Fiance expecting too much or me being selfish?

[lexi29]

I'm not sure if I should put this under the dating or getting married section.

 

My fiance and I are getting married in Sept. He has a 9 yr old son. We do not live together, though are in the process of trying to find a house. I stay with him on weekends only. I live about a half hour from him. I rent a room (basically) from a friend who owns her house. I do this because I have pets and not many apartments in my area let you have pets (I cant' find any that are close to where I work) so I have to make some sacrifices. One is that my friend does not like children and does not allow any at her house. So my fiance's son can not stay at my house or even visit for any extended period of time. (if he's there more than 20 minutes she gets upset.)

 

Anyhow, my fiance has known for about 3 months that he had to go away for work for two weeks. They are going to be 2 hours away and he will stay at a hotel provided by the company. Now this is OPTIONAL. His boss knows that most of the guys he has working for him have families and can't be gone for weeks at a time. So he will have other projects locally(working 30-40 hours per week) during the time the rest of them will be 2 hours away. not everyone is going. Actually his boss is hiring some temp service workers to fill the gaps. His boss hasnt' actually told ANYONE all of the specifics but he is working on some million dollar project (but hasnt' been paid yet) there are rumors that they each recieve a $300 bonus for each week they work this job. I think this is false because that would be a lot of money he'd be paying out and he's not even generous with raises! My fiance also said he heard they will receive a stipend of $160 per week for meals. THey also think they will be working 12-15 hour days so lots of overtime. THey will be home on the weekends.

 

Originally he wanted to go do this job because of that $300 a week bonus. He said it would help with some of our wedding costs. So I agreed that I would watch his son for those two weeks (well I said I would try one week and maybe his aunt could take the other week.) I will have to stay at his apartment full time to take care of his son and probably only be able to stop at my place on the way to and from work to feed my pets and stuff) I work about 45 minutes from where my fiance lives. I live 15 minutes from work so it will be a lot more driving, getting up earlier, taking full responsibility for his son while neglecting my own responsibilities (my pets, apartment stuff etc).

 

Now I am actually looking forward to spending ONE week with his son. I think it will help us bond even more and it should be fun. However I just found out that they will probably be there for THREE weeks and that my fiance's parents (who always watch his son while he is at work) have decided that they do not want him to go away for work and they are refusing to watch his son (while I'm at work) the entire time. They say they can not watch him the entire time due to work schedules (but I know they just dont' want him to go) So it is possible that I may have to call off a few days of work (which I really cant' do as we are very busy and I hate taking days off because my work piles up) to stay home and watch his son because his parents (the regular babysitters) won't be able to.

 

My fiance has suggested asking his 18 yr old niece to come over and stay with his son and myself the whole three weeks he is gone so that she can watch his son while I'm at work. She is 18 but doesn't drive and is on SSI for some kind of mental illness (I'm not around her very often but I never she had any type of disorder). I don't know her well at all- I've probably talked to her a total of four times in four years. And I'm really not comfortable possibly having to be responsible for TWO people. Also she smokes which I hate and don't know if she'll try to smoke in the apartment. I do know that her family (she still lives at home) stays up till 3am almost every night so she's used to staying up late. My fiance's apartment has no doors on the bedrooms so even if she stays up watching tv it will keep me awake and I have to get up early for work. so I really don't want her there.

 

My other option is to drop him off at one of his aunt's homes but they all live about 1/2 in the other direction so it would literally take me almost two hours to get to work if I had to do that!!

 

I've explained all this to my fiance and he is upset because he feels since we are getting married that if he left for a few weeks after we were married that I wouldn't want the responsibility of watching his son. Thats not true, if we were already married or living together- it wouldn't be a hassle. Because I'd be watching him in our own home, I wouldn't have to stop somewhere else to take care of my pets (and no, I can't bring them to my fiance's apartment as no pets are allowed) and I'd be used to driving a certain distance to work and wouldn't have to disrupt my whole routine to try to get everything done and get there on time.

 

I am excited about spending ONE week with his son- just the two of us. BUt three is just too much for me. If my fiance had no choice (if he'd miss out on 3 weeks of pay because his boss didn't provide any local work) then I'd understand. But he does have a choice and yes it is POSSIBLE that he may make more money by doing this job (but his boss wont' give them the detail and won't even tell them exactly when they are leaving!) so who knows.

 

Is it selfish of me (considering we are getting married soon) to not want to watch his son for 3 weeks straight by myself. Of is he being unreasonable expecting me to drop everything and do this. If I wasnt in the picture he wouldn't be able to go at all, as his parents have refused to watch his son if he goes, and he cant afford to pay anyone to do it for the entire 3 weeks, and he doesn't want to send him to his mother's because his son hates going there. So am I being selfish? or is he out of line in expecting too much?

[Art_Critic]

Is it selfish of me (considering we are getting married soon) to not want to watch his son for 3 weeks straight by myself. Of is he being unreasonable expecting me to drop everything and do this.

 

Both..

 

You are being selfish.. fer gaud sakes woman.. you are getting married for the rest of your life in less than 60 days and you want to put off responsibility till the very day you get married..

 

and he is being unreasonable expecting you to drop everything..

Even if you were married he should not expect you to drop everything to do this..

 

You should both work it out instead of blaming each other.. how immature..

 

You are becoming that little boys Step Mom.. Act like it..

He needs to show you more respect and ask you to do things instead of expecting them to be so.

 

Communicate with him.. stop blaming and work it out..

[2sunny]

this just goes along with the other threads that you constantly start regarding your trials and tribulations regarding this very twisted triangle. why should you carry more responsibility in the relationship than him? why should you carry the burden of figuring out a solution to all these difficulties when it should be him?

 

why are you consider marrying him? RUN! AWAY! FAST!

 

the mere fact that he is making this child more your concern and responsibility than he is willing to is very concerning.

 

that alone should be enough to make a sane person run.

 

there is constant chaos surrounding this man. are you willing to live this way for the rest of your days?

 

it will always be this way if you marry him. oh yah, you will marry him.... but why?

[2sunny]

Both..

 

You are being selfish.. fer gaud sakes woman.. you are getting married for the rest of your life in less than 60 days and you want to put off responsibility till the very day you get married..

 

and he is being unreasonable expecting you to drop everything..

Even if you were married he should not expect you to drop everything to do this..

 

You should both work it out instead of blaming each other.. how immature..

 

You are becoming that little boys Step Mom.. Act like it..

He needs to show you more respect and ask you to do things instead of expecting them to be so.

 

Communicate with him.. stop blaming and work it out..

 

ahem... not to be disrespectful AC - as in normal circumstances i would view it this way - but the very twisted line always seems to bend in his favor. the favor of letting all the burden fall to her when he should play a more active role as the parent.

 

not healthy.

 

NORMAL circumstances and i would have given different advice such as yours. this is not normal.

[Lauriebell82]

this just goes along with the other threads that you constantly start regarding your trials and tribulations regarding this very twisted triangle. why should you carry more responsibility in the relationship than him? why should you carry the burden of figuring out a solution to all these difficulties when it should be him?

 

why are you consider marrying him? RUN! AWAY! FAST!

 

the mere fact that he is making this child more your concern and responsibility than he is willing to is very concerning.

 

that alone should be enough to make a sane person run.

 

there is constant chaos surrounding this man. are you willing to live this way for the rest of your days?

 

it will always be this way if you marry him. oh yah, you will marry him.... but why?

 

Yeah I'm thinking the same thing. You have posted a lot of threads surrounding the same thing since you have gotten engaged. Lexi are you sure this is want you want? You should be excited about getting married soon, and his son is going to be your STEP SON. He is not your kid, but you are going to assume some responsiblity for him. If you have problems with this now, what is going to be like when you marry him?

 

The bottom line is: Do you really want to spend your life in this type of triangle?

[lexi29]

Well I want to propose a compromise to him. I will offer to watch his son for half the time he is away and he'll have to either only work away from the area for two weeks instead of 3 or he'll have to find someone else to take care of his son the rest of the time. I wouldn't mind picking his son up after work each day (even for three weeks) and watching him but just have him spend the night at his grandparents or somewhere else. Because its basically all the driving and the not being able to be at my own place (to take care of my responsibilities there) that is the biggest hardship.

 

Again, I know we are getting married soon but that would be different as I stated, we don't live together yet and his son is not allowed at my place so it kind of puts me between a rock and a hard place.

 

And sunny, so you are saying that he isn't acting like a good parent? He doesn't want to send his son to his mother's which would be the logical choice because he is miserable being there? So he wants me to watch him because his son enjoys being with me. If it were a choice between sending him to his mother's or going away for work, I do believe he'd choose to stay and work locally.

[Lauriebell82]

Well I want to propose a compromise to him. I will offer to watch his son for half the time he is away and he'll have to either only work away from the area for two weeks instead of 3 or he'll have to find someone else to take care of his son the rest of the time. I wouldn't mind picking his son up after work each day (even for three weeks) and watching him but just have him spend the night at his grandparents or somewhere else. Because its basically all the driving and the not being able to be at my own place (to take care of my responsibilities there) that is the biggest hardship.

 

Again, I know we are getting married soon but that would be different as I stated, we don't live together yet and his son is not allowed at my place so it kind of puts me between a rock and a hard place.

 

And sunny, so you are saying that he isn't acting like a good parent? He doesn't want to send his son to his mother's which would be the logical choice because he is miserable being there? So he wants me to watch him because his son enjoys being with me. If it were a choice between sending him to his mother's or going away for work, I do believe he'd choose to stay and work locally.

 

Why is his son not allowed at your place? Does he realize you are going to live together when you get married and you are going to be alone with him all the time?

[lexi29]

Yeah I'm thinking the same thing. You have posted a lot of threads surrounding the same thing since you have gotten engaged. Lexi are you sure this is want you want? You should be excited about getting married soon, and his son is going to be your STEP SON. He is not your kid, but you are going to assume some responsiblity for him. If you have problems with this now, what is going to be like when you marry him?

 

The bottom line is: Do you really want to spend your life in this type of triangle?

 

 

and as I said, I don't mind watching him for a week. I'm excited about it. If we were living together already, it would be NO problem at all for me to watch him for the entire three weeks. I wouldn't even consider saying no (even if we weren't married yet) Its because its so inconvenient- I have to drive much further to work, possibly might have to call off work several times as his parents don't want him to go so therefore are withholding their help, and I have responsibilities at my own place too that I won't be able to properly attend to for three weeks.

 

I've never dated ANYONE with kids before. This is my only experience so I do ask for other's opinions on situations when they arrise. All of my other relationships I was # in the guy's life and OUR needs came first. (or at least it started out that way as it didn't work out obviously). So it is different now in that I always have to put his son's needs first. And so does he. Which is fine most of the time, but every once in awhile I just need to ask if he is taking advantage of me or if this is just something normal that comes along with being with a man who has a child. I dont have ANY friends who are dating or married to guys with children (that aren't theirs as well) so I come here a lot to ask for advice. I don't ever come here to post about the great times we have together or why I love him and his son so much so it comes off as all we have are drama and problems and thats simply not true.

 

lauriebell, just like you posted this 30-some page topic on your boyfriend and ONE weekend of stress you were having, people were telling you why would you even want to be with this guy because he doesnt' even want you to eat a slice of pizza with him and his friends. But I'm sure that even though you had that rough patch and it worked out (right?) that there are tons of great times you two have together and you love him but because you posted about a problem it might seem like you have a crappy relationship when in reality that's probably not the case. You just don't post about the good things that often. I'm not saying I have a perfect relationship with my fiance, I don't. But there are more good things than bad and my relationship with him is much better than any from my past and there are so many reasons I want to marry him.

[carhill]

Yuk

 

I'd say more but my energy has been expended escaping the impending train wreck...

[2sunny]

Yuk

 

I'd say more but my energy has been expended escaping the impending train wreck...

 

i second that motion!

[lexi29]

Why is his son not allowed at your place? Does he realize you are going to live together when you get married and you are going to be alone with him all the time?

 

 

Oh, its not my fiance who doesnt' allow him there. It's my roommate. she owns the house I live in (sort of a friend of a friend) I've lived there for 3 years. Rent is cheap, she lets me have all my pets and its difficult to find a place that allows pets, plus its close to work. My roommate is in her 30's and she absolutely hates children. She will be the old lady that stands on her porch and waves a broom and yells at passing kids to get off her lawn. She doesnt' even let her own brother's kids at her house. My fiance's son has been there maybe twice with me- just to stop and pick something up. But he's not allowed there for any length of time. Even if my roommate isnt' there. I have to respect her rules as odd as they are.

[2sunny]

this is the child that said to his father as you were passing a house with the gal standing out front "Dad, there's that gal you want to date."

 

this is the child that caused so many problems when you were house hunting with lover boy.

 

this is the child that manipulates and tries to be destructive at every opportunity to your so called relationship with your "fiance."

 

this is a child that has ISSUES! BIG problems that will take a lifetime to fix.

 

this is the child that had his Mom abandon him and is very broken. now when his Mom participates at all - it's rarely a positive influence.

 

this is a child that needs stability, love, a firm hand with compassion attached.

 

this is a child that needs his father. a father that has NOT divided his time and energy amongst other distractions right now (ie YOU and marriage). if work travel is necessary - then that is for his father to figure out - not you.

 

do you want this for the rest of your happy life? better think about this. it won't ever get better - it just becomes more complicated as time goes along.

[carhill]

I know some people whose lives and psyches thrive on drama. It's just how their brain chemistry works. They don't feel alive or fulfilled unless there's a constant feeling of being on edge. They complain about it, but love it and *need* it.

 

I loved someone like this. A very painful experience for me.

 

I see a lot of this person in the OP's writings....

[xpaperxcutx]

Lexi you shouldn't abandon ship just yet. What you need to work on is do you like the kid yourself, or do you have to like the kid because you're marrying the father? It seems you don't feel like a mother to him, and you're about to become his step mom. If you can't love him like your own child then the marriage will never work.

[Art_Critic]

I loved someone like this. A very painful experience for me.

 

Ditto...I look back today and go Whew.. thank Gosh I'm outta there

 

and 2sunny..

I stick by my post..I didn't want or feel it was right to bring other threads into this one..

So I was answering this thread only...

[2sunny]

I know some people whose lives and psyches thrive on drama. It's just how their brain chemistry works. They don't feel alive or fulfilled unless there's a constant feeling of being on edge. They complain about it, but love it and *need* it.

 

I loved someone like this. A very painful experience for me.

 

I see a lot of this person in the OP's writings....

 

i know carhill - been there done that!

 

it's painful to see when it is the familiar way for history.

 

the chaos and constant turmoil is something i used to live every day for MANY years.

 

i let it all go - and life is much more peaceful and tranquil this way.

 

i can't imagine my boundaries now allowing this as my daily living. it's not living at all - it's a constant hell that allowed me to justify self destruction.

 

no more.

[Lauriebell82]

Oh, its not my fiance who doesnt' allow him there. It's my roommate. she owns the house I live in (sort of a friend of a friend) I've lived there for 3 years. Rent is cheap, she lets me have all my pets and its difficult to find a place that allows pets, plus its close to work. My roommate is in her 30's and she absolutely hates children. She will be the old lady that stands on her porch and waves a broom and yells at passing kids to get off her lawn. She doesnt' even let her own brother's kids at her house. My fiance's son has been there maybe twice with me- just to stop and pick something up. But he's not allowed there for any length of time. Even if my roommate isnt' there. I have to respect her rules as odd as they are.

 

Ohh okay I understand now. Honestly I wasn't trying to be mean or put you down. I do know where you are coming from with the thread posting. So I'm sorry if you felt attacked.

 

Anyway, you did bring up a good point that your relationship isn't perfect and you are working through it, so that is good. So anyway I think that maybe you are both somewhat in the wrong here..as it usually is. Therefore you need to find some way of compromising in order to be okay with the situation.

 

Have you talked about a fair compromise that may suit you both? Have you communicated your feelings to him in a non-threatening type of a way.

 

Believe me, I am in no way trying to tell you not to marry this man. It is a good idea however, to learn how to compromise and communication prior to marrying someone. Especially someone with a child.

[lexi29]

Lexi you shouldn't abandon ship just yet. What you need to work on is do you like the kid yourself, or do you have to like the kid because you're marrying the father? It seems you don't feel like a mother to him, and you're about to become his step mom. If you can't love him like your own child then the marriage will never work.

 

 

I'm not sure where you got the idea that I don't like him?? I more than like this child. I love him and truly treat him as though he is related to me. I am not his mother, though I wish I was! Anyone who knows my fiance has always said that I treat his son better than anyone he's ever dated (and he's dated women with children of their own!). Ever since we began dating I've always put his son's needs first. And obviously his son cares for me too ( and he woudn't if he felt I treated him badly). his son is VERY excited that I'll be his step mom. I always take him places, help him with his homework, play games with him, I buy him school clothes (because his mother doesnt' pay child support and sometimes my fiance can't afford it) and tons of other stuff. I do more for him in a year than his own mother has done in his life time. He is a great kid and I love him but I do have other responsibilities and the way these 3 weeks are set up (it would be like I'm basically a single mother because I would have NO other help watching him and even my fiance has more help than that) it would just cause me to neglect my other responsibilities (work and pets). Its not like I don't want to watch him because I want to hang out at a bar with friends or something.

 

I'm not bothered that I have to watch him for awhile (like its a huge nuisance because I can't stand him or something:D) its just I don't know what is NORMAL in a situation like this (when you aren't married, don't live together). Again, I dont have any friends who are dating or married with step children so I have no point of reference.

 

I felt that my fiance was asking too much of me at this point because he's esentially asking me to totally disrupt my own life for 3 weeks(when I agreed to one) for his convenience. And I wasn't sure if that was a rational way of thinking about the situation or if I was just being selfish. I am a people pleaser so it takes a lot for me to not agree to do something!

 

what I want to suggest to my fiance is that I will watch him for one week (as promised already) and see how that goes and if it isn't too stressful I'll do a 2nd week but he' d have to find someone else to keep him overnight for the 3rd week or he can just stay home and work instead.

[2sunny]

ok then - just do one week. let him figure out the rest of the remaining two weeks... he's the Dad.

[lexi29]

Ohh okay I understand now. Honestly I wasn't trying to be mean or put you down. I do know where you are coming from with the thread posting. So I'm sorry if you felt attacked.

 

Anyway, you did bring up a good point that your relationship isn't perfect and you are working through it, so that is good. So anyway I think that maybe you are both somewhat in the wrong here..as it usually is. Therefore you need to find some way of compromising in order to be okay with the situation.

 

Have you talked about a fair compromise that may suit you both? Have you communicated your feelings to him in a non-threatening type of a way.

 

Believe me, I am in no way trying to tell you not to marry this man. It is a good idea however, to learn how to compromise and communication prior to marrying someone. Especially someone with a child.

 

 

I didn't feel attacked by you and didn't mean to come off that way:)

 

I have not tried to compromise with him yet because I thought our plans were already arranged (I agreed to watch him for a week because I thought that is all the longer he would be gone). He had said before that he would probably see if his aunt could watch him (she lives a few hours away but he loves to visit her) for a week if he had to work a 2nd week. Last night is when he found out that he will probably be away for three weeks and he just said he thought I would watch him for all three of those weeks because he didn't see what the big deal was since we are getting married. He doesn't see it as an inconvenience to me because it is something I will have to do after we are married anyway. I also just found out about his parents refusing to help because they don't want him going. I didn't really talk to him about it because if something upsets me I like to take a day before I respond to it so i have time to think about the situation. Sometimes, the next day whatever was bothering me, doesn't bother me anymore as I wake up with a new perspective.

 

I had talked to my mom and sister about it and they have differing opinions, My sister, who is married, thinks I should just do it. My mom thinks it is ridiculous for him to expect me to watch the child for the entire three weeks. So thats why I asked for advice on here. Just for some more opinions.

 

I plan to talk to him tonight about a compromise. I just wanted some other opinions before I did so.

[xpaperxcutx]

I'm not sure where you got the idea that I don't like him?? I more than like this child. I love him and truly treat him as though he is related to me. I am not his mother, though I wish I was! Anyone who knows my fiance has always said that I treat his son better than anyone he's ever dated (and he's dated women with children of their own!). Ever since we began dating I've always put his son's needs first. And obviously his son cares for me too ( and he woudn't if he felt I treated him badly). his son is VERY excited that I'll be his step mom. I always take him places, help him with his homework, play games with him, I buy him school clothes (because his mother doesnt' pay child support and sometimes my fiance can't afford it) and tons of other stuff. I do more for him in a year than his own mother has done in his life time. He is a great kid and I love him but I do have other responsibilities and the way these 3 weeks are set up (it would be like I'm basically a single mother because I would have NO other help watching him and even my fiance has more help than that) it would just cause me to neglect my other responsibilities (work and pets). Its not like I don't want to watch him because I want to hang out at a bar with friends or something.

 

I'm not bothered that I have to watch him for awhile (like its a huge nuisance because I can't stand him or something:D) its just I don't know what is NORMAL in a situation like this (when you aren't married, don't live together). Again, I dont have any friends who are dating or married with step children so I have no point of reference.

 

I felt that my fiance was asking too much of me at this point because he's esentially asking me to totally disrupt my own life for 3 weeks(when I agreed to one) for his convenience. And I wasn't sure if that was a rational way of thinking about the situation or if I was just being selfish. I am a people pleaser so it takes a lot for me to not agree to do something!

 

what I want to suggest to my fiance is that I will watch him for one week (as promised already) and see how that goes and if it isn't too stressful I'll do a 2nd week but he' d have to find someone else to keep him overnight for the 3rd week or he can just stay home and work instead.

 

Oh okay sorry... i misread your post then. but if you're having these kinds of problems now, imagine when you guys are married. Yes maybe it's impossible for you to watch the child 24/7 for 3 weeks, especially since you have a job, but you have to realize that once you're married, the child is basically your half of the responsibilty. And you have to learn to balance being a working mom. Money doesn't seem like a problem except for finding a house and the wedding, but do you guys think you can spare a few dollars for a baby sitter? After all if he's going away during that time and working over time for the $300 bonus, it shouldn't be that hard to take out a few dollars to pay for one. Or look into a cheap day care center ?

[lexi29]

I know some people whose lives and psyches thrive on drama. It's just how their brain chemistry works. They don't feel alive or fulfilled unless there's a constant feeling of being on edge. They complain about it, but love it and *need* it.

 

I loved someone like this. A very painful experience for me.

 

I see a lot of this person in the OP's writings....

 

 

That really scares me Carhill! I don't want to be like that. I hate drama. I hate feeling on edge (thats why I post so much about problems on here or call my mom or friends when I'm upset about something) because I want to know if my reaction to a situation is normal or not. I grew up watching my mom put up with a lot of crap. So I ended up being a people pleaser who doesn't want to take any crap from anyone. Weird combination I know. So I'm torn between wanting to make people happy while trying not to let anyone use me. So sometimes I over react to situations when I think someone is trying to take advantage of me.

 

I like to think that I hate the feeling of being on edge and truly do whatever I can to avoid conflict. A lot of times I won't speak up when something is bothering me (at work, in relationships) because I don't want to rock the boat. But its scary that maybe this really is me- It's just how their brain chemistry works. They don't feel alive or fulfilled unless there's a constant feeling of being on edge. They complain about it, but love it and *need* it.

[lexi29]

Oh okay sorry... i misread your post then. but if you're having these kinds of problems now, imagine when you guys are married. Yes maybe it's impossible for you to watch the child 24/7 for 3 weeks, especially since you have a job, but you have to realize that once you're married, the child is basically your half of the responsibilty. And you have to learn to balance being a working mom. Money doesn't seem like a problem except for finding a house and the wedding, but do you guys think you can spare a few dollars for a baby sitter? After all if he's going away during that time and working over time for the $300 bonus, it shouldn't be that hard to take out a few dollars to pay for one. Or look into a cheap day care center ?

 

 

no need to appologize, I was just trying to clarify the relationship with him. (son). The only difference when we are married is that his son and I will live in the same place (so all his stuff will be there as well as mine) and my pets will be there all of that makes a big difference. If I could take him to my place for the three weeks that would make it so much easier!! or if I could bring my pets to my fiance's apartment, then I'd just pack a bag for a few weeks and not have to worry about stopping at my place at all. So that would be much easier as well. Also his parents are sort of boycotting him going out of town by trying to make it harder on him to do so (by refusing to watch his son every day like that normally do (while we are at work) So that would be different then. He has proposed an alternative (paying his 18 yr old niece to come over to his place and watch his son during the day while I'm at work. But I don't like that idea because she doesn't drive so I'd have the additional responsibility of driving her back and forth (she lives about 20 minutes away) or she'd have to live there with us for hte three weeks and she isn't very self sufficient so I'd basicaly have two kids to be responsible for. Also she and I have very different lifestyles and I would be a little uncomfortable having her around all the time (she doesn't work)

 

So while he has an idea, it isn't one that I"m comfortable with.

 

If he's going to pay for daycare he might as well just stay home and work locally because the $300 bonus isn't a given, its a rumor and daycare is pretty expensive. (would be about $70 a day) for 15 days.

 

and yes i know he will be half my responsibility but I feel right now my fiance is trying to make him ALL my responsibility by asking me to be totally responsible for taking care of him for the entire 3 weeks. I'm just going to try to compromise on one week.

[serialgf]

lexi stated in her original post that the woman who owns the house she is renting a room in doesn't like kids and doesn't want any children there for more than 20 minutes.... its not her fiance's decision

 

 

lexi - this is a really tough situation you're being put in. it sounds like you really need to talk to your hubby-to-be in order to work out a compromise. i know this is far-fetched and its probably too late to do this but it would be cool if he sent his son away to camp for those couple of weeks - fun for the kid and no added stress for you! just a fleeting thought...

 

best of luck & love to you!

 

-sgf

[serialgf]

woops my response was way to late