MusicChick24 Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. Last year he gave me a promise ring. We don't argue alot, but I started seeing a psychologist because I needed to cope with my anger problems. We are alot alike, and that's why I've figured we've gotten along so well for so long. Our families are very close and such. We had always talked openly about getting engaged, moving in together and getting married after we both finished college and got jobs. I've had a job since I was 16 to help my family and pay for my own gas, and he's just now getting a job, his parents have been down his throat alot more than normal lately and I know he's stressed. He's never been with another girl other than me, and his older brother is getting married in two weeks to the first and only girl he ever dated. But in the past month he started questioning things. We opted not to talk about the future anymore, and he started questioning whether or not he really loved me. BUT he still tells me he loves me! He still acts like normal when he's with me. My best friend just got married last year, and she was the first and only girl he had ever been with as well. The wedding has been stressful on all of us, and I think that alot of it is because he started getting into the "I'm next, and I'm not ready" mentality which made him start questioning things. We've talked extensively about it, but nothing I say seems to do any good. We go to the same church, and I talked to our preacher about it and he thinks that its his brothers wedding also. After they are married, and they go on their honeymoon, and come back, it won't be big deal anymore. They will just be married. I told him I didn't want him to feel pressured, and that if that was what I was doing in the past, I was sorry. I still wear his ring, but I'm worried. What do I do? </3 He's never questioned his love for me before. He's never wanted any other girl or anything. We've been perfectly happy all along until this. Do you think it could be the wedding or a phase?
xpaperxcutx Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I think what he's going through is perfectly normal. Everyone of us goes through the stage where we question our existence and purpose, and what life has to offer. It's like a transitional phase, where we try to discover ourselves. Your boyfriend has never been anywhere else except home, and now that he's done with high school ( I'm assuming you guys are in college) the horizon has opened up for him to want to pursue bigger things. It may be best to give me some time and distance for him to figure certain things out, you can't force him to be a certain way when he wants to be another. Like the promise ring for example. It means you guys promise to marry each other. That's sweet in my opinion, but you guys are still young and talking about marriage may have stressed him out. He may see the pressure of marriage as a path that will trap him forever in a certain lifestyle, and perhaps he wants more than that. It's still too early to tell, but try not worry so much about it. Let him have his space.
quankanne Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 sounds like he's feeling pressured to commit himself even more because of the weddings/upcoming weddings. And he's probably thinking, "Oh, now GF is gonna wanna take it to the next step," and he's not ready. PRetty much, a self-induced problem is what's bugging him. pull him aside and gently reassure him that yes, you want him in your life, that you care very much for/about him, but you're nowhere near thinking about marriage/wedding ... you just want to enjoy your sweet lovely boyfriend without any pressure of where the relationship goes, if it goes into wedding phase. that might help him get things cleared in his head, you know?
Author MusicChick24 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 Yeah that's kind of what I was thinking too. Yes we are both in college currently. So much is changing now that is true. But are you saying we should break up and see what happens? Or ride it out and see how he feels in the long run. His actions haven't changed, but I feel bad that he's questioning everything.
Author MusicChick24 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 I did tell him that. I told him that I wasn't aware it bothered him so much when we talked about it, so we stopped talking about it, and I told him that I was in no hurry, because we still had school and work and a million other things to see to right now before that even becomes an option in reality. But he says he worries because he doesn't know how he feels inside, and that's the part that scares me. Because there is no way I can make him realize how he feels. </3:o
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