jenjen_321 Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 I've posted a time or two here before, once being on a matter similar to this one. My husband and I have differing opinions. We are, by the way, in our 50's. The disagreement arose during a gathering at our house to celebrate our grandson's birthday. There were several people there, many kids, parents, grandparents, etc. We were looking through some old photo albums from my husband's childhood and happened to run across an old B&W pic his parents had taken of him at about age 6 or 7. In the pic, he is standing at the top of the stairs wearing his dad's cowboy boots and hat and nothing else. I had seen the pic before but had long forgotten about it. We all started laughing and everyone came over to see what the interest was. By the time we were done, everyone there had looked at the pic and had a laugh. My husband says we should not have called attention to it and is embarrassed that several school-age girls were there and saw it. I assured him that my parents took similar photos of my brothers in the bathtub, etc. and they did get shown when family and friends were over. My husband thinks it was improper for the girls to see the pic. My opinion is that he should realize that it's not that big a thing (no pun intended) and get over it. Has anyone faced this before?
AdrianaLima Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 No, but I can understand why he may have felt embarrassed or humiliated, in some degree. Even though, it may be true that some children do take naked pictures in the tub or whatever, this still was an embarrassment for him. But knowing the age that he is, this shouldn't even be a issue for him. He can get over this.
Author jenjen_321 Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 I really don't think his opposition was due to personal embarrassment, but rather the principle of girls viewing the photo. I grew up with two brothers and many cousins, friends, etc. and don't see anything wrong (or uncommon) with it. Opinions????
porter218 Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 I've posted a time or two here before, once being on a matter similar to this one. My husband and I have differing opinions. We are, by the way, in our 50's. The disagreement arose during a gathering at our house to celebrate our grandson's birthday. There were several people there, many kids, parents, grandparents, etc. We were looking through some old photo albums from my husband's childhood and happened to run across an old B&W pic his parents had taken of him at about age 6 or 7. In the pic, he is standing at the top of the stairs wearing his dad's cowboy boots and hat and nothing else. I had seen the pic before but had long forgotten about it. We all started laughing and everyone came over to see what the interest was. By the time we were done, everyone there had looked at the pic and had a laugh. My husband says we should not have called attention to it and is embarrassed that several school-age girls were there and saw it. I assured him that my parents took similar photos of my brothers in the bathtub, etc. and they did get shown when family and friends were over. My husband thinks it was improper for the girls to see the pic. My opinion is that he should realize that it's not that big a thing (no pun intended) and get over it. Has anyone faced this before? I don't get why he is upset. Most families have pictures like this. My moms favorite one is of my brother when he was 5 and standing in the bathtub naked with his hair shaped into devil horns and an expression to match. My mother puts that one on the fridge, nobody is bothered by it. I think my brother was only mildly embarrassed by it but got over that quickly. Naked pics from that age just don't count..it shouldn't bother him.
AdrianaLima Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 The only thing that you can do is just apologized. Just basically let him know that you didn't know that he would have an issue about the whole thing, or else you wouldn't have brought attention to it.
quankanne Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 nowadays, you just can't be too careful, you know? Because someone with bad intent could say that those two young girls were exposed to child porn by family members, even if it *is* just an innocent but funny shot. You or your husband (or even his parents and sibs) looking at it is one thing; showing it to a wider audience – even just other family members – brings that element of porn into it. NOT because it's actually porn, but because someone could misconstrue it as such.
Walk Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 My parents have a couple nearly nude pics of me when I was a wee one. They're innocent pic's, but I would be upset if young nephews or cousins were shown those. I'm not really sure why, but mostly because I don't feel its appropriate for kids younger then mid-upper teens to see pic's like that. Plus, I feel it lends itself to a loss of respect from the youngest members of my family. I also find it embarressing (whether I should or not, I still do) and little kids can be espcially cruel. I don't really have a good reason for why it would be embarressing for me... but I sure don't like others looking at me naked without my expressed consent, especially photos I had no control over having taken. It doesn't sound like your husband had any control over having those pictures shown around. It was kind of a violation of his trust that you wouldn't expose his embarressing moments to others without asking if he was okay with it. Most guys want to be seen as strong male figures... not little naked boys with tiny weenies. Especially in front of the entire family. Kind of a blow to his pride. Just curious, but if you had a naked photo of you as a kid and your parents, husband. or family member whipped it out when someone came over... how would you feel? Could you place yourself in his shoes and try to image how you would feel? It might help you understand his reaction better and help you two find a good solution.
bish Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 I think it was improper for school aged girls to see the pic. It just gives me that icky feeling.
bish Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 question for those who thought it was no big deal, at what age would he have to have been in that picture before it became inappropriate?
Lizzie60 Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Maybe he was embarassed because it is NOT a big thing.. still.. .. Tell him that he knows it... you know it.. but others don't..
jimj_123 Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 I may get some opposition to my thinking here, but isn't that what a forum is about? First, I can relate to the existence of some pictures of this nature. I experienced my share of red faces from them. Believe me if you want to hear the definition of embarrassment, it's girls near your age seeing your bathtub pictures when you're that age. But from my experience, it's kind of like "puppy love" at that age. It's "puppy embarrassment" and will go away. And yes, it's at its worst if they see "it". But I seriously doubt if any kid that age is concerned about how tiny it is, that just doesn't come until a few years later and the guys on this board can relate to that. Rather, just the fact that the girls saw you at all is what its all about. At that age, there is a power struggle between boys and girls, the girls have a club, no boys allowed, etc. and the boys have a treehouse or something like that, no girls allowed. Boys pull the girls hair and so forth. So when you get seen at your "vulnerable" moment, it just seems so unfair. And in my case, the parents were always doing it and laughing at our red faces. That made it seem like the girls were being favored and "had one up on us". And I guess that's true. Furthermore, you may call me chivalrous, hardheaded, old fashioned or just plain narrow minded but if I was at a party like this and a picture like that was shown of a young girl, I would feel uncomfortable but wouldn't say anything. The male and female hormones are just different and I don't think it should happen if the gender roles were reversed. My wife's old photo album has some similar pictures of her two younger brothers but none of her. Again, just my two cents worth. All in all, I think jenjen's hubby is making something that isn't.
quankanne Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 and again, I say you just can't be too careful in this day and age. There is huge potential that someone will interpret that photo as child pornography. And frankly, it's not something that should be shown around, even to family members – looking at a naked toddler doing something is one thing, because of the innocence factor, but anyone older than that naked in a shot, the potential for creepy just shoots up.
Ronni_W Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 I grew up with two brothers and many cousins, friends, etc. and don't see anything wrong (or uncommon) with it. I see the hurtful thing as being the imposition of one person's point of view onto another person -- to the point where he "shouldn't" feel what he is feeling or, put another way, that his feelings are somehow "wrong" or inappopriate...just because someone else had some different experience that led to different feelings than he has. Forget that it is about a nude pic of when he was 7 -- it is the current-day minimizing of HIS current-day experience and feelings that he will have far greater time getting "right" in his heart.
jimj_123 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 What was considered inappropriate male nudity was way different when these things took place. I did some googling and found that in 1941, LIFE Magazine did a story called "Democracy in U. S. Schools" at Franklin High School in Rochester NY. A noted photog of the time (and later years) named Eliot Elisifon did the pics and included was a photo of the girls' gym class in the gym doing calesthenics. Also included was a photo of the boys' gym class. They were shown in a full head-to-toe picture of about 20 boys in the showers. They were all facing away from the camera, therefore revealing each one's bare behind to the readers. LIFE mag reportedly received no complaints about the photo because at that time, nobody thought anything about it. The pic is on the web today, but I'm not sure if the admin would allow the link to it here. If anyone would like it, the admin would need to be contacted, although it is the exact same photo that ran in LIFE mag in 1941.
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