Boyfriend=Alcoholic. Got better when I left. Now w/ a new girl...

[FebGirl]

Many moons ago...

 

I was in a serious relationship. Unfortunately, he became an alcoholic. I didn't know how to deal w/ it, as I was quite young. I made it through rehab w/ him and all of that...but then he relapsed. I couldn't take it anymore, I was emotionally exhausted and I bailed out of the relationship.

 

Now...

 

I am in a great relationship. I love him w/ all my heart and he is as steady as a rock. We are moving in together and getting engaged this year. Yet, I always wondered what happened to my first love. Who, I can assure you, is not my last one. Though I am deeply committed to my soon-to-be fiance, I felt quite some guilt leaving/abandoning my first boyfriend when he couldn't get his act together. So I finally emailed him. I apologized for not being strong enough to go through the entire rehabilitative process (multiple relapses, halfway homes, etc), assured him that I gave him all I could do with the knowledge I had at that time about alcoholism, and offered my support and friendship in the future.

 

He responded...

 

That the break-up was the best thing that ever happened to him. He needed someone to break his heart so that he could realize that he would lose everything w/ alcoholism. He turned his life completely around, and is deeply involved and volunteers with the sober/recovering community. He said he thought God put me in his life and took me away from him so that he could experience what true loss is from his disease. He now is in a new relationship w/ a great girl.

 

I was grateful for his response, but...

 

I put my heart and soul in that relationship for as long as I could. Even though I'm happy and wouldn't trade my position with my LAST love I wonder why he couldn't sober up while we were together...why it took me leaving to do it...and why he is able to be the best guy, the guy I wanted him to be, with someone new....

[borelandkaren]

Many moons ago...

 

I was in a serious relationship. Unfortunately, he became an alcoholic. I didn't know how to deal w/ it, as I was quite young. I made it through rehab w/ him and all of that...but then he relapsed. I couldn't take it anymore, I was emotionally exhausted and I bailed out of the relationship.

 

Now...

 

I am in a great relationship. I love him w/ all my heart and he is as steady as a rock. We are moving in together and getting engaged this year. Yet, I always wondered what happened to my first love. Who, I can assure you, is not my last one. Though I am deeply committed to my soon-to-be fiance, I felt quite some guilt leaving/abandoning my first boyfriend when he couldn't get his act together. So I finally emailed him. I apologized for not being strong enough to go through the entire rehabilitative process (multiple relapses, halfway homes, etc), assured him that I gave him all I could do with the knowledge I had at that time about alcoholism, and offered my support and friendship in the future.

 

He responded...

 

That the break-up was the best thing that ever happened to him. He needed someone to break his heart so that he could realize that he would lose everything w/ alcoholism. He turned his life completely around, and is deeply involved and volunteers with the sober/recovering community. He said he thought God put me in his life and took me away from him so that he could experience what true loss is from his disease. He now is in a new relationship w/ a great girl.

 

I was grateful for his response, but...

 

I put my heart and soul in that relationship for as long as I could. Even though I'm happy and wouldn't trade my position with my LAST love I wonder why he couldn't sober up while we were together...why it took me leaving to do it...and why he is able to be the best guy, the guy I wanted him to be, with someone new....

 

If this new r/s is the thing you are so happy with and wouldn't trade, why are you fishing? You should really just be happy with the fact that your ex is in a better position now. I think you need to just move on with your own life and not worry about what 's going on in his. It's kinda disrespectful to the new guy that you're so concerned about the "old". Regardless of whether or not you put your heart and soul into what you had with him (and I do understand where you're coming from), this is not what you are living now. It sounds like you have unresolved feelings from this r/s. Are you sure you're doing the right thing with the new r/s? Just something to think about.

[phyrespryte]

I guess some people need to hit rock bottom before they realize how bad things are.

 

And it's just a thought...

But if he got better while you were with him, do you think you would've really been as happy as you are now? I kind of get the feeling that the relationship would've always been unbalanced.

[FebGirl]

Hey borelandkaren,

 

I totally understand what you mean, and yes, I really do believe I am doing the right thing with the new r/s. It's never felt so..."right" before. Right time, right guy, right place...but yes, I think I do have some unresolved issues with the old r/s. Not in a "I-love-him-still" kind of way but just a little bitterness I suppose. Though, I have to reiterate how genuinely happy and relieved I am for being in a such better life than he was years ago.

[FebGirl]

That's true phyrespryte. You know, it probably always would have been unbalanced. It was always a more dramatic relationship whilst the new/last relationship has been nothing but steady and loving. I think it all boils down to what I told borelandkaren, there is a little sense of bitterness. Though, as an ex, I still care for his wellbeing in a platonic way and if it took both of us experiencing heartache to do it then I guess it was worth it. Just one of those ironic, bittersweet things...

 

Is there anyone out there reading that has gone through this situation??