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Posted

A few days ago my girlfriend broke up with me. We were together for about 6 months and things haven't been the best over the last few weeks - my father passed away five weeks ago and I (understandably) haven't been the fun-loving guy I have always been and I have also probably been a bit needy because of my emotional state. She has some major life decisions coming up and has become extremely busy with work/college and we had been facing the next few months of not seeing much of each other.

 

I know that you might think that she was a a bit harsh to dump me at this particular time...and I agree to an extent. I can't believe that she wouldn't cut me a bit of slack...but there we go.

Having said that, I wouldn't want someone to stay with me out of obligation - so despite the apparent callousness of her actions, they are possibly for the best.

 

The background information is pretty much irrelevant as I am more concerned with my actions now. I want to do what is best for ME and I'm looking for some feedback as to whether I am taking the right steps. I want to maintain my self-respect - I don't want to come across as needy (not to increase the chances of reconciliation, but for my own emotional stability). I don’t want to be abusive towards her, I don’t want to be her friend – although that is a possibility that I would consider way down the track.

 

We have communicated via text message since breaking up, and these have been the last lot of texts:

 

Her: “I care about you. I just can’t do this anymore – it’s too much. I want to see you & wish it was different. It’s not fair to you – I have NO time & it’s going to get worse. I’m sorry about all this x”.

 

Me: “No need to apologise, it’s just one of those things. Neither of us have been ourselves lately and although it sucks, it’s probably for the best x”.

 

Her: “Yeah it does suck. We just have had really bad timing. I know it’s cheesy but is it a no to friends then? x”

 

Me: “I can’t even think about being friends at the moment, sorry. I need to move on (I aint getting any younger ;-) ). Maybe catch you at some stage, we’ll see x”.

 

Her: “That’s ok, I understand. Well again, sorry for everything and I hope you find what you need x”

 

Me: “Likewise babe x”.

 

Have I done ok here?

 

I feel ok, but I also know that this feeling will more than likely be temporary.

My mind is all over the place at the moment - and sometimes my actions reflect that. I guess I just need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing.

Posted

I saw this and felt obligated to respond!! I wholeheartedly understand your pain and your loss with your father. Back in 1996, I lost my mother to pancreatic cancer after watching her suffer for a year. She was at the young age of 45 when I was 25 at the time of her untimely death.

 

Not sure if you and your father were close like I was with my mother, but that sting will take awhile to diminish and wish all the best and understand what you feel.

 

Now back to the one that dumped you in your time of need. WOW!!! Hard to believe someone could do that I know.

 

I had surgery in May, and my ex only called me on the phone... at that time we were still talking. Even though we were in a LDR, she still could have come to see how I was!!

 

Keep your head up and things shall get better...at least that is what they say and I try to tell myself!!

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Posted

Thanks for replying.

Yeah, my Dad and I were close...but I've been living overseas for the last 11 years (home 1 month every year). My mother called saying that Dad had been diagnosed with Cancer of the trachea - I flew straight home and Dad left us two weeks to the day of being diagnosed.

 

I'm finding it really hard to come to terms with. I feel as though I've lost my father, lost myself and now lost my girlfriend.

It's been, without a shadow of a doubt, the worst period of my life. I just want everything to be like it was 2 months ago but I know that's an impossibility.

 

Thanks again and I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mother - I know it was a while ago, but I'm certain that you don't miss her any less :(

Posted

The pain will never fully go away, but it gets better and you think of the your deceased parent. I think of mom often and I miss her loving, caring and compassion!! She always had the right answer NO MATTER WHAT!!!

 

Bad thing is this: Not sure how much in love you were in with your ex, but for me, I was and still am in love with mine. The pain from a relationship that went south after almost 2 years was way worse!!!!!!! Not only is not final, but it is more a personal pain!

 

Sure losing my mother was difficult, but nothing like what I have been through over last 2 years.

 

I sincerely hope you get something from this bad deal and sounds like you have as lousy ass ex to do that to you!!! Take care YOU!!

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