Blondi26 Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 My boyfriend and I dated on and off for about three years until we broke up the end of August ’07 (His Decision). After we broke up, he would keep contacting me through various means. I tried to ignore him and never replied to ANY of his messages, except to ask for my stuff back. Then about 9 months after our breakup, I ran into him. He was SO excited to see me. His eyes lit up and he was like a little puppy wagging his tale when his owner finally comes home. He immediately asked how I was doing and seemed very interested in whatever I had to say. He told me he missed me so much and hugged me very close against him and held me for awhile and then kissed me on the cheek. He asked if he could take me out to dinner that night. I told him I was busy, but to keep in touch. We talked on the phone three times during the next week, the last call lasting six and a half hours, during which we discussed our relationship. He said that he didn’t shut down the door to our relationship…that I did, by disappearing. He said that he figured that I had left him for dead, and that he accepted that. He said that he was vulnerable and scared that he would fall again. He said that it took him a long time to regain what he had before he dated me. And, all he did for awhile was to compare other girls to me and no one ever matched up that no girl was even close to me, but he didn’t know why I left him with nothing and wouldn’t talk to him and just demanded my stuff back. He said that when he saw me he was afraid that he would just want to hold me and want what he had with me, but he wasn’t sure if that was good for either one of us. He said that all along he was attracted to me and crazy about me, but felt like I didn’t support him and that I wasn’t there for him. He said that he wanted me all the time and had I not hurt him, he never would have broken up with me. He also said I was exactly what he wanted and that it hurt to lose me He also asked if I was dating anyone exclusively, joked about what other boyfriends I had, and asked what my parents thought of him. Then he kept asking if I wanted our relationship back. I tried to avoid the question, but he was so persistent, so finally I said I don’t know. Then, he started teasing me saying that I wanted him back and he said that he was really excited that I wanted him. We finally went out on “date” a few days later. It was nice. We hung out and had a good time. He even kissed me and tried to make plans to hang out again. He said that he wasn’t seeing anyone and that he didn’t go on any dates since we broke up and that not many women were worth it. However, he said that he did think about other women when we weren’t together. I got kind of mad at that and flipped out a bit at him and said that I slept with 2 guys, but we made up and left on a good note. I asked if we were dating and he said we could be. A few days later, we talked again and he was upset that I had flipped out and he felt like he had ruined everything. I assured him that he hadn’t. A few days later we talked again and this time I clarified that I hadn’t slept with 2 other men and I apologized for flipping out. I explained that it was hard for me to see him because I had feelings for him. Then, he kept questioning me about what kind of feelings I had and eventually I confessed that I liked him and that I wanted to be with him. He then said that he really wasn’t sure if he would ever date me again. He felt like he couldn’t trust me and that it is hard, but not impossible, to get trust back. So he said that if I wanted to pursue it he wasn’t stopping me. But he also wasn’t looking to get back into a relationship like tomorrow. He then begged to see me again and I said that I was free on either Weds or Thurs of next week. He said to let him know and I said ok goodnight loser [FONT=Wingdings]J[/FONT] jokingly and he said haha can’t say that until we are officially dating. The next week, I didn’t call him to hang out because I was upset that he said he didn’t want to date me. After Thurs rolled around, he kept texting asking if I just forgot about him or if I was ignoring him again. We talked a few days later and he was like no big deal, but call me of you wanna hang out sometime [FONT=Wingdings]J[/FONT] Again I didn’t call and about a week and a half later he reached out to me. At first he was nice and asked how I was. But then he was mad because I never called him to hang out. He said that he felt like he had been played… that I told him I liked him and then shut him out of my life and disappeared. He said that he thought things would be different and that I would have more to say to him. He also said that he thought he could have trusted me, but I couldn’t even call him. I told him I was sorry he felt that way and that I have been really busy and that I didn’t have time to hang out. I also said I was kinda busy at the moment. About a week later I reached out to him and asked him to hang out. He said that he didn’t know if hanging out with me was a good idea for him. I told him that I wasn’t trying to pressure him and he got snotty and said well I’m not trying to be your boyfriend. I said that was fine, but I need some help with some stuff. He then said that I treated him like crap and that I am only nice to him when I want something. He also said that I wasn’t genuine and that I kissed him with my eyes open and flipped out at him last time I saw him. He then said “remember when I said If you expect me to trust you, you have to show me something and I said could you call me this week. And you didn’t, and then you told me that you were too busy to call this week and the week we were in.” I apologized for not calling and we made plans to meet the following week. I called him the day before we were supposed to hang out to make sure we were still on and he agreed. Then he called me the next day as soon as he got out of work to let me know that he was free and that we could meet up whenever, but that he might be busy later that night. I met him at his new house (He just started renting a house). He was nice to me, but didn’t seem as comfortable with me…like he wasn’t all over me and he didn’t use any nicknames with me. Still we had a good time, he showed me around and brought me to his bedroom where he was watching a baseball game. We both lay down on his bed and were cuddling and teasing each other. He also kissed me. I then gave him a backrub and he got pissy that I was texting people on my cell while hanging out with him. He asked if I was texting my other boyfriends. We continued to have fun, but then he made a comment that he wasn’t dating me or that he didn’t want to date me. At first I was like I don’t want to date you either, but later on I was like really, really we would never date again? We moved our conversation to the living room and he started to play his wii. RUDE. He explained that he didn’t think it would be different this time (despite my protestations) and that he couldn’t trust me again. He said I had crossed the line several times and that he couldn’t forgive me. He also said that he enjoyed being single and that he wanted to be single for the next couple of years. He said that he wasn’t ready to take care of anyone. I told him he wouldn’t find anyone better and he said that it wasn’t about better, it was about different. He didn’t experience different cultures and that there was so many people out there. He questioned why I wanted him because he wasn’t special and why I wanted a relationship. I reminded him that when we first started dating he pressured me for a relationship big time and he said that that was awhile ago and that things change and that he didn’t have the same feelings for me. So now I am confused. We broke up and I thought I had a chance of getting back together with him. But now he says that he can’t trust me, but it seems that he has before in the past. And he has never been this commitment phobic before and most of his friends have girlfriends. He just started a new job about a month and a half ago and is making good money and gets to travel a lot. He also just moved into a nice house with an in ground pool that he is renting about two weeks ago. So maybe these two changes are a lot for him right now. I don’t know. I don’t think he wanted to be just friends with me and it never felt like he just wanted sex or kissing. Maybe he just liked the attention and needed the ego boost of knowing I liked him. Maybe he was just mad that I blew him off and I didn’t call. Maybe he likes stringing me along or he needs to know that I am still available. Please any advice would help. I would really like to get him back.
zombie_romance Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 heh, I'm really not one to be giving advice, especially since I'm not really in much of a better predicament than you, but heres what I'm thinking, if you care to know. I'm not saying that you are, exactly, but it almost seems like you guys are just playing games with each other. And every time you agreed to hanging out, and left him high and dry, he lost power of the situation. Being that he was the one trying to get back together at first, He wants the power, which you had when you stopped talking to him. You had the power up to this point, now its all his. If you want it back, just play a little hard to get again, and then the decision to be together is all yours, but you really need to decide for sure and quit playing him, because he's just going to keep on playing you back at this rate. OR you both need to sit down and have a strictly honest discussion of what you both want and quit playing around. but its hard as hell to know whether the other person is being completely honest or not. You guys will just have to trust each other. anyways, like I said, don't live by what I'm saying, I'm just throwing out the ideas of what I was thinking. best of luck -zombie-
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