silvergirl Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I know I have it. I'm the girl who's bf won't invite her to his house, we broke up, work together, got back together, and now I don't know if we should've. I am still struggling with all these issues, he promises he will get over the house thing, but I just find it hard to believe him. (We've been together 3 years and I've never been to his house). It's only been 2 weeks since we got back together, but I still feel like there should have been more of a change by now. I am so confused, I don't know if I should leave him and move on or try to be patient. Truth is, I don't know if he'll let me.
sid3 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 It's tough to be patient. Not at first, but as time passes I think we all have expectations on how we'd like to see changes. Although not being to a guy's house after three years together is just creepy. Three months would seem odd, WTF! Working together makes for a sticky situation. I'm not sure two weeks is enough time to really see any changes. But three years is more than enough.You should bail.
Author silvergirl Posted July 26, 2008 Author Posted July 26, 2008 It's very strange about the house thing, I mean we have every other aspect of a relationship. We vacation together, the working together thing, does suck, but it does ensure I know where he is, he knows my daughter they love eachother, it's very strange. I don't know if he's hiding bodies, or if he lives like a beast. I don't think I'll ever understand it. If it really was true love, he would get over his hangup, especially after 3 years.
Art_Critic Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I personally would force the issue.. Show up at his house and ask to get a tour.. If he is a slob then maybe he is so embarrassed that he is willing to ruin his relationship with you.. Maybe if you see why he is hiding this part of his life from you you can bring it out in the open and the issue will no longer be an issue. It might be that simple...
fabulousgal Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 do you really see this going anywhere? he won't let you see how he lives...after 3 years. living habits, one's home, etc are all very important things to present to your mate to one share yourself and two to see if you are compatible down the road. this is a huge red flag to me. i would be very suspicious. i don't think you can force this, tell him its an issue and your relationship can't progress until....then let him make a choice. he stops being a weirdo or loses you and your lovely daughter. plan and simple.
Mermaiden Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 HAHAHA Im sorry, but this insane. WTH Youd go on vacations together but havent seen his house ? Break up.
LoveLace Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 What is his reason to you for not inviting you to his place? Or does he refuse to explain? I don't know how you've dealt with it for 3 years. That's ridiculous...I would expect a guy to invite me over after a few months, MAX. No excuse could possibly be a good one for this if you ask me, but who knows... I think if you make agreements to improve a relationship, efforts to do so should start right away, not whenever you feel like it. So if he hasn't made effort, chances are he never will and you shouldn't waste any more of your time.
Mermaiden Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 I just keep thinking of the movie The Cell reading this question.
Author silvergirl Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 I know, I know, something is definitely up. I think maybe I should show up at his house, then by his reaction, I would know then what was going on..........MAYBE
Angel1111 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I think he's married. Most guys are proud of where they live, even if it is a little messy, I've never heard of this except in cases where the guy is married. I wouldn't show up at his door but I'd find out where his house was and cruise by to see what you see. I agree with the others - this is a big red flag. You should've insisted that he take you to his house before agreeing to get back together with him.
theobserver Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Maybe he lives with his family (as in parents) and is embarrassed because maybe they're not... civil plus he could be just embarrassed he lives with his parent(s). Maybe he does have a secret family ( as in a partner/wife with possible children) and doesnt want you to know. There can be many reasons for you not being invited over it could be innocent it could be tragic. Only thing to do is to talk to him about this issue how uncomfortable it's making you and you just want the truth preflebly with some proof too to back up any claim he makes. I disagree every man is proud of their home we just take pride when it looks good enough to impress a woman. A very close friend of mine was in horrible debt went through a horrible divorce and lived in what could only be described as a shack . If you were dating a great guy who seemed to be perfect then get invited back to his shack would you want to stick around knowing that at this moment if you became more serious he would most likely depend on you? Now ofcourse this man shows no hint of being poor he's taking her on vacations etc I'm not saying he has a rational excuse though but let's not call him a cheat yet either just talk to him. Good Luck.
Author silvergirl Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 Believe me, he's not married. I work with him, and we talk all the time, I know where he is at all times, I have his home number, and yes, I've done the "cruising by the house" thing a couple of times. Noone there but him. We've had the talk, he tells me, every time he gives his "all" in a relationship it blows up in his face, and that it is a weird complex that he is trying to get over. I just don't think I can wait for him any longer, I never expected it to take this long.
Art_Critic Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Maybe he is a hoarder.. weirder things have happened.. I guess the only way to know is see the house... I knew someone who was a hoarder.. Sitting in his living room was impossible because of the thousands of newspapers and magazines in 4 foot stacks everywhere
LoveLace Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Well it doesn't sound like he's married. There has to be a reason for this though. I'm dying to know what it is myself... I would tempted to snatch his house key when he isn't looking, have it copied and scope out his crib while he's not home...but that's crazy...right?
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