lsm_70 Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Hi all, Have been dating gf for approx 3 years, actually got engaged during that time but backed away from marriage talk over the past year or so. I guess I'm like a lot of people -- when things are good, it is awesome. But when it goes bad, it drops to nothingness as fast as driving off a cliff and having no ground underneath you. I will be brief (as possible) in some details, and where I am today with all this, which is basically I'm just doing a heck of a lot of thinking and praying to see what it is I want. She owns her own business, has 3 kids from 2 previous marriages, and is successful. We started dating slowly, then after several months we became close and I was introduced to her kids, which I really enjoyed. Things seemed to 'ramp up' to a point where things were really in a great place. Then arguments started, and her pattern, as I found out, is to basically cut off all contact after an argument, which really baffles me. I am no saint in all of this, and rest assured, we both worked really hard and made it through some rough patches. Over the past year, we have been 'on' for about half the time, and pretty much no meaningful contact for the other half (arguing through email, text, etc...). This past year has been the most interesting part for me, and the biggest learning part. A few times the pattern has been exactly the same. Some separation, some initial contact (small dates, talking, etc...), then a couple of weeks into it everything is back at 'full throttle', meaning staying at her house (when kids are not there), being around her family, business, etc... During this period, I would say it is very close to being a full time partner, meaning I help with the kids, help around her house, etc... and go home at bedtime. I really enjoy this, as it gives me a glimpse as to how I would like to see things turn out in the future. After a month or so at 'full throttle', there always seems to be some pullback on her part, usually accomplished through her starting a small argument out of nowhere, that blows up over a week or two into leading us to separate for a 1-3 month period. Another part I have noticed is that just prior to this 'pullback', she seems to circle the wagons with her friends (all people that work for her and are dependent on her). When things are great, it is a lot of 'us' time, then all of a sudden that time begins to diminish and BOOM! Much thought has gone into finally recognizing this pattern, and I am just now kind of sitting back going 'WTF', can this change? Do I want this person? Etc.... We have been 'off' for about a month, basically no contact until the past week or so. A 'family' trip we had planned with us and her kids was skipped during this time, which was disappointing. I made contact via email to inquire about a joint business venture we have. No relationship stuff, just point of fact business stuff. Cool. Then this week I notice something else with our business, a deposit had not been made, so I emailed her about it. I received a reply saying thanks, because all her deposits had been messed up that day, and she would not have known without my email. I seriously doubt that story, but hey it could be true, I just don't believe it because she is spot on with her business stuff. She texted me late one night regarding another issue, which I didn't respond to (as if late Sunday night is the time to communicate a non-critical issue to your business partner), I thought it was weird. I also noticed that her various web presence sites for her business (restaurant/bar) now contain pics of her and friends partying all over the place, which is not her usual way of doing things. There are also comments all over those sites of 'I'm living life now', or 'I'm back, out to have a good time', etc... I feel all of the contact and pics are meant to get some reaction out of me, which I have yet to provide. I'm really trying to keep my distance and figure out what I want. I do know without a doubt that I love this woman. I also know we have had challenges, like anyone, and that I believe that can all be worked through, with proper dedication. I guess I'm here to relay my story and see how other folks are dealing with similar issues. I mean, is it really just easier to cut ties and move on??? Thanks for any responses.
kizik Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Brohan, make paragraphs out of your sentences and I'm sure you'll get a response. Post 1k. I rule.
Author lsm_70 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 Thanks for the advice, it would not let me edit the original post to break it out. I guess it does kind of look intimidating all put together like that. I sent the moderators a question on how I can edit it. Appreciate the suggestion.
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