softsilkbreeze Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Have you ever met someone who you thought was incredible, gotten to know them, then realized that it was all a figment of your imagination? I got involved with someone through cyberspace, where we seemed to connect on all levels. Everything happened so quickly that it was like a dream, chemistry raging, minds and hearts melding. Of course it was a dream, one that as time went on, the person inside came through a little bit at a time. The man with character slipped slowly into someone small, vicious and selfish, someone of little worth. So here I sit. In shock and disbelief. My head knew it for a long time on some level, but my heart wanted desperately to deny it. Now, my heart can't deny it. Hope died. I was a fool.
D-Lish Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 You're not a fool to believe what you did. You'd be a fool if you found out what he was all about and proceeded to pursue him! People aren't always what they seem to be- especially in cyber-space! People can pretend to be whomever they wish behind the computer screen. I don't trust 99% of the men I get in touch with through dating sites- simply because it's too easy to decieve someone when you haven't met in person. Don't beat yourself up over this! You'll be more prepared the next time to recognize red flags.
Author softsilkbreeze Posted July 26, 2008 Author Posted July 26, 2008 Thanks D-Lish. I'm sitting in front of my computer in tears, feeling like an idiot, needing to believe that there was someone even a tiny bit real. A shred, maybe even an ounce of human decency inside.
D-Lish Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Did you post a fuller version of the story in another post? What happened?
Author softsilkbreeze Posted July 26, 2008 Author Posted July 26, 2008 This is my first thread. We met a couple of years ago, that started with pure magic which turned into a roller coaster ride. The highs were like reaching for the stars, the lows, hell. There's not much more to say beyond once again, I'm a fool.
Angel1111 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Ohhhhh!!!! That really hurts. So sorry. Wanna tell us what happened?
Author softsilkbreeze Posted July 26, 2008 Author Posted July 26, 2008 Thank-you Angel. I can't. It's too raw. All a dream, a dream that died.
Meaplus3 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Thanks D-Lish. I'm sitting in front of my computer in tears, feeling like an idiot, needing to believe that there was someone even a tiny bit real. A shred, maybe even an ounce of human decency inside. I really know how you feel, as I have been there.Finding out that someone is not who they seemed to be is tough, and when the R is a cyber relationship IMO it makes it even harder to understand. Please don't feel like a fool. Hugs. AP:)
Author softsilkbreeze Posted July 26, 2008 Author Posted July 26, 2008 Oh Meaplus3, have you been there? You know what it's like. You want to kick yourself because you knew it, knew it, knew it. So many things told you so but you denied it.
TalkLikeLion Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Darling, I had that experience, only I spent physical time with him, and he had his "best friend" and my best school friend fooled, too I've learned that people like that aren't worth your time or you sadness. The one I deal with has about 239423408 girls that he's done it to, and all of them still pine over him, and it gives him the power and the desire to do it more. I can't say "don't let it bother you" because I know, we can't turn off our emotions. But seriously babe, he isn't worth it. He just isn't. "Human beings can't turn off their pain...human beings have to suffer, and cry , and scream, and endure...because they have no choice." We have no choice, but we can move past it. Soon you'll realize that a scumbag is a scumbag, and hurting over them just gives them more reason to be scummy, in their eyes.
Meaplus3 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Oh Meaplus3, have you been there? You know what it's like. You want to kick yourself because you knew it, knew it, knew it. So many things told you so but you denied it. Yes, but in my case the R was ended abruptly by him. I did see a few red flags but at the time because of my feelings I choose to ignore them. I realize now I am probably better off without him. I know this is tough, but you need to move on. If he were worth your time, he would have been honest with you. AP:)
Author softsilkbreeze Posted July 26, 2008 Author Posted July 26, 2008 No D-Lish, we never met. TalkLikeLion, was this the same man? I think so. There's no anger at him, only anger at me for being an idiot. Yes meaplus3, I did the same. Ignored or denied them.
TalkLikeLion Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 No D-Lish, we never met. TalkLikeLion, was this the same man? I think so. There's no anger at him, only anger at me for being an idiot. Yes meaplus3, I did the same. Ignored or denied them. ugh neither of us can PM I wondered that when I read your post initially. And if you're who I think you are, and I'm who you think I am, you NEED to be angry at him. He's lied and cheated on all of us. Still is. I'm sorry for my involvement in it. But I hate myself for trusting him, too. Words cannot describe how terrible I feel at being played a fool. If it's not the same person...then I'm still sorry it happened to you=/
Author softsilkbreeze Posted July 26, 2008 Author Posted July 26, 2008 TalkLikeLion, I'm sorry it happened to you too. It's not the same man unless it's a cosmic coincidence. It might be someone similar. I'm not pining, only kicking myself. It's not possible to want a dream when the reality slaps you across the face.
borelandkaren Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 This is my first thread. We met a couple of years ago, that started with pure magic which turned into a roller coaster ride. The highs were like reaching for the stars, the lows, hell. There's not much more to say beyond once again, I'm a fool. The sociopath strikes again! You're no fool, darl, just a loving, trusting person. Take this as a lesson and move on. Nothing else you can do when one of these monsters comes into your life. A lot of people on this forum have been touched in the same kind of way, by the same type of person. We're here for you. Keep your chin up and look forward, never back.
Author softsilkbreeze Posted July 26, 2008 Author Posted July 26, 2008 Thank-you borelandkaren. Dreams are for idiots like me but then, maybe they're worth something since they gave me some happiness. I won't look back.
borelandkaren Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Thank-you borelandkaren. Dreams are for idiots like me but then, maybe they're worth something since they gave me some happiness. I won't look back. Idiots don't dream. They simply exist. You'd only be an idiot if you'd stayed. You didn't.
borelandkaren Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I think you also need to go onto the abuse forum, under the heading of "What do I do?" and look at redfathoms post, "The Loser." Very insightful.
Author softsilkbreeze Posted July 26, 2008 Author Posted July 26, 2008 There's no debating that logic! I won't go back. I will read that thread. Everyone's been so helpful. Thanks again. I guess it needed to be vented in writing. I can handle it now.
TalkLikeLion Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 TalkLikeLion, I'm sorry it happened to you too. It's not the same man unless it's a cosmic coincidence. It might be someone similar. I'm not pining, only kicking myself. It's not possible to want a dream when the reality slaps you across the face. I don't know, you just reminded me of someone. And cosmic coincidences seem to be happening to me lately at an alarming rate. Regardless, that's such a true statement. And reality gives more of a punch than a slap. =/
Author softsilkbreeze Posted July 26, 2008 Author Posted July 26, 2008 Maybe women like us are all target types for men who are like this. Wish I knew.
sedgwick Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 This exact same thing happened to me a few years ago. Met someone online, he was a writer like I am. I fell in love with his words. He wrote me these amazing emails and was very funny. I truly thought this was the one for me. So we met in person, finally (he lives in San Francisco, I live in NYC), and after a couple of days of amazing sex, I started to see a mean streak in him. He was very good at pretending to be someone he wasn't. He even referred to "the character" he put on in front of other people, as in, "When I leave the house, the character comes out." I saw the red flags, but I ignored them -- after all, I knew who he TRULY was from his emails, right? So I let it slide that he was kind of a jackass in person. Well, long story short, it got worse and worse until finally he said some truly evil things to me and we broke up. I was really messed up over it for a couple of months, and then I began to realize how lucky I was to be rid of him. Now, four years later, I wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole. You really will get over this, I promise. Bunnies to you. :bunny:
Author softsilkbreeze Posted July 26, 2008 Author Posted July 26, 2008 Thank-you sedgewick. He's someone who instead of a heart, has an empty, gaping black hole. I'm not perfect and make mistakes but at least there's a heart and soul. It's my fault for being blind. It won't happen again. Experience learned and earned.
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