Megolicious Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 As I posted in another thread, my LDR boyfriend and I of six months started having difficulties. I sensed the change that was coming and I even brought it to his attention a few times, but he seemed to always shrug it off and then we would be fine that day. We'd talk all day and laugh, but then the next day things went back to where I felt like I didn't even exist to him because he never called and barely even text me. This all started when he asked me back out the second time. We were almost dating for five months when he decided that he couldn't handle the two hour distance between us and he couldn't afford the gas money even though I always helped him out with money. He was doing great when he was only working as a Part Time person. Then when he got hired Full Time all of a sudden he was having more money issues and couldn't see me once every week. So he broke up with me. Three weeks later he asked me back out on the Fourth of July when he came down to visit me, and it was the happiest day of my life. After that things didn't go back to normal. Before he broke up with me we used to talk to each other for hours. He'd leave me amazing voice mails in the morning for me to wake up to. Then he'd call me when he got off of work. Then I'd call him on my way to work and then when I got off of work. Then later on that night we'd talk for hours on end. But this time, we didn't even have phone conversations. And when we did they didn't last for hours. He barely even sent me texts either. He stopped telling me he loved me like he used to do all the time. He would only tell me that he loved me too when I said it to him. He just started acting like he didn't appreciate me anymore. I felt like he was pushing me away from him. So last night I finally told him that I thought we should have a serious conversation and that we could either do it by phone or by texting. I guess he chose texting because he didn't call me. Instead he asked me what it was about. So I told him that I seriously felt like our relationship has changed so much from six months ago, and how I felt like he was pushing me away from him. He told me that he didn't know what to say to that. So I asked him if he even cared. He said that he did, but he didn't see his self changing and if he was making me unhappy that maybe we weren't working out anymore. So I told him that he was changing. I told him about all the phone conversations we used to have, about how he barely told me he loved me anymore. He finally admitted how he did notice we were slowly changing and that he didnt do anything about it, but he wasn;t sure why. He said it was probably because he knew he was going to be gone soon since he's planning on joining the Coast Guard and that maybe I was right, we wouldn't last together. The thing is. I never told him we wouldn't last together. I told him that I would be here for him, but I didn't think he'd be there for me because he wouldn't have been able to handle the distance, but he swore he could, until now. I asked him why he even bothered asking me back out and he said it was because when he saw me all his feelings for me came rushing back which clouded his judgment of his capability of dealing with long distance. So I told him that he had two choices. To either try to pull through this and we could talk more and he could prove to me that he wanted me in his life or it ended forever because I can't handle another heart break from him. He chose to end it since he didn't want to cause me anymore pain. I asked him if he seriously didn't want to try to change and make it better. He said he did, but if it didn't work this time what would make him change a third time. I told him that he could change if he wanted to but since he didn't he just proved to me that he didn't love me and that I wasn't worth it to him. He said that it wasn't true, that I was the only girl he has ever loved, and the only amazing relationship he has ever been in, but whatever he said he knew I wouldn't believe and he apologized to me. I told him that he was right. I didn't believe him anymore because I compromised so much for him and I probably would have ended up compromising my whole life to be with him, but he couldn't do one small change for me. That just proves everything to me.. So right now. I'm sitting here crying my eyes out because I miss him and I love him so much. I don't know what to do. Its going to be so hard to move on from him. I basically put everything into him and I have never done that with any of my other relationships. I just feel so lost without him right now. I don't even know if he cares or how he feels. I'm not even going to bother texting him. I guess I just need to wait and see if he tries to talk to me ever again. Which if he doesn't, thats going to kill me also..
JustinWolf Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Awww, don't worry life goes on. You have to be strong and I know telling you that you will eventually get past the hurt seems impossible right now but trust me a lot of people here will tell you the same. With time, lots of things heal, like hearts. Just give yourself some time. Go out and enjoy yourself. The more you will concentrate on YOUR happiness the more the pain will fade away. It takes time but it does go away.
tealeafbud Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Thanks for sharing your story Mego. May I call you Mego? if not, let me know. I know how you are feeling. A lot of people on this board know how you are feeling. Just know that we are all here to support each other, whatever our circumstances. We'll be here to vent at. we'll be here to answer some of you questions. We'll be here to listen to your story. We'll be here to discuss resolve and calls to action. We'll be here. I hope you use the Loveshack forum to it's fullest extent. Take care, and be strong.
mma_j Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Hey Mego, You are a very brave and awesome person. I know you deserve so much better than this. It hurts rite now and it's normal to cry and feel pain. You can pull through. The good news is that you now have a starting point in which to heal from. Not knowing the answer makes the rebuild that much more difficult. I know you will get what you want. Just keep using this forum as a venting ground!
Author Megolicious Posted July 27, 2008 Author Posted July 27, 2008 Calling me Mego is perfectly fine. =) After crying for two days I'm doing so much better. My friends have been keeping me extremely busy with sleepovers and all that other girly stuff. Thank you for everyone's concern. I do have a question though. Should I contact him any time to see how he is doing? Or should I just wait and see if he decides to ever contact me again? It just hurts to know that he didn't even fight for me to stay when I told him that we shouldn't be together anymore instead he just went along with it and didn't even contribute much effort =/
iwanttolive Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Hi Mego, My friend experienced similar situation.. Her ex was going overseas to work and broke it off with her cos he did not want to be weighed down by the LDR. But I think he's being selfish and irresponsible. He wanted to start a new life, a whole new career and just cast aside my friend without caring for her feeling. Mego, you want someone who love and appreciate you wholly. Don't settle for anything less. Differences are inevitable but some things can't be compromised. I don't think you should call him. He gotta know you're not someone at his disposal. You're a great person whom he should treasure.
mma_j Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Calling me Mego is perfectly fine. =) After crying for two days I'm doing so much better. My friends have been keeping me extremely busy with sleepovers and all that other girly stuff. Thank you for everyone's concern. I do have a question though. Should I contact him any time to see how he is doing? Or should I just wait and see if he decides to ever contact me again? It just hurts to know that he didn't even fight for me to stay when I told him that we shouldn't be together anymore instead he just went along with it and didn't even contribute much effort =/ No, don't call him. Post here! Your friends are going to be the ones that get you through this.
Author Megolicious Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 Thats exactly what I feel he did to me. Just cast me aside without even looking back. It hurts so much because I put so much effort into our relationship. I feel like I gave him half of me and sometimes I feel like I'm never going to get myself back because he still has me. He told me he wanted to be with me forever and that he wanted to marry me, but I guess everything he ever said to me was all lies. He said he wanted to get the job at the Coast Guard so that he would have great pay to help support "our" family. Wow, now that I think about it, he told me so many things, and they were all just lies. I can't believe how much trust I put into him. I have never put so much into a relationship before. I feel like Im never going to be able to fall in love again or trust another guy again =/
Author Megolicious Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 Also, I did decide not to call him. I think it would make it easier for me to move on from him if I just let him out of my life forever. Once again thanks for the advice =)
tealeafbud Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Also, I did decide not to call him. I think it would make it easier for me to move on from him if I just let him out of my life forever. Once again thanks for the advice =) Mego, congratulations on not calling him. You are very very strong. Trust me. I have been struggling with not being in contact with my ex and have spoken with her, and it just is NOT worth it. It might temporarily feel comforting, but it will just set you back. Please please please believe me on this. You need to move on with your life. We both do. I'm with you on this one. Stay strong.
Author Megolicious Posted July 29, 2008 Author Posted July 29, 2008 Thanks tea =) I'm really trying to stay strong and hang in there and not let the break up take over the rest of my summer by being depressed. I think I'm going to try to look on the brighter side of things like not being held down and being able to do whatever I would like now without having to feel bad. We can both stay strong and not let our exes feel like the have power over us by always trying to contact them. I believe that if he still wants to be friends or even if he still has feelings for me or loves me as much as he said he did then he should be the first one to do the contacting. Although sometimes I wish he would, there are times where I'm hoping he doesn't because I really want to move on from all of this and i know if he contacts me I'd be trying to get back with him or I'd be depressed =/
Recommended Posts