HisLove Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 I am curious about how other people have handled the situation of the first time they have met their boyfriend/girlfriend if you met online. This situation applies to me - while we've shared emails, webcam, phone calls, texts, arguments, sending pics from work so we can see each other in our daily environments - we've even met each others' children via webcam...we still haven't met in person. So after all this and you finally do meet - whether it's for a week or a weekend - assuming you've known each other fairly intimately for a while....did you go ahead with sex? Thinking maybe it could be another few months before you see them again and you are just as comfortable with each other when you meet as you did online. Did it still feel like a 'first date' and you decided to wait a bit longer. Did you feel like you already knew them very well and this was just a new dimension to your relationship to proceed with. I'm curious how you dealt with it. Thanks for your thoughts.
wingk1314 Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 Hmm... when I first met my ex, she was really shy lol. I really wasn't used to it cos she was quite a talkative person on the phone/online. But when I met up with her, she kinda kept a small distance from me and I didn't really like it so I got more direct and started talking more, playing with her more etc. But, we were just friends then. We became lovers AFTER seeing each other in person so I guess that's different from you. However, when I did return to see her again for the 1st time as lovers, she was shy again lol. But we QUICKLY got over that As lovers, things just come out really really naturally so I don't think there's much for you to worry about. As for sex, the first day we just kissed and pecked each other on the face etc etc. Afterall, it was our first ever meeting as lovers, i guess i felt more wanting to just spend the time looking at her and just being there. (don't know if i made any sense lol). Well, it definately didn't feel like a first date. During the whole 1st hr or so (she waited for me in my apartment), it felt really exciting and joyful. It's a really hard thing to explain, that feeling. There's still a slight barrier there but it'll be gone very soon that's all I can say. Don't worry about it cos by that time, everything will just fall in place. Lastly, congrats when you do finally see him =)
TMichaels Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 HisLove, I think it sort of depends on what your relationship has been like up to this point -- i.e. if you already have been "intimate" on the phone, via IM or emails, then the "should we or shouldn't we" question is really pretty moot. If you already "haven't gotten to know each other this way" before you meet, then I think you need to feel (no pun intended!) things out when the two of you finally do see each other in person. Perhaps their won't be as strong a mutual attraction in RL as compared to what you developed online. You may discover that one or the other of you have values or standards about the issue that are disparate. Some people are also reluctant to get that close right away because in a way it's taking the relationship to a different level that will be difficult to sustain given the LD aspect. However, having said all that, I would wager a bet that many guys wouldn't be concerned about possible ramifications of "hooking up" at your first in-person meeting. Generally, "if the spirit moves them" a guy is more likely to go for it, with no guilt, remorse or need to feel safe and loved before they cross that line. Just as in real life, only you can discern how you will feel about being making yourself that vulnerable or how you are likely to react after allowing someone to get that close on a first meeting -- especially since it may be some time before the two of you are able to reconnect. A little mystery and wanting more is a good thing, too. Usually makes you both a little more eager to "go back to the well" for more... Hope some of this might be of help. So happy to hear you might be getting closer to a RL meeting with your guy. Crossing fingers! Best, TMichaels
Author HisLove Posted July 27, 2008 Author Posted July 27, 2008 Well yeah, we've 'been there', so I guess it is a moot point. We have no problem expressing that side of ourselves. If the LD aspect wasn't there, then in a normal dating situation I would put the brakes on and not rush things. He has way more patience than I do, so maybe I'm stressing about nothing. I don't know, this just does my head in lol. It will probably all just fall into place the way it's supposed to.
Author HisLove Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 Thank you for teaching me patience TMichaels. He's getting back into the swing of the way he was. Today we were just mucking around in IM and he said something...and I asked "oh why is that?"...and he says "because I love you". Then he started talking in the sense of 'when we're together..' It's been a pretty horrendous year for both of us. I've posted more about his difficulties rather than my own, but I've had my own set of different issues. I adore this man, he challenges me in many ways and I know I do the same for him. Complementary ways. I joked that he'll smarten me up and I'll loosen him up...he thought that was a good thing. I'm getting him to think outside the square already.
TMichaels Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 t's been a pretty horrendous year for both of us. I've posted more about his difficulties rather than my own, but I've had my own set of different issues. I adore this man, he challenges me in many ways and I know I do the same for him. Complementary ways. I joked that he'll smarten me up and I'll loosen him up...he thought that was a good thing. I'm getting him to think outside the square already. LOL... Sounds like you're making progress! Hope things continue to get better for the both of you. Best, TMichaels
Miranda Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 The first time I met my boyfriend(with whom I now live, and have for the past year), face to face, it was for a family wedding. We'd been talking online and on the phone and via letter for about six months or so, and figured what the hell. It was a long weekend with lots of activities planned, very little alone time factored in. We did share a hotel room and cuddled and were intimate to various degrees, but didn't have sex. We did in later weekends spent together, but not that first one.
Lyssa Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 It won't be awkward at all when you meet him in person! Thing will just fall into place - it did for us both when we met the first time. We are now living together! Enjoy yourself, HL!
Author HisLove Posted July 30, 2008 Author Posted July 30, 2008 He's back, he's back, he's back. I got my mad italian back, he's like he used to be and I am sooooooooo happy. The patience and space paid off. I've done a little bit of work on myself too in looking at things realistically and not making everything about me. I've toughened up and learned not to be overly sensitive or take things personally so much any more. I tried dating others but my heart was never in it, it was always looking for my bel ragazzo (fine man). It was his voice I wanted to hear, his texts I wanted to read, his face I wanted to see. Now we just have to work on getting together in person lol.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 I am curious about how other people have handled the situation of the first time they have met their boyfriend/girlfriend if you met online. ....did you go ahead with sex? Are you kidding? When else can a woman have sex with a man she feels she knows while at the same time a man has sex with a woman he just met????
taiko Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 So after all this and you finally do meet - whether it's for a week or a weekend - assuming you've known each other fairly intimately for a while....did you go ahead with sex? Thinking maybe it could be another few months before you see them again and you are just as comfortable with each other when you meet as you did online. Did it still feel like a 'first date' and you decided to wait a bit longer. Did you feel like you already knew them very well and this was just a new dimension to your relationship to proceed with. Well we didn't meet online and never saw the situation as that of a ''date''. We both made our ultimate intentions known. Perhaps if we were in the online dating world and met that way perhaps we would have been more careful. As it was we went further then we planned.
UglyBetty Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I had known my boyfriend for 3 years before we met in real life. We had dated off and on and by that point we knew each other very well. At first I was really shy, I hugged him and that was pretty much it... I could hardly even make eye contact but he was so sure of himself and of our relationship that my timid attitude didn't last long and before I knew it we were joking around and play wrestling like I had always wanted to. We slept together the first night because it felt right... After that there were a few more visits and now we are happily living together. ^ ^
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