confused and broken Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I have had no luck with men and am just going through my latest broken heart... But I am not the only one... my best friend is just getting out of an abusive relationship and trust me she no longer has any faith in men And my other best friend is just moving out of her boyfriends house after he cheated on her I need to know are there any decent men left?? Or are we entering a new generation where relationships no longer work? Is there such thing as for the rest of our lives... or is that just a fairy tale that has worn out its welcome? Should I give up hope and accept being single as an inevitable fact of life if I am not willing to put up with sh*&ty relationships... Are all guys just turned on by young a$5 and can't controle themselves??
kizik Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I have a question for YOU. Are there any decent women left? Amazingly, many of the great people are on the Internet, trying to piece together their fractured lives. YES - there are good men. And we are here. Here's the facts though, pure Psych 101 - if you had an abandoning father - you are not interested in "decent" men. You wan unavailable men, so you can replicate that trauma and re-live it and try to fix it, once and for all. For the guys: if you had unavailable parents in general, you will inevitably hook up with unavailable women. It's all about the upbringing. YES - decent men and women exist, but finding them means relying NOT on your instinctual attraction, but rather someone who is "boring" to you. That person will treat you better than you can even comprehend.
Author confused and broken Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 I have a question for YOU. Are there any decent women left? Amazingly, many of the great people are on the Internet, trying to piece together their fractured lives. YES - there are good men. And we are here. Here's the facts though, pure Psych 101 - if you had an abandoning father - you are not interested in "decent" men. You wan unavailable men, so you can replicate that trauma and re-live it and try to fix it, once and for all. For the guys: if you had unavailable parents in general, you will inevitably hook up with unavailable women. It's all about the upbringing. YES - decent men and women exist, but finding them means relying NOT on your instinctual attraction, but rather someone who is "boring" to you. That person will treat you better than you can even comprehend. The answer to your question is that- Yes there are decent women left... actually myself and the two other women I was talking about want nothing more than to be in a healthy relationship... all of us have worked hard trying to make our relationships work... but as far as I can tell we were alone.. What do you mean "find someone who is boring" and How do I do that??
kizik Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Well, this is what I mean. Riddle me this. You're attracted to the "bad boys," aren't you? Guys that don't say a whole lot, and are tough, and generally unavailable.
Author confused and broken Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 Well, this is what I mean. Riddle me this. You're attracted to the "bad boys," aren't you? Guys that don't say a whole lot, and are tough, and generally unavailable. Guilty of being with bad boys, but I haven't really had any good boys go after me... and who are these good boys anyways?? Are they the ones who hide in the closet instead of asking you out?? Kinda hard to date guys who don't go after you...
kizik Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Guilty of being with bad boys, but I haven't really had any good boys go after me... and who are these good boys anyways?? Are they the ones who hide in the closet instead of asking you out?? Kinda hard to date guys who don't go after you... I think the key to finding someone special again, is to not worry about finding someone special, and be selfish for a change. Take the time to focus on your school and work, and whatever makes you happy.
Author confused and broken Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 I think the key to finding someone special again, is to not worry about finding someone special, and be selfish for a change. Take the time to focus on your school and work, and whatever makes you happy. Probably a good answer but not the answer I was looking for... I hate being alone and lonely... Trust me I have spent many a night alone in bed... Ate many a meal by my lonesome... etc etc etc... and frankly its boring and lonely... But this is the answer I always get... So I take this answer as almost give up and deal with the fact you are alone make the best of it... and you never know... but don't count on it... My answer to that is F*&K why am I even on this god forsaken planet if I am meant to hang out by myself... I am a cool person who has a lot to offer the world I am a giving person who wants someone to give my love to whats the point if there is no one to share it with?
replicator Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I wonder the same as Kizik, if there are any decent women left. I know they are out there, but tough to find. I've been fooling around on the free Internet dating sites, only to find most of the women I've encountered to be very shallow and superficial. Wish I was in University again. So much easier to meet new people during that time of my life.
Author confused and broken Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 I wonder the same as Kizik, if there are any decent women left. I know they are out there, but tough to find. I've been fooling around on the free Internet dating sites, only to find most of the women I've encountered to be very shallow and superficial. Wish I was in University again. So much easier to meet new people during that time of my life. My problem with online dating is that I don't want my personal life to interfere with my professional life And online the whole world is watching
Author confused and broken Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 And for the record I know a lot of awesome women!
replicator Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Probably a good answer but not the answer I was looking for... I hate being alone and lonely... Trust me I have spent many a night alone in bed... Ate many a meal by my lonesome... etc etc etc... and frankly its boring and lonely... But this is the answer I always get... So I take this answer as almost give up and deal with the fact you are alone make the best of it... and you never know... but don't count on it... My answer to that is F*&K why am I even on this god forsaken planet if I am meant to hang out by myself... I am a cool person who has a lot to offer the world I am a giving person who wants someone to give my love to whats the point if there is no one to share it with? I sometimes feel the same way. Just think of this time when you're single as one where you are investing in yourself, so that when that guy who is perfect for you comes by, you'll be in a better place. While being in a relationship is great, being single you can devote all your time to youself, and do the things you've always wanted to. Take up a new hobby, or read a few books. Not as easy as said, but we always have the choice to choose our attitude towards any given circumstance.
kizik Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Probably a good answer but not the answer I was looking for... Sorry. I hate being alone and lonely... Try learning to enjoy it. Watch a movie, read, or just hang out. This is the answer I always get... Because it's all you can do. Why am I even on this god forsaken planet if I am meant to hang out by myself... Being alone is LIFE. We were lucky to have someone to be with, but we'll have that again if we're patient, and in the meantime, focus on improving ourselves. I am a cool person who has a lot to offer the world I am a giving person who wants someone to give my love to. Exactly. As long as you know yourself, the love you have to give will always exist. Sit on that love, and let it make you a better person. Sorry to be cryptic. k
Author confused and broken Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 I sometimes feel the same way. Just think of this time when you're single as one where you are investing in yourself, so that when that guy who is perfect for you comes by, you'll be in a better place. While being in a relationship is great, being single you can devote all your time to youself, and do the things you've always wanted to. Take up a new hobby, or read a few books. Not as easy as said, but we always have the choice to choose our attitude towards any given circumstance. You're right there is no point in having a negative attitude...
Author confused and broken Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 Sorry. Try learning to enjoy it. Watch a movie, read, or just hang out. Because it's all you can do. Being alone is LIFE. We were lucky to have someone to be with, but we'll have that again if we're patient, and in the meantime, focus on improving ourselves. Exactly. As long as you know yourself, the love you have to give will always exist. Sit on that love, and let it make you a better person. Sorry to be cryptic. k Thanks I actually feel a lot better... I needed those words
milx Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 yes, there are many many decent men left in this world. you might have to travel around the world to fine one though. it will not go to waste... at least you get to see other people's country!
kizik Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 yes, there are many many decent men left in this world. you might have to travel around the world to fine one though. it will not go to waste... at least you get to see other people's country! Yeah go to North Korea or Iraq. I hear there's cool dudes there...
Lookingforward Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 online the whole world is watching ?? que ?? Isn't the internet the place where people" hide behind anonymity"?
milx Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Yeah go to North Korea or Iraq. I hear there's cool dudes there... wherever floats your boat! i don't think OP wants to go there. personally i'd go to Philippines, men there are delicious. i might just take another trip there, i tell you.
Author confused and broken Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 online the whole world is watching ?? que ?? Isn't the internet the place where people" hide behind anonymity"? What I am saying is that if I post my picture on a dating site... one of my many many coworkers may see it and then they could all get involved in my dating life wouldn't that be great... I guess to me its like advertising that i'm single and I want to date and there are some people I don't want to advertise that to Is that weird?
Lookingforward Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 What I am saying is that if I post my picture on a dating site... one of my many many coworkers may see it and then they could all get involved in my dating life wouldn't that be great... I guess to me its like advertising that i'm single and I want to date and there are some people I don't want to advertise that to Is that weird? as you ARE single and want to date presumably - yeah, it is kinda lol
Author confused and broken Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 as you ARE single and want to date presumably - yeah, it is kinda lol ok but what happened to having a private life... Or meeting guys in other ways... Why do I need to advertise myself on the internet...pick me, pick me... It just seems desperate to me
replicator Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 What I am saying is that if I post my picture on a dating site... one of my many many coworkers may see it and then they could all get involved in my dating life wouldn't that be great... I guess to me its like advertising that i'm single and I want to date and there are some people I don't want to advertise that to Is that weird? Not at all. I feel similarly. In the end, I'm beginning to question what difference it makes if they know you're single? What's the worst thing that can happen? For me, it's hard to meet new women because I don't have much time or opportunity to get out and socialize. Not interested in meeting women at bars/cubs either... Online dating though, is very superficial. Writing up a profile and taking pictures of yourself makes you feel like a product in a catalog.
justaman99 Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 ok but what happened to having a private life... Or meeting guys in other ways... Why do I need to advertise myself on the internet...pick me, pick me... It just seems desperate to me Not desperate at all. That's a closed way of thinking. The site is designed for a particular purpose. It's better than a bar or a restaurant or a walk around the lake if your goal is to meet someone. The reason? Well guys are there to date, mostly, and women are there to date. That's it. It's strictly a store that offers what you're looking for. A guy. But it's exhaustlng and can be a lot of work. Yes it seems fabricated but I have met some really cool people and have had some really good dates and best of all I am meeting people and experiencing new things. Just be careful as there are some creepy dudes and girls. That's for sure. And who gives a **** if people see you on there or not. If they see you on there why were they there looking in the first place? -Just
Author confused and broken Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 Not at all. I feel similarly. In the end, I'm beginning to question what difference it makes if they know you're single? What's the worst thing that can happen? For me, it's hard to meet new women because I don't have much time or opportunity to get out and socialize. Not interested in meeting women at bars/cubs either... Online dating though, is very superficial. Writing up a profile and taking pictures of yourself makes you feel like a product in a catalog. I have been on POF and dated some guys on there, but something always felt really wrong about out... Like you said "superficial"... They liked me ultimately because of a picture and description... Now with the new job I have I don't want the guys I work with harassing me about being single etc... I try not to date guys I work with so... But that is not the only reason... I can't put my finger on it but it didn't feel right...
Author confused and broken Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 Not desperate at all. That's a closed way of thinking. The site is designed for a particular purpose. It's better than a bar or a restaurant or a walk around the lake if your goal is to meet someone. The reason? Well guys are there to date, mostly, and women are there to date. That's it. It's strictly a store that offers what you're looking for. A guy. But it's exhaustlng and can be a lot of work. Yes it seems fabricated but I have met some really cool people and have had some really good dates and best of all I am meeting people and experiencing new things. Just be careful as there are some creepy dudes and girls. That's for sure. And who gives a **** if people see you on there or not. If they see you on there why were they there looking in the first place? -Just I get your point I thought that it was closed minded at one point... but why is it such an outcast thing to do... not saying not common but generally not considered a great idea?? and why is it embarrassing... and why do people warn against it... why is it so controversial... most of my friends have tried it and won't do it anymore for one reason or another.. some couples lie about where they met.... I seriously felt wrong about it but I don't really understand why...
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