lovestruck818 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I'm a girl...and i don't think a guy should HAVE to pay at all. In fact, I'd rather pay for him than him pay for me. It shows I am self-sufficient and that I WANT him, not NEED him. It shows I'm not materialistic and that I'm not interested in him for his money, but for his heart. Besides, who's to say a guy can afford it anyway/ I make triple what my boyfriend makes in salary so I often treat him alot more than he treats me...b/c financially he really can't afford it. And, no I don't work in porn.
lovestruck818 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I don't "expect" men to pay and I am not going on a date telling the guy this, but if he is asking me out, he would know to pay. If I asked a guy out, I would pay. But I don't ask guys out. If a guy asked me out and then told me to get out my billfold to pay my half, he wouldn't get another date from me. It's not about services, such as dinner. It's about the man wanting to spend time with the woman, so he WANTS to pay. I almost always will state "would you like me to help out with that?" and start to reach for my purse, but I can't ever think of a time when it was a real date, not an understood platonic male friend, that the guy wasn't a real man and didn't want to pay. I wouldn't want to go out with a guy on even one date if paying for dinner and /or a movie was really an issue. If he feels that is putting him out, and he feels he could be being "used" for paying for one night out, he's a total loser. But how does paying for you show he wants to spend time with you again? That's just the thing- guys are brought up that they have to pay each time- whether or not they like you or not. That's not a very good indicator of whether or not he likes you. I have been on plenty of dates where the guy has paid and I never got a 2nd date. A guy not offering to pay for you, IMO, should not be a dealbreaker. Maybe he honestly doesn't have the financial means to do so. If he is good-hearted that's all that should matter. You don't have to have money to know how or to want to love someone.
lovestruck818 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 The men used to pay because they used to be the primary providers. News flash: those days are long gone. Women who want to claim they always expect men to pay "because it's tradition" are way off the mark. Gals who always make a man pay are selfish and greedy, IMO. Amen, sister! I am actually the primary provider in my relationship, as well the homeowner.
Linux Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 The only reason guys pay is because if they don't, the chance of a second date is the limit approaching zero.
spookie Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 My reason now for why the guys should pay is that sex is far more risky for the girl. My ex got me pregnant and when we decided we didn't want kids, I was the one who had to have the abortion, which is going to be MY baggage to carry into every new relationship. The least he could have done was buy me dinner.
bish Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I don't "expect" men to pay and I am not going on a date telling the guy this, but if he is asking me out, he would know to pay. If I asked a guy out, I would pay. But I don't ask guys out. If a guy asked me out and then told me to get out my billfold to pay my half, he wouldn't get another date from me. It's not about services, such as dinner. It's about the man wanting to spend time with the woman, so he WANTS to pay. and I wouldn't have it any other way. However, you speak of this as the man is the only one getting something out of this....your company. You are getting the same thing as him AND dinner....so what are you going to do to live up to your end of it other than just being there? And no, I'm not talking about sex. I almost always will state "would you like me to help out with that?" and start to reach for my purse Don't say that if you don't mean it, because something tells me if the guy says, "sure if you want" thats when you decide he isn't worthy. I wouldn't consider letting a woman pay, as you said, if I ask her out, but what am I getting out of it other than your company if you are getting the same?
woods321 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Well in this day and age, if a female is working, and can't pay half, maybe she is the LOSER. I was asking LOGICALLY why. Not to call each other names. I guess you have no LOGICAL reason. So for you.. No pay= No sex. Sounds like prostitution. Except prostitution is far better, as at least it is guaranteed. On a date I thought both should put their best foot forward. What signal does it send when the bill comes and you just sit back staring? Paying does not signify a strong capable man. It might. But it might not. It also might signify a desperate guy that has to pay. The reason you don't want to pay is because you are cheap. Period
xpaperxcutx Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Well in this day and age, if a female is working, and can't pay half, maybe she is the LOSER. I was asking LOGICALLY why. Not to call each other names. I guess you have no LOGICAL reason. So for you.. No pay= No sex. Sounds like prostitution. Except prostitution is far better, as at least it is guaranteed. On a date I thought both should put their best foot forward. What signal does it send when the bill comes and you just sit back staring? Paying does not signify a strong capable man. It might. But it might not. It also might signify a desperate guy that has to pay. The reason you don't want to pay is because you are cheap. Period Woods all your references to prostitution suggests to me that you've been in the company of a few. Look the point of the matter is that most guys ask out women on a dinner date. If you have a problem with paying for dinner in the first place then don't ask the girl out and wasting her time. She would rather spend it with someone who's more than willing to foot for the bill.
lovestruck818 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Well in this day and age, if a female is working, and can't pay half, maybe she is the LOSER. I was asking LOGICALLY why. Not to call each other names. I guess you have no LOGICAL reason. So for you.. No pay= No sex. Sounds like prostitution. Except prostitution is far better, as at least it is guaranteed. On a date I thought both should put their best foot forward. What signal does it send when the bill comes and you just sit back staring? Paying does not signify a strong capable man. It might. But it might not. It also might signify a desperate guy that has to pay. The reason you don't want to pay is because you are cheap. Period Your first statement is right on the money. I'm female, I have a job, I take my boyfriend out a lot and pay for him most of the time and still have money to shop all I want and pay my mortgage- in New York- and @ 26 years old. All you women who expect a man to pay for you, get a grip on reality.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Your first statement is right on the money. I'm female, I have a job, I take my boyfriend out a lot and pay for him most of the time and still have money to shop all I want and pay my mortgage- in New York- and @ 26 years old. All you women who expect a man to pay for you, get a grip on reality. I think its common courtesy for the guy to pay for the 1st date. After that if he's still interested I wouldn't mind offering for the next one. It's not about money issues, it's about the interests and investment in the first date.
lovestruck818 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I think its common courtesy for the guy to pay for the 1st date. After that if he's still interested I wouldn't mind offering for the next one. It's not about money issues, it's about the interests and investment in the first date. I get very offended most of the time if a guy doesn't let me pay...b/c it makes me feel inferior to him like a) I don't have the money or b) like he doesn't want me to have any control of the situation
Lizzie60 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I think its common courtesy for the guy to pay for the 1st date. After that if he's still interested I wouldn't mind offering for the next one. It's not about money issues, it's about the interests and investment in the first date. I don't get it.. why should it be the guy who show interest and investment and not the other way around... even on the first date.. why not the women for Pete's sake?... this is sooooo 'old fashioned'... gosh everytime we (women) take one step forward.. we'll never get 'equal' with the men if we keep thinking like this.. geezz..
lovestruck818 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I don't get it.. why should it be the guy who show interest and investment and not the other way around... even on the first date.. why not the women for Pete's sake?... this is sooooo 'old fashioned'... gosh everytime we (women) take one step forward.. we'll never get 'equal' with the men if we keep thinking like this.. geezz.. I agree! It is just as important for a woman to show interest as it is for a man. It is expected usually that a man pays. What better way for a woman to show interest than to pick up the bill?
xpaperxcutx Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I don't get it.. why should it be the guy who show interest and investment and not the other way around... even on the first date.. why not the women for Pete's sake?... this is sooooo 'old fashioned'... gosh everytime we (women) take one step forward.. we'll never get 'equal' with the men if we keep thinking like this.. geezz.. Because apparently guys like to chase girls that are not even remotely interested while the girls that are, are left wondering what they did wrong. I agree! It is just as important for a woman to show interest as it is for a man. It is expected usually that a man pays. What better way for a woman to show interest than to pick up the bill? I know that when I pick up the bill, I'm either in a relationship with him, or he's out of a job.
lovestruck818 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Because apparently guys like to chase girls that are not even remotely interested while the girls that are, are left wondering what they did wrong. I know that when I pick up the bill, I'm either in a relationship with him, or he's out of a job. I'm usually not interested in men who insist on paying...your take isn't wrong...I'm just not very much into tradition. I got my boyfriend b/c I pretty much insisted I pay and if he tried, I was getting up and leaving. He found it very sexy that I took a little control and initiative and we have been together ever since.
woods321 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Thats the exact point I am trying to make... Either A. Admit men and women are different. Play the submissive role. Be the lady, allow the man to pay. He is chivalrous, you are a lady. This extends far past one date. He is always the man, and you are always the woman. Or B.. Continue with your crusade for "Equality". This does not mean equality solely when it fits you. That means EVERYTHING is 50/50. I think either is acceptable. The worst combination is a modern career woman who expects you to pay..
xpaperxcutx Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Thats the exact point I am trying to make... Either A. Admit men and women are different. Play the submissive role. Be the lady, allow the man to pay. He is chivalrous, you are a lady. This extends far past one date. He is always the man, and you are always the woman. Or B.. Continue with your crusade for "Equality". This does not mean equality solely when it fits you. That means EVERYTHING is 50/50. I think either is acceptable. The worst combination is a modern career woman who expects you to pay.. what you're implying is a black and white view when we know that it's more of a gray area. Having the guy pay doesn't make the woman submissive it just shows that the guy was more than happy to pay for the date that he initiated in the first place. And your definition of equality is out of context here. The fact is if you want us to pay 50/50 then why don't you just make it known when you first asked us out? Saves the time and the trouble of going out in the first place. Just go " Hey can I take you out for dinner on Saturday, but I'd expect that we'd split the bill".
xpaperxcutx Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I don't think that's quite what he meant. Some gals expect the guy to ALWAYS pay, but then when it comes to wanting to feel equal, they start whining. Then apparently he's not meeting the right of girls. The only reason I have a problem with woods accusations is that he seems to think ALL women are like that but they're not. It's just the 1st date around seems more romantic when the guy foots the bill it makes the girl feel special. But if the girl starts expecting him to pay for everything, then you have to wonder why the guy is still hanging around her.
woods321 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Well, a very large percentage of women are just like that. Their money is their money. Your money is their money. Go ask 100 random men, and I am sure they will tell you the same. Of course on loveshack all the woman pay AND a huge percentage ask men out on dates lol.
Leoni Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 This is the part that gets to me. No one "has" to do anything they don't want to do. Only victims blame the world for their personal inabilities. If a woman expects a man to pay and he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to. No one is controlling anyone. Both genders and individuals will do what suits them. Btw, a woman has full control over her body and will or will not allow a man to have any access to it. Same goes for the man. He's responsible for his own body and can choose to have sex or not, with whomever he's dating. No one can force the other to accommodate them, if that person is unwilling, unless it's an unlawful act.
woods321 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 And why is your company more valuable than his? Are you not getting dinner and company as well? So you must be "paid" for your time, lol. Sounds like an escort.
Sks Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 If I ask a girl out, I would pay for the first date as its me doing the initiation, if she asks me out for the first date then she should pay. All the dates after should be split as both people show interest in the relationship.
woods321 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 LOL I am trying to get at the logic of it. Ok, because you have a vagina, and he is a "loser" if he doesn't pay. I guess thats as logical as it gets. What if a girlfriend asks you out? Since she asks she pays?
Sks Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Uh, no, he asked me out because he was interested in me. How is this an escort? He likes me, he asks me out. He asks me out, he pays for dinner. If I ask him out, I pay for dinner. But I don't ask guys out unless we have already been dating for a while. I don't care how much you spend for dinner, I will not go out with you if I don't find you as someone I want to spend time with (initial attraction and spark.) I've never had a guy date me and be resentful at paying for a few dinners and coffees, movies, even if we only went out a few times. That is my point, a guy who has a problem with this, is a total loser and shouldn't date anyway. After the first date, both people show equal interest in the relationship. The initiator should no longer be the person paying for everything.
Lizzie60 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 If I ask a girl out, I would pay for the first date as its me doing the initiation, if she asks me out for the first date then she should pay. All the dates after should be split as both people show interest in the relationship. I think the other way would be better IMO.. the first date, 50/50.. then if they like each other, they take turns.. whoever ask for the date pays.. that seems fair.. It's not like the bill is split 50/50 to the penny... that would look greedy and 'losery'..
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