that she doesn't remember much except "talking about a song and him playing the guitar". (which isn't in the message I got). So either she really forgot or she doesn't want me to know what I already know which is a bummer because I really love her and thought she loved me enough to tell me the truth/ whole story. ** end background** Recently we were at a rehearsal a at church with a bunch of parents and elders and friends. My girlfriend is standing next to me laughing and talking and all of a sudden turns and gives me a hug. Naturally, I hugged her back but it felt sort of out of place because of the type of hug it was. Her hips were thrust in towards me and her arms around my neck the only thing she didn't do was kiss me. I guess she saw my reaction and went for it a second time and I refused and she got offended... am I wrong??? All of this and more has been stressful for the both of us, I love her and leaving her is not an option. We have a child together and I don't like to argue in front of him even though he isn't old enough to talk he still see the expression on our faces which would let him know something is wrong. She thinks I'm doing something but she has no idea what. She checks my email, myspace, laptop and cell phone when I'm not around. I don't know what else to do....
Angel1111 Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 Honestly, I don't really understand your post very well - but I'll take a stab. It sounds to me like she's the one who is up to something and usually people who are guilty end up suspecting the other person. I don't understand how you could receive a forwarded text message from her and she wouldn't know about it. How does that work exactly? As far as the hug, I don't know what to tell you. It sounds incredibly trivial, to me. Or just an excuse for her to act like she mistrusts you.
nopainnogain Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 I agrre. If she is all upset ove BS she is the one that is up to something ,fo sho
Ronni_W Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 She thinks I'm doing something but she has no idea what. She checks my email, myspace, laptop and cell phone when I'm not around. She might suspect that you are constantly snooping through her electronic gadgets, emails, etc., and she might be looking for "proof" of that. The fact that she doesn't trust you right now, likely is causing her inability to honestly and openly communicate with you about her deeper feelings and thoughts. To her, you have proven yourself untrustworthy (the consequence of your choice to play games instead of honestly and openly communicating where and how you got your information.) Some questions you may wish to find your answers to: Is it accurate that you need to feel threatened by her ex? Is there a belief that people can't "really" be "just friends" with an ex? Do you distrust her? Why did she feel the need to hide her contact with him in the first place? Has she done anything to even hint that she's still into her ex in a romantic/sexual way? It seems like there is a lack of trust and communication on BOTH sides. Either one of you can start to improve things by at least opening up and being honest -- since you posted, I'm gonna suggest that person be you (but if she had posted, I would have suggested she "step up" to the plate.) If your relationship is important to you, you will find a way to at least attempt to get it back on track . Good luck.
Author donnist Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 Thanks for all of your replies... They are very much appreciated and have helped shed light on the situation.
bish Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Recently we were at a rehearsal a at church with a bunch of parents and elders and friends. My girlfriend is standing next to me laughing and talking and all of a sudden turns and gives me a hug. Naturally, I hugged her back but it felt sort of out of place because of the type of hug it was. Her hips were thrust in towards me and her arms around my neck the only thing she didn't do was kiss me. I guess she saw my reaction and went for it a second time and I refused and she got offended... am I wrong??? No. There is a time and place for affection like that. Church isn't the place. Does she have a screw loose thinking that something short of dry humping in church is acceptable? All of this and more has been stressful for the both of us, I love her and leaving her is not an option. We have a child together and I don't like to argue in front of him even though he isn't old enough to talk he still see the expression on our faces which would let him know something is wrong. She thinks I'm doing something but she has no idea what. She checks my email, myspace, laptop and cell phone when I'm not around. I don't know what else to do.... Do you suspect she may be messing around on you? Cheaters like to project what they do onto their SO so they think it evens out the playing field. That and is she constantly checks your email, myspace, etc...but continuously finds nothing, I'd say she is desperately looking for something to justify whatever it is shy may be doing, or may want to do.
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