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Alright fellas let look at this whole thing in a broad perspective


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Posted

I have been reading through countless threads here and I see lots of heartache and lots of pain. Rightfully so. I mean matters of the heart are no joke. We can't control if the person we love comes back and we can't manipulate them either. However we can control how we deal with the situation. Like many of you when my fiancee' first put me on the ropes with her one-two knock out punch of "I need some time and space to sort through doubts before we can continue on" I was confused, devastated, and worst of all my confidence and faith was crushed. At first I thought how malicious can she be to ask me to wait while she does whatever. I, like many of you, suspected another man was to blame even though nothing would suggest that. But I have to ask you does focusing on your ex/semi-ex/compilication make you feel better? I know it's hard but you have to focus on yourself. For instance, I have taken up boxing as a way of venting my frusturation and anger. You have no idea how relaxing punching a bag can be. I am also concentrating on my education. Life doesn't stop just because of relational woes despite what you our brains tell us. There is a certain kind of clarity that comes with a renewed sense of self awareness. Use this time as a way of making sure about your own commitment because in lieu of our cataclysmic event we now place the breaker of our hearts on a pedestal that isn't truly deserved. Maybe this will affirm your love, maybe it won't. I can't promise you that things will work out in the end. Sometimes they do, and sometimes they don't. You have to be tough and prepare for either way. Yet, I warn against a calloused outlook that posions your perception of your loved one. I notice that many responses here are very negative. People read the quick summary of your situation and then project their own bias and bad experience which will only bring you down if that is all you see, which can in turn affect how you react if there is a second chance and may sabotage your efforts before it even comes. It may even prevent the second chance. Hold to hope and remember that love is all enduring. There is a lot of bad advice on here and filtering through can be difficult. I am not saying that the advice isn't true to the situation but I see alot of people saying to hit the road running at the first sign of trouble. That's the cowards way out. If there is a viable chance at reconciliation, work at it. You might regret it more if you don't. If you want postive encouragement, prayer, or just someone to correspond with shoot me a line. That's what this site is for, not ex-fest bashorama.:D

Posted

OP... I agree! :)

Posted

Great post. No matter how the situation is, whether hopeful or completely bleak, the best thing you can do for yourself is to focus on your own self esteem and making yourself better. You cannot base your whole life on a relationship you had/have with another person. Immediately focusing on the negative doesn't solve anything. I know I've been through a lot of crap in the past couple months, and in a lot of ways I feel betrayed, lost, angry, and sad. These emotions come naturally, and making yourself ignore them feels impossible. But you aren't being asked to ignore them; instead, realize that life is more than just love. Life is many things, and it should be enjoyed to its full potential. Believe and know that everything happens for a reason, whether you understand it now or not. If you truly love your ex, and your ex loves you in return, then you two will eventually come back to each other. But make sure you help yourself, because thats the best thing you can do. The more you love yourself, the more you can love the company of friends, and even potential mates (whether it be your ex or someone new).

 

It may be hard to understand that now (and it still is for me. There are two sides of my brain clashing over this right now, because there is still a part of me who doesn't want to believe that things are over, at least for now) but know that the only thing you can do at this point is to just respect and admire who and what YOU are. You may find out that you don't want to be with your ex, or you may find out through experience that you really do want to be with them. Either way, know that no matter what you have to live your own life, and not one that has to be experienced through another.

Posted

thanks for posting this stuff it really helps to read it. i may print it out and keep it by me or something its very reassuring.

Posted
I have been reading through countless threads here and I see lots of heartache and lots of pain. Rightfully so. I mean matters of the heart are no joke. We can't control if the person we love comes back and we can't manipulate them either. However we can control how we deal with the situation. Like many of you when my fiancee' first put me on the ropes with her one-two knock out punch of "I need some time and space to sort through doubts before we can continue on" I was confused, devastated, and worst of all my confidence and faith was crushed. At first I thought how malicious can she be to ask me to wait while she does whatever. I, like many of you, suspected another man was to blame even though nothing would suggest that. But I have to ask you does focusing on your ex/semi-ex/compilication make you feel better? I know it's hard but you have to focus on yourself. For instance, I have taken up boxing as a way of venting my frusturation and anger. You have no idea how relaxing punching a bag can be. I am also concentrating on my education. Life doesn't stop just because of relational woes despite what you our brains tell us. There is a certain kind of clarity that comes with a renewed sense of self awareness. Use this time as a way of making sure about your own commitment because in lieu of our cataclysmic event we now place the breaker of our hearts on a pedestal that isn't truly deserved. Maybe this will affirm your love, maybe it won't. I can't promise you that things will work out in the end. Sometimes they do, and sometimes they don't. You have to be tough and prepare for either way. Yet, I warn against a calloused outlook that posions your perception of your loved one. I notice that many responses here are very negative. People read the quick summary of your situation and then project their own bias and bad experience which will only bring you down if that is all you see, which can in turn affect how you react if there is a second chance and may sabotage your efforts before it even comes. It may even prevent the second chance. Hold to hope and remember that love is all enduring. There is a lot of bad advice on here and filtering through can be difficult. I am not saying that the advice isn't true to the situation but I see alot of people saying to hit the road running at the first sign of trouble. That's the cowards way out. If there is a viable chance at reconciliation, work at it. You might regret it more if you don't. If you want postive encouragement, prayer, or just someone to correspond with shoot me a line. That's what this site is for, not ex-fest bashorama.:D

 

 

I could really use some prayer and encouragement. We broke up and it's so much the better for both of us... we had a great break up, we were both very upset but we knew it was time. We love each other but we're not right for each other and I think that's because we're in different places.

 

I'm just having a tough time hanging on to the NC and staying strong. I miss her terribly.

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