paddy1971 Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Apologies in advance for the length of this post. I started going out with a girl in April and for the first six weeks everything was amazing. We discovered that we had a lot in common and she said she couldn't believe that she had met someone like me, that she adored me and hoped that I wasn't going to break her heart. I even met her best friends and her mother and she was very keen to meet my friends and family. In January, she had a major operation that will take her about a year to recover from fully. Due to this, her work were giving her grief and she was feeling a bit down. I didn't see or speak to her for 3 weeks but stayed i contact a bit via text. I then saw her a couple of times within a week at the beginning of June and thought all was well again - she said to me "thanks for being there". I then didn't speak to her for another 4 weeks, although we kept in touch through text. During the first week of this period I helped her with a decision about her job and she decided to accept voluntary redundancy and take a new job. She sent a text to thank me for the advice that I had given and that I meant the world to her. We were going to meet up during the second week but she didn't feel too well so we didn't. I then didn't here from her for a week. I had sent a text and called her once during that week, but didn't get a reply. I was a bit worried about her health and sent her a text saying so and she replied saying that she had really bad gastric flu and she was sorry to have worried me. She said she'd call me the next day but she didn't. We then texted on and off for the next couple of weeks - she told me that she had gone home to her dad's to rest, but I went around to her place to drop a get well card and discovered that she was actually at her place and not her dad's. This threw me and I didn't knw what to do. I tried to arrange to see her or chat to her on the phone, but she kept saying she did't know when she as coming back to her home and that her phone had very poor reception where her dad lived. Eventually, I spoke to her a couple of weeks back for the first time in a month, by saying I needed to speak to her as I wanted her opinion on something. When she called, I asked her are we ok and she said she wasn't sure. She said she had not been feeling very well and with everything that had been going on in the past 6 months she was feeling exhausted and needed some space to recover. She said that it was lovely to receve text messages ( I only sent about 3 a week to her) but she was feeling a bit smothered by it. She said that it had all got a bit intense and she needed some space. I said that if she needed space she should have just said so. She apologised for that. I asked whether I had upset her as I hadn't spoken to or seen her for over a month and that I would not do anything intentionally to upset her. She said I hadn't and I would have known if I had upset her as she would have said so. I gave her three opportunities to let me know if sh didn't want a relationship with me anymore as I said to her that if she did feel like that, I would be upset but would respect her wishes as we had no verbal contact for over a month so I had no idea what was going on. I texted her the next day to say that I was glad that we had clarified things, then a couple of days later sent her another text to wish her a good holiday. She didn't reply to either text. She went on holiday to America about 10 days ago and now I have no idea were I stand. Sometimes I think things are ok, other times I feel things are over. She lied to me about the fact that she was at her dad's as I know that she was at her own place up to the day she went on holiday. In fact, she even said in the phone call that "I am at my dad's and the reception is poor and I'm not lying". On the other hand, I know that she isn't the best in letting even her friends know that things are tough for her and asking for help. She'll be back within a week and I dont know what I should do. Should I call/text her or wait for her to make the first move? She's starting a new job in 10 days so do I send her a good luck card, try to see her. She said that things had been intense, but to be fair she has been the one that has been intense with the things she has said and I have tried not to get caught up with the intensity as I have really fallen for her and scared of getting hurt. This last month I've been in limbo and all over the place and can't think straight. It's really been eating me up and I can't even enjoy myself when I'm out with friends as I am so confused. Does anyone have any advice?
xpaperxcutx Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Detach yourself from her immediately. It's not a game, she's genuinely trying to avoid you. She's pulling away and you're STILL trying to jump in the same boat as her. Apparently she doesn't want you as a passenger. Best get off and find yourself another boat to share with.
aubree1982 Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 When reading this it sounds like she has you in the friend zone, it doesn't even sound like you two are together (sorry to be harsh.) I understand she has been going through recovery so she's needed time alone, but if she really liked you she would want to see you and not just send texts back and forth. You should move on and find someone who wants to spend time with you. Not someone who tries to avoid you. I know you care about her and it's hard but there is someone out there for everyone and wasting your time with her isnt going to help you find that someone special!
sid3 Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Agreed. Your only prolonging your pain. Realise that you are making a choice right now, to keep invested in someone who isn't a sound investment. I found myself dealing with the same situation. It tore me up for months. Hot/cold is confusing, and it does hurt. You have to come to the conclusion that you've had enough on your own. Hope your able to let go and start to feel better about things, it's tough but you CAN do it.
Author paddy1971 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 I understand what has been said so far, and have also thought about ending it rather than keep feeling in limbo. What I can't understand is that I gave her 3 opportunities during our last chat to end things, but she didn't. So a part of me is clinging onto the fact that she still may be interested. I know it probably sounds stupid to most people out there but it's the way I feel.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I understand what has been said so far, and have also thought about ending it rather than keep feeling in limbo. What I can't understand is that I gave her 3 opportunities during our last chat to end things, but she didn't. So a part of me is clinging onto the fact that she still may be interested. I know it probably sounds stupid to most people out there but it's the way I feel. She may have not put it into words, but her actions has stated clearly she was avoiding you. Most people choose to ignore their instincts because something haven't been brought up by the other person. But instincts are what we rely on for survival, and your instincts were telling you to bail at the first sign of trouble. RUN!
Balthazar Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Sorry, but when I see posts like this, I usually think the posters are joking. It is -painfully- obvious that this woman has no interest in you whatsoever. She is just sparsely communicating because she likes the idea of having doormat to wipe her feet on whenever she feels like it. You don't know where you stand? You are standing in quicksand, and you are up to your nostrils in it. And don't expect her to bail you out; she will let you sink in and die. Sorry to be harsh. This woman is bad news for you, get rid of her immediately, chuck her phone number away, forget she existed. And if you see her, don't be very polite to her; she hasn't been to you. CHeers,
sid3 Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Well it's going to hurt, now or later. The question is when are you going to decide you deserve better. Yeah I know how it feels well there are mixed messages. It's incredibly frustrating. It's bad. What you should try and realise is that for some reason this woman isn't wanting to enter a R with you. Don't take it personally, there are countless reasons that have nothing to do with you. It can suck to be single, but your actually single now and hurting, which is worse. It's awfully easy to cling to hope when we get glimmers of maybe they're interested. I agree with Bal. Save yourself more pain. Flat out rejection is a gift compared to the holt/cold crap some people will pull. Although I'm sure you don't really feel like it, look around, there are millions of cute girls out there. I think we forget that too quickly when there is one that we can't have.....Good luck.
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