stampdaddy Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I have been here for a while now, 8 plus months, and lately, especially this week, I am figuring out that I am nothing more than the rest of these stories out there of OM/OW that simply just become an "affair". I NEVER would have believed it, and while yes, there are a couple of stories out there that gave me hope, they are so rare.. And maybe it is like I read once, that IF things worked out for me, and she showed up at my door, I would be too busy to post... But then I think, WHY would I not let my peers here on LS know that it can work out?? God knows there are enough of us that need hope. BUT, there just doesnt seem to be much of that around here... (no offense LS). She called this morning, just because she senses she is losing me, but is just the same 'ol sh*t.. "have you talked to him? NO" Lately on LS there have been a couple other OM that are in the same boat, and there is a BS H too that have given me some clarity, and that clarity sucks.. I AM AN AFFAIR, nothing more, nothing less...
Lizzie60 Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I have been here for a while now, 8 plus months, and lately, especially this week, I am figuring out that I am nothing more than the rest of these stories out there of OM/OW that simply just become an "affair". I NEVER would have believed it, and while yes, there are a couple of stories out there that gave me hope, they are so rare.. And maybe it is like I read once, that IF things worked out for me, and she showed up at my door, I would be too busy to post... But then I think, WHY would I not let my peers here on LS know that it can work out?? God knows there are enough of us that need hope. BUT, there just doesnt seem to be much of that around here... (no offense LS). She called this morning, just because she senses she is losing me, but is just the same 'ol sh*t.. "have you talked to him? NO" Lately on LS there have been a couple other OM that are in the same boat, and there is a BS H too that have given me some clarity, and that clarity sucks.. I AM AN AFFAIR, nothing more, nothing less... Well if an A is not for you, you need to end it.. simple. It is what's best for some people.. like me for example..
Owl Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I told you so... :) I'm soooo sorry SD. I just could NOT resist!!!! You know I'm just giving you a rough time, my friend...and hope it can at least generate a moment of laughter for you. Set your personal boundaries, my friend. Every call she makes like this is just a continuation of that affair. That's why I've pushed and pushed for you to take active steps to remove her from your life, and to make contact difficult between the two of you. She's playing the same game that every other CS we've seen on here does. The difference is...now you're seeing the situation with eyes that are a little more open...and you're seeing how NOT unique the situation really is. Its a heart-wrenching realization, I'm sure. But its one you needed to make in order for you to start taking the next steps in healing yourself.
Lookingforward Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I have been here for a while now, 8 plus months, and lately, especially this week, I am figuring out that I am nothing more than the rest of these stories out there of OM/OW that simply just become an "affair". I NEVER would have believed it, and while yes, there are a couple of stories out there that gave me hope, they are so rare.. And maybe it is like I read once, that IF things worked out for me, and she showed up at my door, I would be too busy to post... But then I think, WHY would I not let my peers here on LS know that it can work out?? God knows there are enough of us that need hope. BUT, there just doesnt seem to be much of that around here... (no offense LS). She called this morning, just because she senses she is losing me, but is just the same 'ol sh*t.. "have you talked to him? NO" Lately on LS there have been a couple other OM that are in the same boat, and there is a BS H too that have given me some clarity, and that clarity sucks.. I AM AN AFFAIR, nothing more, nothing less... SD , you have to remember that it wasn't us, it was THEM - IF they had kept their promises what we had would not be Affairs, but just life moving on as any relationship does. The lack of courage is theirs, not ours. There will always be someone in this forum to do the neener neener bit, that doesn't change what's in our hearts.
Author stampdaddy Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 SD , you have to remember that it wasn't us, it was THEM - IF they had kept their promises what we had would not be Affairs, but just life moving on as any relationship does. The lack of courage is theirs, not ours. There will always be someone in this forum to do the neener neener bit, that doesn't change what's in our hearts. Yeah, Curly, my brother, is always saying, "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk... You're a victim of soicumstance!
Owl Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 So...when are you going to actually go NC? Seriously...I'm asking this because I don't see you truly 'moving on' and healing until you do.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Self respect Stamp... Stop making excuses for her and you... Why hasnt your number changed, why havent you stayed NC? Why do you want a woman who cheats on her husband and will have no quarells about doing it to you. Hate to say I told u so. You deserve better for yourself.
Lizzie60 Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Self respect Stamp... Stop making excuses for her and you... Why hasnt your number changed, why havent you stayed NC? Why do you want a woman who cheats on her husband and will have no quarells about doing it to you. Hate to say I told u so. You deserve better for yourself. hahaha.. you know what they say CB.. 'the best are taken'...so he's already got the best..
Author stampdaddy Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 I would be a liar if I said there wasnt an ounce of "hope" left.. But that is about it, an ounce. I seem to be further along than I ever thought I would be, and definately reading some of these new posts have been a help, and F*** it, so what, I AM just like everybody else.. My R with her was just like all of the other flippin train wrecks I see around here. This morning, when she called, I didnt know it was here (I got a new phone and her pic didnt pop up and I was asleep), but I asked, "what in the hell do you want? Why are you calling me? OH, let me guess.. You miss me, you need me, you want me.. Well, F you, you COULD HAVE had me, but you chose door # 2 instead" I dont even feel like wasting any more time being upset about "what I lost" and poor little me, she was..... SHE WAS AN AFFAIR
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Yeah the best... hmmm really? I didnt know women who could lie to two men at the same time while sleeping with both was what you considered to be the best. She doesnt want him truly, she just wants him on her timetable for her own twsited ego boost. Hey stamp now you see what we're always pointing out and talking bout? Doesnt it annoy you, make you feel worthless? You should want more for yourself. Get a new number and bar her from your email. She sounds like a idiot
Author stampdaddy Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 Yeah the best... hmmm really? I didnt know women who could lie to two men at the same time while sleeping with both was what you considered to be the best. She doesnt want him truly, she just wants him on her timetable for her own twsited ego boost. Hey stamp now you see what we're always pointing out and talking bout? Doesnt it annoy you, make you feel worthless? You should want more for yourself. Get a new number and bar her from your email. She sounds like a idiot I dont feel "worthless", that would mean she wins.. She is the one that still has to "deal" with everything, because what I DO see here on LS is that she WILL end up divorced from him.. IT WILL HAPPEN, but what, next year, the average of 3-4 years that I see?? I can move on I was talking to a friend (neighbor) the other day about "plopping".. Just coming home, grabbing a glass of wine and plopping down on the couch to watch a movie.. Plopping in a porch chair and relaxing.. Plopping in the back yard and grilling a steak... I DO NOT DO THAT ANYMORE. I have been a prisoner in my own life because of this bullcrap.
Tate Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I was talking to a friend (neighbor) the other day about "plopping".. Just coming home, grabbing a glass of wine and plopping down on the couch to watch a movie.. Plopping in a porch chair and relaxing.. Plopping in the back yard and grilling a steak... I DO NOT DO THAT ANYMORE. I have been a prisoner in my own life because of this bullcrap. I know I'm on the other side of the fence than you with our situations but you are dead on with what you said on this. There is never a moment of relaxation or "plopping" as you put it... never. I think I have forgotten what it's like to just actually relax and not worry... about something. It's just another example to me as to why a decision should be made... the sooner the better I suppose.
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I'm not going to say I told you so... I was talking to a friend (neighbor) the other day about "plopping".. Just coming home, grabbing a glass of wine and plopping down on the couch to watch a movie.. Plopping in a porch chair and relaxing.. Plopping in the back yard and grilling a steak... I DO NOT DO THAT ANYMORE. I have been a prisoner in my own life because of this bullcrap. So, start doing just that. Grab a glass of wine, sit back and enjoy an evening to yourself. That's the thing about the A, you lost "you" in all this and now is the time to get "you" back. It's OK to miss her, to feel sad, to grieve the loss of having her in your life, but celebrate the fact that you are off that rollercoaster ride, having to put up with all the little things (and big things) that made you feel neglected, leftout and hurt.
ioncebelieved Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I have been here for a while now, 8 plus months, and lately, especially this week, I am figuring out that I am nothing more than the rest of these stories out there of OM/OW that simply just become an "affair". I NEVER would have believed it, and while yes, there are a couple of stories out there that gave me hope, they are so rare.. And maybe it is like I read once, that IF things worked out for me, and she showed up at my door, I would be too busy to post... But then I think, WHY would I not let my peers here on LS know that it can work out?? God knows there are enough of us that need hope. BUT, there just doesnt seem to be much of that around here... (no offense LS). She called this morning, just because she senses she is losing me, but is just the same 'ol sh*t.. "have you talked to him? NO" Lately on LS there have been a couple other OM that are in the same boat, and there is a BS H too that have given me some clarity, and that clarity sucks.. I AM AN AFFAIR, nothing more, nothing less... That is what I feel like now!! I was an affair that turned into a relationship!! You get next to nothing from it too!!! After your heart settles you start feeling bad about it. I do not know about you, but I was lied to early on in mine. Said she was unhappy and getting a divorce.
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 This morning, when she called, I didnt know it was here (I got a new phone and her pic didnt pop up and I was asleep), but I asked, "what in the hell do you want? Why are you calling me? OH, let me guess.. You miss me, you need me, you want me.. Well, F you, you COULD HAVE had me, but you chose door # 2 instead Instead of saying that to her, (which only fuels her fire) maybe take step back and IF she calls again, TELL her "You and I are in NC mode, YOU are not respecting that. I've asked you NOT to call, email or see me, yet you keep on doing just that! Don't call me again. You know why too, so respect MY choice which again is Don't Call!" Then hang up.
pollywag Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 There will always be someone in this forum to do the neener neener bit I told you so... :) I'm soooo sorry SD. I just could NOT resist!!!! Let's hope some day the "I told you so" posee never have to come back here to eat a portion of humble pie themselves" I remember the first time I ever heard that expression it was Sister Hertrudis telling Sister Doris to shut her pie hole....oh wait no that was something else...never mind. Stampdaddy I am really sorry it didn't work out for you. It takes a lot of guts to say what you are saying and no one really knows how your story will end espcially this early on. Are you sure she is not going to be working things out on her end?
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Let's hope some day the "I told you so" posee never have to come back here to eat a portion of humble pie themselves" I remember the first time I ever heard that expression it was Sister Hertrudis telling Sister Doris to shut her pie hole....oh wait no that was something else...never mind. You seem to have left out this part of OWL's reply.. You know I'm just giving you a rough time, my friend...and hope it can at least generate a moment of laughter for you. Set your personal boundaries, my friend. Every call she makes like this is just a continuation of that affair. OWL and stampdaddy have a good thing going on, there's no malciousness going on at all. OWL was joking around and I'm pretty sure stamps knows this as well.
Owl Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Polly...I've been posting to SD since the day he first came here. He certainly knows where I'm coming from in my posts to him. I've not one bit of doubt that he took my response to him as it was intended...as an attempt to lighten his mood and give him a bit of humor. He knows fully well that I've been posting and hoping for the day he comes to LS and is actually recovered from all that he's gone through. If that humble pie arrives, I'll take my alloted bite...and revel in it. Until then...and even after then...I'll keep a'right on a'postin.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I once was with a married woman. But, only once. Once I found out that she was married, my self-respect, my respect for others (in this case it would be that husband), my respect for the bonds of marriage (the same holds true if a woman was already involved), and the golden rule I live by (do on to others as you would have them do unto you. With that in mind, I would agree that the "I told you so" people are correct. Now my suggestion to you would be to go after women who are not married or in a relationship. It should not matter what stage or problems they are going through. Let them resolve those issues, get a divorce or breakup with their partner, AND then go after them. There are plenty of single men and women out there looking for single men and women to love and to be loved by. Look, it does not take a special degree to know that a man or woman who is willing to let hurt and pain from one person to suck another into the situation (which is what they are doing) is not looking after your best interest or FULL care about you. They can say the love you all they want, but this IS NOT LOVE. This is why most relationships based on a affair or cheating end in failure, the affections were planted and cultivated wrongly. So, these people are NOT good people. Now if you have no care if the shoes were on your feet or that you don't care if your SO or spouse have outside relations. Then at least give the partner of the involved person the respect that they may not have the same feelings as you as to open relationships. DNR
Woggle Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I hate to be mean but you should have known not to trust her or put any faith in her. Take this as a lesson learned.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I dont feel "worthless", that would mean she wins.. She is the one that still has to "deal" with everything, because what I DO see here on LS is that she WILL end up divorced from him.. IT WILL HAPPEN, but what, next year, the average of 3-4 years that I see?? I can move on I was talking to a friend (neighbor) the other day about "plopping".. Just coming home, grabbing a glass of wine and plopping down on the couch to watch a movie.. Plopping in a porch chair and relaxing.. Plopping in the back yard and grilling a steak... I DO NOT DO THAT ANYMORE. I have been a prisoner in my own life because of this bullcrap. Does it matter who wins or loses in the end? Does it truly matter the more power you invest into it, the more you keep it going. Period. NC means NC if they call that does not mean to tell them to leave you alone. That means to not answer the phone , do not reply, do not email back. NC means going cold turkey!!! that's what NC means. Dont you understand for as long as she knows you will respond she will always call you for that ego boost!!! Dont you know that!!!??? You say youve been a prisoner? You've made this situation! only you can unmake it as well!!! You can stop it. Dont give me that crap likeshe keeps calling you, you subconciously or willingly keep the door open. Close it forever. Dont contact, dont reply, disappear!!! No more excuses. You want out, then disappear, you owe her nothing, move on with your life. You are a prisoner in a prison of the mind... -Morpheus to Neo. The Matrix.
White Flower Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I dont feel "worthless", that would mean she wins.. She is the one that still has to "deal" with everything, because what I DO see here on LS is that she WILL end up divorced from him.. IT WILL HAPPEN, but what, next year, the average of 3-4 years that I see?? I can move on I was talking to a friend (neighbor) the other day about "plopping".. Just coming home, grabbing a glass of wine and plopping down on the couch to watch a movie.. Plopping in a porch chair and relaxing.. Plopping in the back yard and grilling a steak... I DO NOT DO THAT ANYMORE. I have been a prisoner in my own life because of this bullcrap. I know exactly how you feel. It is like your life is on hold. You would do these things if she were with you, but you don't dare while she is away (and having a wonderful time with H and kids, BTW) because in your authenticy, you put off those moments of joy in wait for her. Your love for her was real, your joy with her sincere, and you don't allow yourself those pleasures unless you are with the one you love. It sucks, and I'm glad you're finally seeing that. Now you can move on and find someone who is just as authentic in loving as you are. Keep up the self-realization.
White Flower Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 PS. Why do we have to run into pretenders? They pretend everything is great at home but they find their true joy outside. Then they forsake what is outside. Damn!
bentnotbroken Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 PS. Why do we have to run into pretenders? They pretend everything is great at home but they find their true joy outside. Then they forsake what is outside. Damn! WF, they aren't pretenders, they are liars. They aren't sincere with their spouses, the op or themselves. That is so different than pretending. It is a lack of something, that makes it easy to hurt all involved. And as long as they get what they need they are content to maintain the status quo.
Author stampdaddy Posted July 26, 2008 Author Posted July 26, 2008 I don't know what they should be called or me either.. All I know is I BELIEVED... now what?
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