jjwest69 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Everybody on this site is talking about nc. IN short- My wife told me she wanted to seperate, she finally gave up on the marriage, I told her to get out and i never wanted to talk to her again, even though i love her and didn,t want this to happen.she is the one who wanted to leave. So i have had no contact with her for about 3 weeks, but it is killing me because i know she would talk to me if i wanted but i know this will not bring her back so the nc is my hope for now. I keep questioning this because what if she is waiting for me to approach her, what if she is alone and has her own problems, she might need help.should I continuewith nc or try and get more answers why she gave up. If it is meant to be will she come back to me?
Curmudgeon Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Everybody on this site is talking about nc. IN short- My wife told me she wanted to seperate, she finally gave up on the marriage, I told her to get out and i never wanted to talk to her again, even though i love her and didn,t want this to happen.she is the one who wanted to leave. So i have had no contact with her for about 3 weeks, but it is killing me because i know she would talk to me if i wanted but i know this will not bring her back so the nc is my hope for now. I keep questioning this because what if she is waiting for me to approach her, what if she is alone and has her own problems, she might need help.should I continuewith nc or try and get more answers why she gave up. If it is meant to be will she come back to me? Actually it's more a case of shooting from the lip than it is shooting yourself in the foot. You love her and didn't want her to go but you told her to get out and you never wanted to talk to her again. Don't you think you might have been better off being honest with her? It could be that's what she was wanting to hear -- some signal from you that you love and value her. Even if it's "meant to be" it isn't going to just happen with no effort whatsoever on your part. Life and people don't work that way. What if she IS waiting for you to approach her. How would you know without asking? Your stubborness and silence are NOT doing you a whole lot of good right now. You don't even know why she wanted to separate and you didn't allow for any communication. If I was you I'd try real hard to mend this fence if it's repairable.
Author jjwest69 Posted July 26, 2008 Author Posted July 26, 2008 Thanks for the reply. Even though i told her to go she wanted to leave me anyway she was just holding on, I tried everything, she really didn't. I thaught been married meant thru good & bad and if we tryed we could work this out. She simply said there was no attraction towards me anymore and i was holding her back, but she has this all wrong we built so much togeather. If she wanted to leave me what good is it if i go chasing her, wont she just say its over and to leave me alone or can i win her back...Is it to late. what can i do ..... I love her so deeply it herts so much she has gone.
Curmudgeon Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I love her so deeply it herts so much she has gone. I know it hurts. So tell her. See what happens. Then move on from there. It will either make a difference to her and the two of you can begin to rebuild (offer couples counseling) or it will mean nothing to her and then it's over and time for you to move ahead on your own. You can't control what she does or how she feels. It's painful but it's also the truth.
SingleDad Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 NC helps to rebuild strength in yourself and maybe "absence makes the heart grow fonder" in her. It is a way for you to cope without the other person... It is also beneficial to avoid talking with Ex when you are either demanding, clingy, depressed, begging, angy, frustrated, or in anguish. If you started NC and want your W back, I would think you could resume communication when you can talk like the person she first fell in love with, with none of the above traits. But if NC goes on to long, I believe is a self fullfilling prophasy - I mean how can there be a relationship where there is no communication ? It is impossible by definition.
PWSX3 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I have said this a few times but I really feel it is the truth. Have you done everything you can do for your marriage? It might be in your best interest to find out why she doesn't love you anymore, find out if she would be welling to go for help such as marriage counseling. The worse thing would be to leave a marriage and not knowing if you had done everything you could even if it was the other persons fault/idea. At least you wouldn't have that "what if" hanging over your head. Something to think about is set down with her in a neutral place & just see what she has to say. The key is to listen to what she has to say & remember something is hurting her. Don't try & prove you are right, there is no right or wrong here, just two people with different opinions. This is something I need to work on A LOT MORE!!!!
Author jjwest69 Posted July 27, 2008 Author Posted July 27, 2008 We did go to marriage counseling for 4 weeks, this seemed to push her further away I thaught the counseler braught out more negatives in the meetings than solutions, my wife could not get passed the past and learn to move on with me a build again, she just gave up. She then went home to the USA to see family and attend her Grandmothers funeral.When she returned it took 2 days, she sat me down and said she wanted to seperate and she was oviously influenced by her family.She said at the funeral she watched her 2 sisters with there other halfs holding each other in emotion and told me that we do not have that.What can i say to this...I was not even there... I so want to see her again and talk, but I'm not sure when to do this, should i call her, email her write a letter, I,m scared she has moved on , If so, so quickly. She has very tough skin, she has had alot of death and misfortune in her life all she knows is to let go and show no feeling, this is what scares me, that she won't let me back in. She just moved on and looking for a new life.How can i help her or can i Not.....???
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I think you should let her go. GAL for you. basically 180. women like that who let negative influences motivate them to make bad decisions arent worth keeping. Sooner or later she'll wake up and contact you. But more often than not people do a pattern in life, be happy you saw what that was and let her go before she could do it again. Let her contact you... stay NC.
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