Scottdmw Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Just thought I'd share this. I had problems for many, many months with angry self-talk. For me it took the form of imaginary conversations with my ex and other people that contributed to our breakup. I would imagine myself saying things to her, debating with her, offering countless arguments for why she had done me wrong and done evil things, etc. This tended to be self-perpetuating--I never really got tired of doing it or came to any conclusion and it always made me feel worse. It was very much like fighting with the ghost of the ex, in my mind, as if she was present. Maybe I did this because she wouldn't actually talk to me. Something that I think _did_ finally help was this: when I found myself angrily arguing with the ex's "ghost" like that, I would reverse the current of what I was saying. I would imagine she was there and say something like, "I forgive you", "It's okay, do whatever you would like", or "I understand why you made that decsion" like I was really addressing her. Rather than pouring my mental energy into trying to force her "ghost" to do something or bring it around to my way of thinking, I acted as if she was really talking to me and said the words I would have said to let her go. Rather than trying arguing in my mind with her to convince her I was right, I just said things along the lines of "okay, do as you will and may you find happiness in it". Anyone else have similar experiences?
Issues & tissues Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Yes and it was just after I had hit the "why?" stage. Initially, I would imagine conversations with the ex where I would be pleading for answers as to why he didn't love me anymore or why he left me. Of course, I never found the answer (and suspect I never will!) and the constant questioning left me feeling drained and totally frustrated. So instead, whenever I found my imagination drifting off in that direcetion, I would just imagine him standing there and I would say with conviction: "It's OK. We are only human. We make mistakes. I love you. I forgive you." And whenever I felt guilty I would just imagine me standing there and saying the same thing to myself. Later, I moved on to imagining telling my ex "I will not give you the power to hurt me anymore." This coincided with me going NC. This technique helped me no end in putting a stop to the endless questions which I did not have the answer to and in keeping NC.
motive2002 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I wish I had some magic advice, but as they say time will dampen these thoughts. Try to work in some positive affirmations in all that noise somewhere. You are all you got. Be good to yourself. Yes I've had all these experiences, and like a burn on your skin, it seemed nothing could allieviate the pain, apart from some distractions to it. Get busy doing stuff. Try to take you mind off it. Easier said than done I know.
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