LionLover Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 The scenario is, you've been on 4 dates with a man within a month period. He is somewhat reserved but very kind, considerate & always a gentleman. At this point, you are now speaking by phone every day (sometimes several times throughout & mostly him calling). Sometimes the calls are lenghty, other times he calls just to chit chat. He always asks about your day, sometimes will text first thing in the morning just to say hello & wish you a good day, etc. He'll sometimes even reach out to you when he's out with friends or while he's at work. Now on the flip side, he's slowed down as far as intiating more dates. He's said (in a non-chalant manner), that sometimes he has a hard time reading me. Has also said he "does not want to jump into anything quickly", & he's "trying to feel me out". That "when two people don't know each other, they have to feel them out just don't dive into a swimming pool without knowing how deep the water is". I asked what he meant by that & he said "two people shouldn't fall for another too fast". Thoughts?
xpaperxcutx Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 He wants to go slow. Act nonchalant and tell him you feel the same way.
Author LionLover Posted July 26, 2008 Author Posted July 26, 2008 Thx. Well I know he wants to go slow but do you think it could be because he has good intentions as far as "us" & where it could possibly go or could it be something entirely different?
xpaperxcutx Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Thx. Well I know he wants to go slow but do you think it could be because he has good intentions as far as "us" & where it could possibly go or could it be something entirely different? Well you've only been on 4 dates with him during this entire month, it's not like you'll expect him to propose after two months... Give him the benefit of the doubt at this point. No need to act paranoid. If he's initiating the calls and texts, shows that he's interested in you.
imbewildered Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Has also said he "does not want to jump into anything quickly", & he's "trying to feel me out". That "when two people don't know each other, they have to feel them out just don't dive into a swimming pool without knowing how deep the water is". I asked what he meant by that & he said "two people shouldn't fall for another too fast". Thoughts? THis is man talk for, " I am open to the possibility of a relationship, but I am not going to sign up until I have qualified you as a suitable candidate, I have dated loonies and losers before and I do not want another one." Smart guy.
CommitmentPhobe Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Well yeah of course he has a hard time reading you you've only been out on 4 dates. Duh. I don't know why he's throwing complications in so early on.
likestolaugh Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 heh. Kinda really does sorta sound like my situation. look. This may sound rude or personal but don't take it that way... do you consider yourself to be a good looking person? Do you think others consider you to be? I know a few friends of mine who do similar things if they're not super physically attracted right away. They want to see what sort of person you are, and if that'll change things. or, it could be what everyone else said (and is actually much more likely)
2sunny Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 is there any possibility that he's married? if so, he may not have additional time/energy for your relationship due to the marriage. seems like an assumption of sorts - but i've seen many MM here play this role that you are describing... so - just a thought.
Suiyobi Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Just pulling out a question from a rat's ass but is he a Pisces by any chance? Anyhoo, just give him the benefit of the doubt. Or if anything, start initiating the dates. The scenario is, you've been on 4 dates with a man within a month period. He is somewhat reserved but very kind, considerate & always a gentleman. At this point, you are now speaking by phone every day (sometimes several times throughout & mostly him calling). Sometimes the calls are lenghty, other times he calls just to chit chat. He always asks about your day, sometimes will text first thing in the morning just to say hello & wish you a good day, etc. He'll sometimes even reach out to you when he's out with friends or while he's at work. Now on the flip side, he's slowed down as far as intiating more dates. He's said (in a non-chalant manner), that sometimes he has a hard time reading me. Has also said he "does not want to jump into anything quickly", & he's "trying to feel me out". That "when two people don't know each other, they have to feel them out just don't dive into a swimming pool without knowing how deep the water is". I asked what he meant by that & he said "two people shouldn't fall for another too fast". Thoughts?
Balthazar Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Just a few thoughts: 4 dates in a month is not a lot. In fact, it is quite too few. Yes, he does initiate contact and you do talk often, but this is a poor substitute for actual physical contact(a date). There are a few reasons I can think of why this is happening. For example, he may be dating another lady(ladies) and needs to carefully allocate time and resources to each one before deciding which one to pusue a relationship with. Alternatively, he may have issues with intimacy and wants to take things slow. The matter in this case is how deep-rooted his problems are. Logically, he needs to be around you more often to sort out these issues. Finally, it may just be what he says, however, it is very uncommon for a guy to go so slowly with a woman he is really attracted to. Judging from myself, I want to get to know her and do stuff with her. 4 dates in a period of 10-15 days sounds more logical than 4 in a month. CHeers,
Author LionLover Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 Thanks for everyone's advice (and a couple back-handed compliments..) In response to my situation, I would like to take giggles aside & smack him upside his head . Why? Because he's applied to many "rules" (knowlingly or not)… He follows a path of "tests" & "feelers" & “button pushing”. That’s well & good on the job, but not w/matters of the heart (ya know..where actual feelings are involved?). He's pushed my buttons (on more than one occasion), but does not realize THAT is what pushes me away. My feelings towards someone, are not sparked that way. That shouldn’t be what fuels someone's desire to be w/someone & that’s not how I view relationships (or love) to be. That’s why I don’t respond well to it. I've come to understand him better (he is a PO after all) & I guess that’s just how he is used to operating. But what he failed to realize during all of this - is that I fell for him WAY BEFORE all of that nonsense. I didn’t realize how much so on the “surface” because how can you feel that way towards someone after such a short time. But I followed whatever it was INSIDE of me…which led me to the 2nd, 3rd & 4th date. My feelings increased faster than I had realized & I was worried that it would be "too much" "too soon". I knew he wanted to go slow, so I tried to keep it at bay & go by his speed. Logically it made sense, but feelings are not logical so therein lays the problem. Too many "rules" & “road blocks” (unnatural) get in the way of that & things start to go haywire. In one of my failed attempts TO provide an environment for natural, I suggested we spend more time together. But that never happened. Maybe he needed more reassurance… Reassurance I couldve given him if he hadn’t thrown so many road blocks & button pushers in my face. Maybe he never realized just how much I grew to care about him (not just as a friend), before all those road blocks & button pushers were thrown in front of me. He is who I want & have wanted. I have not nor had a desire to date others, the minute this noodle walked through the door. I can only hope that what he's said here, is the actual truth because it is how Ive felt towards him & do.
likestolaugh Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Yes the guy I dated wasn't into me physically either. I remember one night we were in his car just talking & enjoying each other’s company... I sensed he wasn’t attracted towards me so we just ended up talking the rest of the night. I don’t really recall what was discussed per se, there was a lot of noise so it was difficult to hear anything. I think he was really uncomfortable being there w/me, like he wanted to go home or something. Not really sure, hard to say.. so you think he felt uncomfortable? That might just be his personality? Some people can give off that vibe at first, but aren't actually feeling that way.... it just takes a while to open up. btw, how's it going for you guys now anyway?
Author LionLover Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 btw, how's it going for you guys now anyway? What??? Yuck fou you sniffer of the glue!! How's "it" going? That's a very good question, Mr. Roboto..
likestolaugh Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 why yhank tou. I was asking if there's been any progress one way or another in regards to your situation...
Author LionLover Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 Your welcome. Progress, yes...I've aged about 10 years from then & now. Maybe in another 5 years I'll be ripe enough for him.
vonerik012 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Did you meet him on the internet too? I have never read so many threads in which people go on 4 or 5 dates, and the man wants to move very slowly, does not want sex, is very vague, seems to be losing interest, is not trying to see you more often, etc. I have never been in that situation myself, unless it was with a girl i dated from the internet. Most women I would meet, see fairly often, and pretty quickly become boyfriend and girlfriend. I never went on 4 or 5 dates spread out over a month , and just started to lose interest.
likestolaugh Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 it can happen if one person isn't as ready as they thought they were...
Author LionLover Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 it can happen if one person isn't as ready as they thought they were... Yes. He wasn't ready. I was ready, he wasn't. So, there you have it.
Author LionLover Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 it can happen if one person isn't as ready as they thought they were... Double post!
likestolaugh Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 not a phone call yet??! surely there's gotta be a way to get in touch with this guy. And hopefully once you do, contact will be a bit more fluid...
Star Gazer Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 You know what? I coulda written that same opening post about my text dumper...
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