Lishy Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Hiya guys, My very good friend has been with her man for 18 months and they are serious. He is a really nice guy and they have quite a bot in common BUT when he comes to her house he refuses to watch certain things on tv that are her favourite things to watch (2 programmes in particular) The thing is that he lays on her bed watching what he wants to watch as she sits alone in the other room watching her programme. He refuses to watch what she does and will talk through it if he does. Now, the thing is that I feel this will turn into a problem in the future as IMO things like watching tv together and having similar tastes in programmes is important. Dont get me wrong I watch nearly zero tv every day as I am too busy but I think there is nothing better, after a stressful day, then sitting on the sofa cuddling up to your man and watching something good on the box I am not talking about every day but you should have that in common or be willing to compromise dont you think?
woods321 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I dated an AWESOME woman in the past who let me watch whatever I wanted. We didn't watch much tv anyway. But when I was at her place, I was the guest. Am I going to sit there and watch a lifetime movie? Oprah? NO WAY. She sounds pretty difficult.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 That depends--is one of the programs Sex and the City? Because it's degrading to make your bf watch that. Completely out of line. I agree with you, but it does also depend on how prominent a role TV plays in your spending time together, and if that aversion for certain TV programs extends to movies/theatre/music/etc.
Lovely Disaster Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Personally I do enjoy watching TV when I am alone. I also enjoy watching movies with my SO. However, watching TV isn't something that is much of my lifestyle. Her boyfriend is very rude to talk over her favorite programs, however, why is she wanting to watch her favorite TV programs when he is there? She should be spending time with him, not watching her TV shows....so that is the thing that is off. She can always record her shows and watch them when they aren't together. When he is there and they both want to watch TV, they should be watching things they mutually enjoy or choosing a movie together they enjoy, if that is a part of the time they are spending together. I am dating someone and he will turn on Sports Center for about 10 minutes, and then he wants to focus on me, which is how it should be, since he invited me over after a date. However, I enjoy Sports Center, I just am not wanting to sit and watch the whole show, and he doesn't want to watch it when I'm there because he'd rather focus on me, which is how it should be (because he's more into me then Sports Center.) The problem seems to be that your friend doesn't really seem that into him if she is focused on watching her favorite TV programs while he is there. That is the problem.
fral945 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I am not talking about every day but you should have that in common or be willing to compromise dont you think? They sound like an old married couple already, lol. I don't see why that matters. I'd say he should be willing to compromise sometimes, though. My parents have been married 30+ yrs and they've always watched TV in separate bedrooms. Dad watches sports and politics and mom watches soaps and Lifetime. I remember in my childhood saying goodnight to my mom watching her sappy love story type movies in the living room and going into the bedroom saying goodnight to my dad while he watched the (insert sport here) game or some political debate type show. My parents do go see movies at the theater together occasionally. In fact, I know quite a few married couples like that. It obviously doesn't bother them that much. Probably a good way to have some space apart, you shouldn't be spending all your time together anyway. A relationship built around having a lot of TV shows you both like probably isn't a very strong one.
woods321 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Lovely, exactly. I would be a "jerk" if i invited a girlfriend over and insisted on watching a 4 hour baseball game while she is there. Or if I suggested SHE is rude for not wanting to watch with me. That girl is lucky she isn't dumped. I think tv ruins families anyway. Some families have 4 tvs, and everyone is in their own room watching what they want. Ridiculous.
Author Lishy Posted July 26, 2008 Author Posted July 26, 2008 You have valid points LD, and I agree - I can just see this causing conflict later on if say they moved in together
Ronni_W Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 BUT when he comes to her house he refuses to watch certain things on tv that are her favourite things to watch... he lays on her bed watching what he wants to watch as she sits alone in the other room watching her programme. He refuses to watch what she does and will talk through it if he does. He sounds like lacking self-management skills if he doesn't have ability to just sit there and observe a freakin' TV show without being disrespectful of others' desires to watch it. (Talk about high maintenance!) On the other hand, there's nothing "wrong/bad" about not wanting to subject himself to anything that isn't his preference, especially when he doesn't have to. It is not a big deal that she has to watch "her" shows by herself, especially if he doesn't like them -- why force that on him? (Talk about high maintenance! ) Sounds as if they may both be caught up in power/control struggles...TV shows simply being their "problem of choice" instead of having to acknowledge and deal with the larger issue(s).
sfsassy Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I had this issue with my one ex. The only show that I liked to watch every week was American Idol. And not even the crazy first part, but just when good people had been chosen. He would make such a fuss about it. When there was a baseball game, I didn't mind too much if we watched that instead, even though I wasn't into it, but thought he should let me watch my one show a week. (Oh yes, and it was only the performannce nights I cared about, as I can read the results anywhere.) It wasn't like he was opposed to reality tv as we watched other reality shows, just the one that I was into! And yes, it turned out to be indicative of a larger problem where my needs weren't really considered in the relationship. And oh yes, he LOVED Sex and the City. More than I did!!!! He was so weird.
sfsassy Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Lovely, exactly. I would be a "jerk" if i invited a girlfriend over and insisted on watching a 4 hour baseball game while she is there. Or if I suggested SHE is rude for not wanting to watch with me. That girl is lucky she isn't dumped. I think tv ruins families anyway. Some families have 4 tvs, and everyone is in their own room watching what they want. Ridiculous. In my case, there was no other place but his room to go, as he had housemates. I did suggest maybe he clean up the kitchen while I watched my one hour show, but he thought it was intruding on our "alone time". He did make me watch a lot of baseball, lol.
woods321 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 It can be annoying. Especially if you are telling him what to do in his own home. Chick comes over, takes over the tv, and tells me to go clean. What? lol
Angel1111 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 If she's expecting him to watch something like Desperate Housewives or anything on Lifetime, I think she needs to understand that guys don't like to be roped into this kind of stuff. Personally, I can't stand them, either. I do like chickflicks and would like it if my bf went with me but I wouldn't expect him to. When a couple is married, they need to find a compromise because it's not going to work with them constantly being in separate rooms. He can't be totally inflexible and needs to learn to deal with it every now and then without being rude about it, same as she does. I'm not sure that it's a deal-breaker but I do think that if either of them are inflexible about a lot of other things, then it's probably a red flag. I think it's odd that a couple that is dating would go off in separate rooms.
endlesstrains Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 It can be annoying. Especially if you are telling him what to do in his own home. Chick comes over, takes over the tv, and tells me to go clean. What? lol yeah that sounds pretty unfair. sfsassy, if it was so important to you to watch that show once a week, why didn't you keep that night "to yourself" and watch it alone at your home? he was right when he said it was intruding into your alone time... you came over to his house, he expected to spend quality time with you, but instead you insisted on watching a show that he dislikes on his own television. the OP is a little bit different because the girl is in her own home but it still seems that if a television program is so important that you can't miss it, and your SO doesn't enjoy it, then don't invite your SO over that night. if you live together it's different of course... but i didn't get the impression that they did.
woods321 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I have made it this far in life, and i can honestly say there was never a TV show I had to plan my day around. However, if the world cup is on, a big fight etc, obviously I am watching it. My girlfriend would know that, and she wouldn't have to come over. 99% of the time a woman I dated would understand this, and would be happy to watch it with me. It just sounds ridiculous to me to date someone that would say "Well its Thursday, I have to watch th bachelor" . If a woman is that involved in silly TV shows we wouldn't be dating. If we do decide to watch tv, I would flip through channels and ask what she wants to watch. I really don't care that much. But if someone DEMANDS to be left alone while they watch tv, or feel I HAVE TO watch what they want, that would be a big turn off. It does seem like a power struggle.
havoc Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I don't have a television anymore, lol... But I do rent DVDs of shows I want to watch and -- can I say this? -- download. I get pretty addicted to the shows I like, and I would find it a put-off if my guy didn't like them too. If he had to leave the room while I was watching them, I would think a) we're not compatible or b) I know what I'm watching is trash so I can't blame him. Fortunately, my guy is as addicted as I am to the same shows (that I introduced him to!), but I can see myself liking something trashy that he wouldn't like, and then I wouldn't want him there at all! I had a whole ritual with one show -- I would buy nachos from my local taqueria and eat them while devouring both the nachos and the show. When I met my boyfriend, I thought I could continue this ritual, but I was stupid, and I shared my show with him. He got hooked too...=( Pity, because I really enjoyed those nachos + silly show... but, then again, having him share the show-love is pretty awesome too.
sweetbutcheeky Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 The thing is that he lays on her bed watching what he wants to watch as she sits alone in the other room watching her programme. He refuses to watch what she does and will talk through it if he does. Now, the thing is that I feel this will turn into a problem in the future as IMO things like watching tv together and having similar tastes in programmes is important. I don't think they have to like all the same things. But what shows that you care/love someone is that your willing to do things with them because they enjoy them. I think this could be a huge problem, it's a tv show now but in the future will they be having separate nights out and bedrooms?
Lovely Disaster Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Even married couples and live-in couples have time they can watch their own shows. My sister gets home from work about an hour and a half before her husband and she takes that time to watch her show she likes that my brother-in-law can't stand. My BIL isn't that into any one particular show to the point he records any, but they do enjoy watching certain shows together. There are a few channels that he enjoys, such as Discovery CHannel, and since my sister wants to spend time with her husband, she compromises and watches his fave Discovery Channel shows with him sometimes because he likes to talk about them with her. In that situation, it's about some compromise. they only have one TV and get along great. It has to be about communication in your friend's case, Lishy. If a certain show is that important to her, then instead of saying "yes, let's hang out on Friday night" to her boyfriend, she should be honest and say "You know, it's really important to me to watch the Sex and the City marathon on Friday night. If you want to join me great. However it would seem odd to me since she can just record them.
trubella Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 This reminds me of when my bf came over and i wanted to watch the L word(one of my favorite shows) I thought guys dig lesbians and he wouldnt mind, apparently not. good thing i have ONdemand, can always go back and watch it, but when hes a guest here i compromise, let him watch what he wants for the most part. shouldnt be a big deal.
woods321 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Exactly trubella, thats what a lady does. Only an immature baby would run to another room after they invite you over to sit in front of a tv by themselves.
Lovely Disaster Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Yes, I just don't get it with the OP's friend's situation. When my boyfriend comes over for just one night, or for the entire weekend, I am wanting to spend time with him, not watching a TV show and kicking him out to do so. We spend enough time apart during the week, we are psyched when we get to see each other. If that means I am watching a football game for 3 hours as part of the weekend, I really don't care, I'll bring him a beer and order us pizza.
Mermaiden Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 ya know my abusive exBF had issues and little powerplays over tv viewing.. he would talk during my two fave programs JUST to try and get my attention Or he would call me at my condo when they were on and scream at me if i said i would call him back when they were over now when a guy tells me I shouldnt watch a tv program I will run screaming. some guy told me I shouldnt watch one tree hill because only stupid women watch it. The guy Im about date is so cute because he likes everything I do and we're like twins.
Author Lishy Posted July 27, 2008 Author Posted July 27, 2008 Great replies!!!! This is not neccessarily about the tv, this is about the lack of compromise! She will watch things she does not want to just because he wants to watch it but he refuses to do the same! He can be quite selfish and I wonder about problems later on when they do decide to live together or get married My question really was is this a red flag in general?
Ronni_W Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 My question really was is this a red flag in general? In general, I would have to vote "YES".
woods321 Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 Well, in case you didn't notice, men and women are not the exact same. You cant invite a man to your home and then MAKE him watch some tv garbage. That just comes off as a bitch with a control problem.
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