Gemini0525 Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Ugh! I don’t think my 28 yo bf will EVER move out of his parent's house!!!!!!!! When we started dating, I knew that he was living at home and I was okay with it. Besides, I wasn't trying to get a brand new bf to move in with me at the beginning of our relationship. Flash forward a year and a half later and nothing has changed. He still lives at home and he's at my place for overnights. Now he’s talking about quitting his job that he hates (gee, like most of us don’t hate our jobs sometimes!) before he’s found another job. He's smart, he's witty, he's attractive, he's in shape and he SEEMED to be so ambitious in the beginning. I do love him and he says he loves me, too and wants to spend the rest of his life with me... BUT trying to have a conversation with him about moving out of his parent's house is like talking to a brick wall. He completely shuts down. It's upsetting to me on the mornings that he packs his bag because I know it means he's spending the next night at his parent's house again... which is only 3 miles away. And yes, I know he's at his parent's house - there are no other girls in the picture. I can't figure it out. Maybe he has it TOO easy. His parents don't seem to be putting any pressure on him to move out, nor does he pay them any kind of rent. He has a car payment, car insurance and a credit card… that’s it. He's on his family's cell phone plan, so he doesn't even pay for that. Oh, and he gets to park his little sports car in their garage. He takes me to dinner a few nights a week and buys some groceries. Other than that, he has no responsibilities at my place either. Don't misunderstand, I'm not financially struggling, I don't need him to move in with me to make ends meet and I've never asked him for financial support. I’m not a spoiled little princess looking for a man to take care of me so I can sit on my ass at home. However, I’m starting to become disenchanted with his lack of taking on any kind of responsibility or a step toward the future. How long is too long to wait for him to get motivated?
blondiepants Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 This is lame. He needs to be a big boy, grow up, and move out of his home. Whether it's now or later, eventually it will come to "Either move out or we're over"
Author Gemini0525 Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 Yep - and it totally pisses me off that he's putting us in that position. Yeah, I get that relationships are all about communication but come on, do I have to state the obvious to him?! If he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, he should act like it and get off his ass. I probably answered my own question by stating that he has it too easy - neither his parents nor I have put any pressure on him to get motivated. Like I said, it pisses me off that he's making it this way.
carhill Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 See how he enjoys sucking the vacuum of space you formerly occupied
Author Gemini0525 Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 So I'm still a bit annoyed because this morning was one of those when he packed his bag, so I shouldn't expect him to stay over tonight. He sent me an email from work to say hi and I responded nicely enough but added at the end that I would love for him to stay tonight. His reply was that it's not HIS place, HE didn't pick it out, he hates the area and he hates that the apt is on the 2nd floor. Um... news to me. Hates the area? It's a gated complex that's less than 5 years old and only 3 miles from his parent's house. He can't live there because HE didn't pick it out?????????? Yeah, these LAME ASS excuses REEK. Something else is up.
carhill Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Vacuum, hon, think black hole. No light escapes. This is what he must experience. Others might tell you to ditch the loser, but I enjoy waxing spacial at lunch
Author Gemini0525 Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 Vacuum, hon, think black hole. No light escapes. This is what he must experience. Others might tell you to ditch the loser, but I enjoy waxing spacial at lunch hee hee... i like the way you think!
xpaperxcutx Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 If you guys plan to move in together, I hope he doesn't use his parent's place as an option...
Ruby Slippers Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Yeah, this guy's got it very easy and doesn't have any real responsibility in his life. He obviously likes it that way. This would be a deal-breaker for me. I wouldn't date an adult who still lived at home. I did once, upon the stipulation that he get his own place in a certain amount of time. He did that, but his family was completely up in his and our business all the time. For this and many other reasons, never again. Has this guy ever lived alone? I would be very leery of having a guy move from his parents' house right into living with me. See above. You don't have any proof that he can function as a normal adult, independent of his family. If it were me, I'd lay down a bottom line of him having his own place by a certain point in time. If he failed to meet that, I'd move on.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Yeah, these LAME ASS excuses REEK. Something else is up. You're right. Either he is comfortable and happy with the very light load of responsibility he has now, of he's afraid of getting out on his own. As it stands, he has no reason to grow up.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 It sounds like you don't just want him to move out of his parents house, but to move in with you as well. Maybe he would if you offered it to him rent-free, just like home!
Lovely Disaster Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 If he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, he should act like it and get off his ass. Yes, but at this point, you should be looking at the 'whole enchilada' not just moving in, which is not really a commitment. He should be picking out the ring and proposing at this point if he sees you as "the one." Then you pick out your place you will live as husband and wife. I don't think this looks good for you, and I really don't think he sees you as the woman he is going to marry and have kids with. I'm sorry. You need to proceed accordingly and cut him out of your life and find someone who does want to spend his life with you in a real way.
Lucky555 Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 how about this a guy who lives with his parents buys a luxury car and is 26. He wanted to buy a place but can't afford it...DUH i wonder why...he was such a loser i am just glad i saw it before it was too late. he told me when i first met him he was buying a place....no way did i even jump to be with him. Soon time went by and still nothing! He could have afforded his own place but he didn't! haha this guy of yours man..don't you hate when u find someone and really like them..then this bull comes up! Sounds like he needs a shove.
Walk Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Has he ever lived on his own, or has he always been supported by his parents? How long have you two been dating? I 100th all the other posts. He's not going to function as a responsible adult in a relationship. If you want to adopt him in the future, then he might consider letting you.
Jake Barnes Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 He sounds like a nice enough guy to me, I dont see what the fuss is about
woods321 Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I have friends like that back home, and for the life of me I cannot understand them.. And he has the nerve to rip on your place? I would move on if i were you..
Author Gemini0525 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 how about this a guy who lives with his parents buys a luxury car and is 26. He wanted to buy a place but can't afford it...DUH i wonder why...he was such a loser i am just glad i saw it before it was too late. he told me when i first met him he was buying a place....no way did i even jump to be with him. Soon time went by and still nothing! He could have afforded his own place but he didn't! haha this guy of yours man..don't you hate when u find someone and really like them..then this bull comes up! Sounds like he needs a shove. Yeah, I don't get the whole "live at my parents house so I can have a nice car" gig. So you're going to what? Attract a girl who may be materialistic because she's judging you by what you drive... and then you're going to be shocked or pissed off when Material Girl leaves you because she finds out you live at home? LMAO
Author Gemini0525 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 Yeah, this guy's got it very easy and doesn't have any real responsibility in his life. He obviously likes it that way. This would be a deal-breaker for me. I wouldn't date an adult who still lived at home. I did once, upon the stipulation that he get his own place in a certain amount of time. He did that, but his family was completely up in his and our business all the time. For this and many other reasons, never again. Has this guy ever lived alone? I would be very leery of having a guy move from his parents' house right into living with me. See above. You don't have any proof that he can function as a normal adult, independent of his family. If it were me, I'd lay down a bottom line of him having his own place by a certain point in time. If he failed to meet that, I'd move on. Thank you. No, he's never lived alone. I see the point of having his own place for the sake of being independent but considering that I want him to live with me and he's already spending the night at least half of the time, it seems like a waste of money to be paying for two places. Even though I don't NEED his money, I would still expect him to help with living expenses. We'll be discussing the entire situation this weekend...
Author Gemini0525 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 Yes, but at this point, you should be looking at the 'whole enchilada' not just moving in, which is not really a commitment. He should be picking out the ring and proposing at this point if he sees you as "the one." Then you pick out your place you will live as husband and wife. I don't think this looks good for you, and I really don't think he sees you as the woman he is going to marry and have kids with. I'm sorry. You need to proceed accordingly and cut him out of your life and find someone who does want to spend his life with you in a real way. He talks a good talk but so far, there's been no real action. Like I was saying earlier, we're going to get to the bottom of this over the weekend.
Author Gemini0525 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 This is lame. He needs to be a big boy, grow up, and move out of his home. Whether it's now or later, eventually it will come to "Either move out or we're over" Agreed. It's so weird... and I'm pissed at myself too for not recognizing this earlier.
Author Gemini0525 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 If you guys plan to move in together, I hope he doesn't use his parent's place as an option... Oh hell NO! LMAO
Author Gemini0525 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 Has he ever lived on his own, or has he always been supported by his parents? How long have you two been dating? I 100th all the other posts. He's not going to function as a responsible adult in a relationship. If you want to adopt him in the future, then he might consider letting you. He's never had his own place. His dad even made a comment to me once that he "probably gave him too much." We've been together for almost two years. Adoption? Hmmmmmmmmmm... the benefit would be that I could raise him to be how I want him!!!! LOL
carhill Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Don't let him move in.... I smack you! I feel it coming....
daphne Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 It sounds like you don't just want him to move out of his parents house, but to move in with you as well. Maybe he would if you offered it to him rent-free, just like home! I would be willing to bet a large sum of money that this is the case. Gemini, I dated a guy like yours once. Oh boy. Where to begin? Some of us women don't heed the age old advice from other women as being fuddy duddy, old fashioned or too "the rules" oriented. Nevermind that more adults are living with their parents now than ever. Your guy's parents haven't done a very good job in teaching him to be an independent and responsible adult. His pattern of behavior is set. Short of a life altering crisis or epiphany, this is probably the way it's going to be. He may eventually move out of his parents' house, but he will not all of a sudden learn to be responsible, motivated or make good life decisions. He's had it entirely too easy. What that means for you is, can you live with this? Can you see yourself being with him in the long haul knowing that you'll be pulling more of teh load? Will you lose respect for him? Will you become resentful? Are you resentful now? Me, I lost respect. We live in a society where white men get ahead and my ex couldn't get his #@!$ together enough to be get a proper education and become gainfully employed and avoid going back to his parents house yet one more time. I suspected that if I offered to let him live with (off) me, we would have stayed together. But I'm not an enabler and I don't respect someone who would use me to begin with. I am a female, got an education, have a kick @$$ job making kick @$$ money despite the unfortunate disadvantages of being a woman in the corporate world so I don't like seeing slack@sses who make excuses. But I digress. If him being motivated, responsible, making good decisions isn't important to you, then this may not be a problem. But I would venture that for most women it is.
Author Gemini0525 Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 What that means for you is, can you live with this? Can you see yourself being with him in the long haul knowing that you'll be pulling more of teh load? Will you lose respect for him? Will you become resentful? Are you resentful now? It's a harsh reality, daphne, but you are absolutely correct about feeling resentment AND losing respect. Doesn’t matter anymore. It all ended this weekend. Tried to talk about it but he kept going back to him not liking the crowded parking or being on the 2nd floor, etc. (Lame, IMO.) He wanted to come and go without having any responsibilities what-so-ever and I just couldn’t go along with it. I didn’t hear “I love you and I want to be with you” in anything he was saying. He moved all of his things back to his parent’s house and I’m sure they said nothing about it.
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