Jump to content

gaining perspective...envisioning your next partner?

extraordinarymachine

By extraordinarymachine
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

extraordinarymachine Member

extraordinarymachine

Posted
Posted

So for some us the grief is still too fresh to see anything right/wrong about our old relationship or partner, much less assess the compatibility there. For those of us who are little bit further along in the process and starting to see the relationship for what it REALLY was, what do you think your next partner should be like?

 

Are there things about your ex that you liked a lot and would love to find in someone else? More importantly, what did NOT work? What traits does your next partner need to have that your ex lacked?

 

Lastly, what about YOU? Do you see places in yourself you'd like to change? To have that new "ideal" partner you envision, who would you need to be?

 

Just some topic starters :)

 

I think envisioning the future, envisioning a partner who is better suited to us can give us hope that the relationship ending was not the end of the world as we know it. :)

borelandkaren Established Member

borelandkaren

Posted
Posted
So for some us the grief is still too fresh to see anything right/wrong about our old relationship or partner, much less assess the compatibility there. For those of us who are little bit further along in the process and starting to see the relationship for what it REALLY was, what do you think your next partner should be like?

 

Are there things about your ex that you liked a lot and would love to find in someone else? More importantly, what did NOT work? What traits does your next partner need to have that your ex lacked?

 

Lastly, what about YOU? Do you see places in yourself you'd like to change? To have that new "ideal" partner you envision, who would you need to be?

 

Just some topic starters :)

 

I think envisioning the future, envisioning a partner who is better suited to us can give us hope that the relationship ending was not the end of the world as we know it. :)

 

While I quite understand what you're getting at, it could also smack of desperation. Shouldn't we just be focusing on making ourselves happy inside, rather than worrying about a new r/s. I think about all of the above from time to time and as I stated on a previous post, have looked at dating sites, not for any other reason to see if anyone appeals, physically but overall, I (even after 4 months) know that I cannot look at anything on an emotional level until I've sorted thru the reasons that I make such crappy choices where men are concerned. I think, personally that it will be a couple of years before I can even begin to consider allowing anyone to share in my life (emotionally, not sexually!!) After this time, who knows but after what I've gone thru for the past 12 1/2 years (with two of my exes) I don't think I'll be ready. And I'll know when I am. Now is not that time.:confused:

nopainnogain Established Member

nopainnogain

Posted
Posted

Ive been split from my cheating ex for 4 months now. I still have a lot of healing left so Im not ready to have a g/f for a while. But I do envision what Id like my next partner to be like....So when I am ready to date and all that Ill know what type of woman I want. I know what I dont want .

  • Author
extraordinarymachine Member

extraordinarymachine

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I see what you are saying, but I just don't feel it's desperate. For my part, I am happy with myself and I'm confident I'll find someone else to be happy with at some point. I'm not rushing that process and I will be content working on myself in the meantime and even during that new r/s. I certainly don't see a new partner "solving everything" if that's what you are driving at.

 

For me it is very self-positive to be confident that I will be in love again. I am not advocating rebounding, but thoughtful reflection on the past and envisioning the future is a good way to draw something practical from my split. Even more so, to figure out what went wrong and know how to accept the love I deserve seems important. Maybe not for everyone, as I said, but I feel I'm at a point where I'm beginning to have clarity on the subject. I was more asking those folks who are getting to a place of thinking about possible new relationships and what their thoughts are on the whole thing :)

motive2002 Established Member

motive2002

Posted
Posted

My next partner will be me settling for someone that I'm not all that into because my self esteem is totally shot and for some reason I don't think I'm worth getting what I really want.

 

Yeah I'm a basket case. There you go. At least I'm honest with myself and others about it for now and I know what I need to work on to get myself back to 100%

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...