What on earth do i do now?

[poppie]

Hi Everyone,

 

Quick run through of what's happened so far. We split up nearly six weeks ago after nearly 6 years together because he did not know if he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life and he didn't want all the responsiblilty that family life brought.

It was a very emotional break up with both of us crying. Ultimately it was my decision to call it a day but we went from "what are we going to have for dinner" conversation to him packing his bags and leaving. All over and done with in 30 mins flat, i still don't know how we went from the conversation of dinner to us breaking up.

 

Anyway there has been very little contact. I got a phone call 24 days later (the first contact since it happened) to say he had got my daughter a birthday card with some money in and he would drop it in. I said no, that seeing him would just be too hard and to give it to his Mum to give to me.She only lives 5 mins up the road and he was coming home for the weekend. (he is in the Royal Navy)

 

About a week later i forwarded some emails to his ship, i put a couple of lines nothing much, just that i still found it very strange not talking to him each night, that the builders who had been here forever had finally left, and to take care and that was about it.

I recieved an email back that same day to say he missed talking to me as well, told me what he had been doing and that if i was stuck for a lift to Ashford for my October trip to Disney then he would drop us off and pick us up.

 

A week later i got a txt to thank me for the birthday card i sent, (my girls wanted to send him a card) I sent once back saying he was welcome.

 

Now after that i decided that that was it, there would be no more forwarding emails, no more sending anything to him. I suppose i wanted to see if he would get in contact off his own back.

 

Please bear in mind that this is a man who just does not send emails, txts anything really. He hated typing due to his one finger typing ability so it takes him ages. His own family got so sick to death of sending him emails and never hearing anything back that they stopped sending them. He is also a man that shows no emotion,he is in the military so just has a way of cutting people out of his life as if they were dead. His last girlfriend, he got sick of and just disappeared. He never took her calls, anything. It doesn't bother him in the slightest.

 

Well yesterday i got an email from him, i wasn't expecting one for the above reasons and also the fact that we had now gone our seperate ways. It made me realise that he is really struggling to let go, he is finding it alot harder than he thought.

It told me all what he had been doing, that he hoped i was ok, asked if my daughter had a nice birthday and a few other things.

 

Now this is where i am stuck. I haven't replied or done anything yet. Part of me wants to reply of course but i really don't know.

Should i maybe lay all my cards on the table, tell him how i feel about things, tell him that unless he wants to sit down and talk about us then he has to let go, no emails, txts anything. Do i ignore it, or do i even continue the sending emails back and forth for the time being.

 

I am so confused by it all.

 

Please help

[Billie63]

Hi there, like you, for me it's been 6 weeks after a 6 year relationship. I was the one who moved out but it was him who ended it. But I can appreciate that it is still early days for you and me.

 

Although you say you ended it, sounds like he gave you no choice. I presume you and he have no kids together? He moved in with you and had to adapt to your lifestyle with your kids?

 

I tend to think if someone is saying they don't know what they want, the best thing to do is back off and let them make their decision in their own time.

 

I suspect he will want to make another go of it with you and if that is what you want as well, then you need to play your cards right.

 

Nothing wrong in responding to his email, bad manners not to. But demanding the two of you either discuss the relationship or he should drop all contact is a huge gamble. Honestly, how would you feel if he never contacted you again?

 

If you want him back, be the girl he fell in love. Let him know how delighted you are to hear from him, regale him with funny stories about the kids, how well you're doing. Let him see what he's missing. Let everything you write be positive without being totally fake - but you don't have to tell him you cry into your pillow every night.

 

Don't get heavy, do not discuss the relationship until he brings the subject up. Don't scare him away is what I'm saying.

 

Just by sending that email you know he is missing you. How you respond is going to make all the difference.

[xpaperxcutx]

Perhaps it's best to take some time to clear your head a bit from his influences. Your wounds are still fresh from the breakup. Just when you've decided to let go, he comes waltzing back into your life with the emails and you're immediately dragged into nights of crying on your pillow.

 

On a personal level, I would go NC on him. But since 6 years is a long time, do give a response to his email to show him that you're not at all embittered with his choices. Learn to accept that sometimes life do deal you difficult blows, but you're stronger in learning how you deal with the situation. Maybe it's too soon to let go of the memories, but you can make the most of the situation.

 

When you were with him, you fell into a certain routine. Now you're free to follow a different one. On days when you don't feel like waking up, sleep an hour longer. On days, when you want to go on a shopping spree, do so ( with caution to your wallet). But know that life is full of experiences of which people rarely get to do, and you're now entitled to do it.

 

You have so much to live for, mostly your children. He left of his own accord, but that mean he won't come back. Just that you can't always live your day to day wishing that he would. Things happen unexpectedly. You should live fully not base on what you wish to happen but what you can make happen. Such as starting new and meeting new ppl. And maybe start dating again.