Why Boys Should Pay

[woods321]

LOL..

 

So once sex enters the equation, the male pays. Got it. The asking really isn't important or the reason.

 

Now look..

 

In my opinion a perfect date would be

 

You are laughing, enjoying each others company, buying each other drinks and not even thinking of money. Being together transcends money. Its not that the man doesn't want to pay, or cant pay, but money isn't even in the realm of importance. People higher on Maslows hierarchy of needs might interact this way.

 

If you are a female with that attitude, more likely than not you are a keeper, and REAL generosity is headed your way.

 

I mean do you really feel that good that the man spent a few dollars on your dinner? Its petty.

[tm83]

If the man asks her out then he should def pick up the tab. I always appreciate it when the woman offers to pay half, but I always refuse, at least the first few dates. If you are the one deciding on where you go and such then you should be a man and be willing to pick up the tab. If the woman is adamant the 2nd or 3rd time about paying then split it, or let her pick it up and you get the tip or drinks afterwards. If the woman asks the man out then she should expect to pay but the guy should pay anyway if he had a good time. If you cant afford to buy a woman dinner or drinks then dont date or learn how to cook and go on a lot of pickniks!

[xpaperxcutx]

I don't really feel "good" about it, it's just the normal way it goes. If I ask him out, I enjoy paying. (But like I said, I don't ask men out initially.) I am not feeling "good" about him paying, but that a guy I am possibly interested in wants to go out with me. I am not going to deny him the pleasure of treating me, which is traditionally done.

 

I already stated that after a relationship has begun, I start paying.

 

A normal, read-blooded male feels "good" about a woman he wants to ask out accepting his request to go out for dinner and movies and WANTS to treat her. THAT IS WHY HE ASKED HER OUT. He has chosen her as someone special and of interest, so he really does want the pleasure of taking her out.

 

I take it you don't date much, huh, Woods?

 

I don't get why this is even an issue. I've never had a guy ask me out complain about this, he was happy to take me out and wanted to do so, since he asked me out. Also, as I said, I DO offer on a first date "do you want help with that" and have NEVER been taken up on that. We are talking in the VERY FIRST DATING STAGES. If a guy is going to take issue with paying for a few dates, umm yeah, he's a loser.

 

I totally agree 100% percent. I don't mind paying if I asked the guy out since I was the one who proposed the date, but if a guy asks me out I would assume that he's paying for the meal.

 

But if a guy complains about paying for the date, he might as well shouldn't have asked me out in the first place.

[woods321]

Complete BS.

 

So all of you women all of a sudden ask men out, and then take them out and pay. LOL yeah right.

 

And if at the end of the dinner (that you asked him to) he just sits there and watches you pay the bill all by yourself, you are totally fine with that?

 

"Since you did the asking" lol

[woods321]

You just don't understand logic.

 

I already stated that if you feel you are equal, and want to be equal, then pay half.

 

I am not sure why you EXPECT men to pay. Should they EXPECT sex?

 

Or is a "gentleman" defined as a guy who spends money and doesn't like sex?

 

You are transparent and lying. You already stated on another thread you want a guy who makes lots of money so he can take you on vacations.

 

Just admit, when sex is in the scenario or a possibility, you expect men to pay.

 

It's funny how the old fashioned rules only apply when it comes to a man spending money. Will you do the cooking and cleaning? Or are you now completely useless accept for accepting money?

[Lovely Disaster]

It's not rocket science and it's been done and accepted this way for a long, long time.Men like it this way. If they are real men, not wimpy excuses for ones, they want to treat a woman they are interested in to dinner and a movie, and get the opportunity to spend time with her.

 

I don't see how cooking and cleaning has anything to do with it. That aspect really isn't a factor unless you are in a serious relationship and living together, or married, then you work out a system together of household chores.

 

We are only talking about a few dates here, a few dates that a guy wants because he wants to spend time with a woman on dates.

 

I don't necessarily want a man who makes a lot of money to "take me on vacations" but I want one who can afford to go on vacations with me, as I work hard and make a salary and manage my finances so I can do so myself currently. I want a partner who would share my passion for traveling, and that would entail a guy who has the ability to save money to be able to do that occasionally.

 

Sorry but couples going on vacations together really isn't way out of the realm of reality. Who pays for what, you decide together, that is the couples' business. If one of you wants to buy the plane tickets as a gift,that is their personal choice. If you want to split vacation expenses 50/50, go for it, that's your personal decision as a couple.

Again, here we are talking a serious relationship.

[woods321]

Traditions change.

 

Men paid because they were the ones working. Lets face it, women were also much different back then.

 

They were simply much more lady like. Roles were defined. Feminine and masculine. Dominant and submissive. A big reason men wanted one woman was because sex was hard to come by. That has changed.

 

But it seems women today ( of course none will admit it on this board), still like the idea of a chivalrous man. However, they do NOT want to be the old fashioned woman anymore. They have had sex with tons of men, even suggesting they cook or clean makes you sound like a cave man, but they STILL want you to make more money AND pay.

 

The problem is that men have no use for this woman, which is why many of you will be single for a very long time. Maybe you will get a FWB if you are lucky. Sex is too easy to get, you cant do traditional "woman" chores, AND you still expect men to foot the bill.

[Lovely Disaster]

I guess I am not seeing how I am so terrible with the "whoever asks is who pays" thing. Usually the guy will ask me out, I will just pay.

I am dating someone right now, we make similar salaries. We have been dating a month . I will offer to pay half of the time, he will do it the other times.Our other following dates involved meals at fairly casual restaurants and free outdoor concerts, or pizza and movies at each other's places, stuff like that. I make him dinner at my place a couple nights. He pays, I pay, ummm....not an issue.

Other things, I will get the ticket or the cover charge, he will get drinks, we don't really discuss it.

But the first date, he asked me to a nice restaurant in a city an hour from us. He paid, but I offered. We were walking around at the fair after dinner and I bought him a little treat at one of the stands. He also paid the next few dates, he would occasionally accept a drink from me or me buying the popcorn at the movies. But...he did pay for the majority of the first couple of dates. Now he is happily dating me.

i fail to see how this makes me evil or money-grubbing.

[The Collector]

There is no logical reason nowadays why men should pay for a woman's company. Though there are plenty who are desperately defending this 'chivalrous, time-honoured' arrangement because they are too cheap to pay their way.

 

Woods is of course right - women never ask men out, so the 'who asks, pays' line is nonsense, and never applies to any other same sex scenario - I wonder how gays and lesbians approach this issue?

 

Many women who are very comfortable with the dying status quo will use shaming and scarcity techniques to scare off any who dare question it. 'A real man pays.' ''Offer to pay half and your not getting a second date.' Whatever, I'm not interested in your cheap, selfish ass anyway.

 

And for the record, I have a beautiful girlfriend to whom I made it clear to on the first date I wouldn't be covering the bill, and did it put her off? Did it ****.

[Lovely Disaster]

Yes, well, I am a beautiful woman who has been dating a guy for a month who asked me out and WANTED to pay for dinner at a nice restaurant an hour away of where we live.

 

I OFFERED to chip in, he didn't WANT to. He wanted to pay for the first few dates and didn't want me to pay anything, does this make him bad?

 

He paid for the next few dates at casual restaurants, I paid for his treat at a fair....it's not an issue. I made dinner once at my place.

I fail to see that a man asking out a woman and wanting to pay is wrong.

[woods321]

There are different types of women.

 

Some women (who actually are successful themselves) could care less about who pays. It isn't even on either persons mind. Things just flow.

 

 

Some women think at a VERY LOW level. They are probably debt ridden , broke, poor, or don't make much money either , so they

 

a. Need the man to pay

b. Have such low self esteem that buying them a dinner makes them feel special.

 

And we aren't talking about 1 date. Women with the latter attitude carry that through the entire relationship.

 

And you already stated that you would not go on a second date with a man that let you chip in. FAKE and transparent.

[Lovely Disaster]

No, that doesn't make me cheap. If he is there saying "I want you to pay for your half" and he is the one who asked me out, I would politely decline a second date, should he ask. If one date is going to put him out so much, and he has asked me out, I don't think we'd be compatible. I want a guy who wants me to be happy. As we begin dating steadily and become exclusive, I enjoy treating to the point where it becomes 50/50. However if a man earns a lot more than I do, he usually wants to pay all the time.

[The Collector]

Yes, well, I am a beautiful woman who has been dating a guy for a month who asked me out and WANTED to pay for dinner at a nice restaurant an hour away of where we live.

 

I OFFERED to chip in, he didn't WANT to. He wanted to pay for the first few dates and didn't want me to pay anything, does this make him bad?

 

He paid for the next few dates at casual restaurants, I paid for his treat at a fair....it's not an issue. I made dinner once at my place.

I fail to see that a man asking out a woman and wanting to pay is wrong.

 

 

Forget 'bad' or 'wrong' and try to address the concepts of 'fair' and 'logical.'

[Lovely Disaster]

If he asks me out and wants to pay, then what makes that illogical? You're basically saying that every man I've dated is illogical.

[The Collector]

Just because people do stuff doesn't make it logical. Why shouldn't you pay for your food and drink? Because someone else is afraid if they don't pay for it, they won't get to see you again? Because they have out-dated ideas of proving they are a good provider? Do you have a job? Do you need a man to carry you? Why is your company only rentable?

 

The women I respect are the ones in this thread who are proud to pay their own way, and aren't looking for free meals against the threat of no sex. Those are the ones that would pass MY tests and get real, lasting generosity in return.

[woods321]

So you have a boyfriend.. Just curious.. Why did you start the thread today asking about how much is a lot of money to make?

 

It seems he makes your same amount. Unhappy about that? Apparently so.

[woods321]

Exactly...

 

When a woman EXPECTS dinner to be paid for, and acts like it, it says a lot about them. The fake "Do you need help" when the bill comes is a turn off and also transparent.

 

It seems to me that they are also missing the big picture. Yes the man pays. But how much cooler would he think you are if you really didn't have that mindset?

 

It might build alot of trust if you were just a cool woman, not one who will not see the man again if he accepted your FAKE offer of payment for the food you ate, or drinks you consumed. Evolve.

[lovestruck818]

There is no logical reason nowadays why men should pay for a woman's company. Though there are plenty who are desperately defending this 'chivalrous, time-honoured' arrangement because they are too cheap to pay their way.

 

Woods is of course right - women never ask men out, so the 'who asks, pays' line is nonsense, and never applies to any other same sex scenario - I wonder how gays and lesbians approach this issue?

 

Many women who are very comfortable with the dying status quo will use shaming and scarcity techniques to scare off any who dare question it. 'A real man pays.' ''Offer to pay half and your not getting a second date.' Whatever, I'm not interested in your cheap, selfish ass anyway.

 

And for the record, I have a beautiful girlfriend to whom I made it clear to on the first date I wouldn't be covering the bill, and did it put her off? Did it ****.

 

I've asked several guys out and paid for all of them...

[lovestruck818]

Yes, well, I am a beautiful woman who has been dating a guy for a month who asked me out and WANTED to pay for dinner at a nice restaurant an hour away of where we live.

 

I OFFERED to chip in, he didn't WANT to. He wanted to pay for the first few dates and didn't want me to pay anything, does this make him bad?

 

He paid for the next few dates at casual restaurants, I paid for his treat at a fair....it's not an issue. I made dinner once at my place.

I fail to see that a man asking out a woman and wanting to pay is wrong.

 

That isn't wrong. To me, it's when a women EXPECTS a man to always pay, that is wrong. None of the men I date are millionaires. It is not fair or expected that men pay everytime...or IMO, ANY time at all.

[Lovely Disaster]

No, that wasn't really a dating question. Well it was indirectly related to dating.

I live in the Pacific NW and I was just curious as to when someone states they make a lot of money, what that is to some people. I make enough for a single person, buying new clothes when I want but not an outrageous amount, but I can't imagine having kids. That is all that was. I have a good guy friend who I dated last fall and he did ask to go halfsies on the first date so I assumed that he just saw me as a friend, nothing more. So I didn't accept his offers to go out again and it turns out he was bummed. I recently texted him out of curiosity and we had dinner and he said he was interested but he figured since I seemed like a modern woman type, he thought I would want to pay on our first date.

 

But that moment has passed and now we have hung out and he even has a girlfriend now and we are planning on the 4 of us all going out.

 

However who knows how long this guy I am seeing now will last, it's only been a month, you never know how things play out in the dating world.

 

No, I'm not a money digger. ha ha.

[lovestruck818]

No, that wasn't really a dating question. Well it was indirectly related to dating.

I live in the Pacific NW and I was just curious as to when someone states they make a lot of money, what that is to some people. I make enough for a single person, buying new clothes when I want but not an outrageous amount, but I can't imagine having kids. That is all that was. I have a good guy friend who I dated last fall and he did ask to go halfsies on the first date so I assumed that he just saw me as a friend, nothing more. So I didn't accept his offers to go out again and it turns out he was bummed. I recently texted him out of curiosity and we had dinner and he said he was interested but he figured since I seemed like a modern woman type, he thought I would want to pay on our first date.

 

But that moment has passed and now we have hung out and he even has a girlfriend now and we are planning on the 4 of us all going out.

 

However who knows how long this guy I am seeing now will last, it's only been a month, you never know how things play out in the dating world.

 

No, I'm not a money digger. ha ha.

 

It really depends where you live what determines "a lot" of money or a "little." In order tyo make a mediocre living here in NY, one would need at least $60k a year...and that's for a decent living. Other places in the country one could live like a king on that salary. It's really relative to where you live.

[lovestruck818]

No, that wasn't really a dating question. Well it was indirectly related to dating.

I live in the Pacific NW and I was just curious as to when someone states they make a lot of money, what that is to some people. I make enough for a single person, buying new clothes when I want but not an outrageous amount, but I can't imagine having kids. That is all that was. I have a good guy friend who I dated last fall and he did ask to go halfsies on the first date so I assumed that he just saw me as a friend, nothing more. So I didn't accept his offers to go out again and it turns out he was bummed. I recently texted him out of curiosity and we had dinner and he said he was interested but he figured since I seemed like a modern woman type, he thought I would want to pay on our first date.

 

But that moment has passed and now we have hung out and he even has a girlfriend now and we are planning on the 4 of us all going out.

 

However who knows how long this guy I am seeing now will last, it's only been a month, you never know how things play out in the dating world.

 

No, I'm not a money digger. ha ha.

 

You should have paid on the first date...it's wrong to assume a man will or think he should, You said it yoruself, you amke enough, so act like it.

[MaxManwell]

If a man can't take me to a restaurant and it is to the point where him paying is putting him out financially, I am out of his league anyway, I don't want to date someone who is so financially strapped, taking me out a couple times a week is a problem.

 

I am terribly sorry I am not up to your standards and that you are so far out of my league. Does that mean I get to miss out on the experience of spending my hard earned pennies on you ? I would be missing out on a lot of incoherent conversation and mis-use of logic that it might be just the same as watching the television.

 

I don't mind paying for a girl if I take her out on a date but there are several conditions to this. I must have known her for sometime before asking her out I must have some sort of connection with her before asking her out on a date and she must be good looking enough that it would be some time before I get a date with someone like her again.

 

If I get that warm fuzzy feeling from being around a girl then for sure I would like to pay and I will because it gives me enjoyment. However, I am not going to pay for every single girl I try to date. I should not be told what to do with my money ! it is my choice and a privilege to be taken out on a date and have the night paid for not a right.

[Lovely Disaster]

You should have paid on the first date...it's wrong to assume a man will or think he should, You said it yoruself, you amke enough, so act like it.

 

 

Oh, yes, I absolutely did pay. Actually I stated "So what do I owe?" as a facetious joke....but I thought since he took my question seriously he was interested only platonically. I also thought he just hadn't dated in a while. But I am just used to the guy paying and not accepting my offer on the first date.

[MaxManwell]

My reason now for why the guys should pay is that sex is far more risky for the girl.

 

My ex got me pregnant and when we decided we didn't want kids, I was the one who had to have the abortion, which is going to be MY baggage to carry into every new relationship.

 

The least he could have done was buy me dinner.

 

That is a fair point although don't you think that places more of an emphasis on sex as being a possession that a male can take from a woman and not an episode of mutual enjoyment. I could extrapolate that line of thinking and say that as it is the Males duty to in a sense earn sex, that it becomes a right of his to enjoy it, and not the womans, because once provided becomes the Males possession.

 

In that right once a woman agrees to have sex with the man it should be under his control. Being your job to give him a blow job but not his duty to return the favor. Sex should be for his pleasure never mind if it hurts you or if he is going to fast or you want him to go slower.

 

I think that things should be even and as such so should payment for the dates otherwise we end up with a tangled mess of who is entitled to what out of the relationship. Women thinking they should get money and men thinking they should be able to bang the womans lights out with no regard for her well being.