ooopnut4 Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Im 23 and shes JUST TURNED 21, she started a new internship with other 20 somethings and started to hang out with them a lot then she wanted a break, made out with one of the guys at a party and now talks to him on the phone but says shes not going to start a relationship with him. She said these new people understand her because they go to college like her and can relate and listen to her better as I have not gone to college or made any important career moves. She said she is not in love with me anymore all of a sudden and doesnt want to talk at all. I love her so much and took her for granted thinking wed never break up and now that we have i cant stand it and i realize now what I was doing wrong but she doesnt want to give it another chance. what do I do? Leave her alone? I want her back so bad i wanted to be with her forever she waited for me to get into school and I didnt and I didnt realize she would break up with me and now im afraid if i go she will find someone else. It has been 3 weeks and she has only called me once, wont answer any of my calls or texts how do you shut someone out like that. The night she called me last week she just wanted to see if i was ok because she said she was down the shore at a bar and ran into someone that told her i was havin a hard time. She said maybe one day down the road and i pleaded with her to no avail. I have done no contact since then except for one drunken text asking to be friends one day..does this sound hopeless? She also said she is still talking to that guy she hooked up with because he understands her, nice to her and is going through the same thing as he broke up wit his girl the same week! wtf! please help she also said she knows we will talk again one day even if I dont call her she wont forget about me, my bday is next week if its a text should I ignore it? Or will she ever even call me again?
Kenyth Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Yes, it's hopeless. As a matter of fact, the best thing you can do is move on. The late teens and early twenties are a time of great change for people. It is very hard to form lasting relationships at this age, because many don't even know what they want out of life yet. She just started college and things are changing. You are going to have to respect that, no matter how much it hurts. You can't change things. You have your own life and important decisions to make anyway. Get your own life in order first, then try to build a life together with someone else.
Author ooopnut4 Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 shes graduating next year, we made it through the first 3 years
stolenheart123 Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Sorry to say this, but you need to let her go. It seems like she needs to find who she is, and she made it pretty clear. Begging will not help you. You need to now focus on you, and make your life better. It will hurt but you have to be strong. If you felt you took her for granted, then you should change yourself, work on you, and become a better person. Stay strong it will get better.
Kenyth Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 shes graduating next year, we made it through the first 3 years I know it sucks bud, but that doesn't change a thing. She's lost interest in you, and pursuing it further will do nothing at best, and drive it even lower at worst because you look desperate. Don't waste your time, emoption and energy on this any more. Instead, use it for self improvement. You don't want to get the reputation of being a clingy desperate ex. That kind of rep can kill your future chances with any girl who knows about it. Take it from someone with experience in these matters. We veterans make the mistakes, so you don't have to. Read some stuff from this guy: http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/ Most women think he's full of it, but his basic concepts are solid. Be confident, be smart, don't stand for bad treatment, and if you get knocked down, get back up and try again with a smile. Dating is a numbers game, so you just keep trying until you find a winner.
lkjh Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 I got to agree with her here. I'm not sure want kind of person you are but if you are 23 and you did not go to school, do not have a real job, and still act like you are in high school than she is doing what is best for her. Look I could be wrong but at her age she needs to be looking into her future and if for 3 years you didn't show any sign of maturing than she will move on. She hanging out with kids in her area seeing that there is a world out there with lots to do and she doesn't want to be held back. You should take time to yourself and firgure out what you want in life. Things don't get better unless you put some effort into them. It is extremely easy to get into a school in this country and we have all sorts of student loans. I am exactly your age and I have a degree in Engineering and I was recently excepted to med school. When you got together she just turned 18 and you had the upper hand by being older but now in her eyes you don't seem to have much to offer. I really am sorry this has happen to you but at least now you can turn some of these things around. I am aware that I have been privelaged in my life and I am grateful. Luckly at 23 you can still get into school, find a job, and better yourself, and you should look into that. Take time away from trying to get back together with her and work on you. I know this may seem harsh but I am speaking from experience, in high school I set a friend up with a hot girl I know and the same thing happend after college started. He eventually got really low and it was horrible; he got into drugs, dropped out of school, lost his friends, and spent almost a year in jail. I didn't blame her for breaking up with him because while they dated she was more of his emotional crutch than a girlfriend. I stopped being friends with him because I couldn't respect someone that allowed themself to get like that. The best thing for you to do is step away reflect upon your life. At a certain age girls want us to be men not boys
lkjh Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I think I came off pretty bad in the last post. What I was trying to say is that you need to take some time and get your life in order. Sorry if I was to mean earlier
vivrantflo Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 shes JUST TURNED 21 Here's the first problem... she started a new internship with other 20 somethings and started to hang out with them a lot then she wanted a break, made out with one of the guys at a party and now talks to him on the phone but says shes not going to start a relationship with him. It's over bud... when a chick asks for a break, it's cause she has interest in other guy, and your ex has proven that a fact. She made out with the guy, and talks to him on the phone... she's into him. Don't listen to her crap about how "she's not going to start a relationship with him" You two arent together.. she owes you nothing, so her promises don't mean $h!t. She said she is not in love with me anymore all of a sudden and doesnt want to talk at all. I love her so much and took her for granted thinking wed never break up and now that we have i cant stand it and i realize now what I was doing wrong but she doesnt want to give it another chance. what do I do? Leave her alone? She said she's not in love with you anymore, so why would you want to talk to her?? She says she doesn't love you anymore, and doesn't want to give you another chance.. you shouldnt be asking us what to do, cause there's only one thing to do.. forget all about her, and move on with your life. I know it hurts, I just recently had my ex tell me the same thing. If that can come out of their mouths, they don't deserve us in their lives anymore.. NC I want her back so bad i wanted to be with her forever she waited for me to get into school and I didnt and I didnt realize she would break up with me and now im afraid if i go she will find someone else. 1. It doesn't matter how bad you want her back, she wants nothing to do with you. 2. Whether you go, stay, call her every day, don't call her at all.. she's gonna find someone else. 3. She already found someone else. It has been 3 weeks and she has only called me once, wont answer any of my calls or texts how do you shut someone out like that. When they start talking to a new guy on the phone, and make out with them, it's easy to shut out an ex. She said maybe one day down the road and i pleaded with her to no avail. I have done no contact since then except for one drunken text asking to be friends one day..does this sound hopeless? I feel your pain, but im hard nonetheless.. cause I dont want to give you any false hope, like what this chick is giving you. Maybe one day down the road?? I got that line too... any chick that wants to be with you, wont say that you may be with her sometime down the road.. she knows you're hurting, so she's trying to let u down soft. Forget about her. It is a hopeless situation, cause she's 100% into this new guy... and a woman won't turn away from that. She also said she is still talking to that guy she hooked up with because he understands her, nice to her and is going through the same thing as he broke up wit his girl the same week! wtf! please help she also said she knows we will talk again one day even if I dont call her she wont forget about me, my bday is next week if its a text should I ignore it? Or will she ever even call me again? Nice, so they are rebounding with each other.. it wont last....well, maybe it will.. who knows... and you shouldnt care. She telling you she still talks to this guy, and that he understands her and all this crap. Do you want to be hearing this tripe?? NC No phone calls.. ignore hers No Email No texts No smoke signals No sign language. Nothing.. She won't call you for your bday, cause she doesn't want to lead you on. But if she does call, ignore it. You're not 5 years old, you dont need a phone call to have a fun bday. Try and excrete her from you life. She's not yours anymore, and you need to start your healing. There are women out there that will put you, and keep you at number one. And not need to make out with other guys and go on breaks with you. Good luck
Kman21 Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 IM 18 and im gonna start off college soon, my ex broke up with me also and im trying to move on, what you said always apply to everyone? I mean I want to be aware of that fact and make wise decisions in my future college life. The late teens and early twenties are a time of great change for people. It is very hard to form lasting relationships at this age, because many don't even know what they want out of life yet.
Kenyth Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 IM 18 and im gonna start off college soon, my ex broke up with me also and im trying to move on, what you said always apply to everyone? I mean I want to be aware of that fact and make wise decisions in my future college life. Yes it does, in one way or another. Some people move out of high school straight into a job they hold the rest of their life, and a marriage that lasts forever, but those situations are few and very far between. Your safest bet is to get your own life in order and stabilized first. Do all the things you want to do. Pursue all your interests and get some experience. Then, when you know what you want and have a stable career, start looking for that long term committment. Sometimes they fall into your lap before that, but mostly, you have to work at it to find someone special.
theobserver Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I think I came off pretty bad in the last post. What I was trying to say is that you need to take some time and get your life in order. Sorry if I was to mean earlier LOL your post was a bit random, well done on your academic achievements you seem proud of yourself and have given yourself enough pats on the back. Anything can happen in life though your post is rather naive SOME of the most successful people in the world did not pursue further education it does not guarantee success merely the extra means to do so. (Which the exception of specific Jobs that do require further education and study) OP she made out with another guy who she's most likely hitting it up with now and she told you straight up that she does not love you anymore and has been keeping NC rather better then you apart form 1 call. I don't understand what you need to hear it's over. I will say this though I'm not going to agree this is anything with you going back to school or not admittedly nobody likes to be with someone that doesn't want to try and better themselves not just by education (I myself have a Net Worth of £2.5m, I started my own business after secondary school while my now wife was in college I used to get so much crap from friends but my girlfriend(now wife) supported me and my family the rest is history) there is always something you can do. Point is unless you were abusive and generally lazy she would of "stood" by you and not so easily have dropped you like a ton of bricks the second someone she perceives as "better" comes along AND as she said she is no longer in love with you and probably wasn't for a long time and merely wanted you to become stable in your life before she left. Keep NC, have a good cry tonight then tomorrow it's a clean slate, BECOME STRONGER be happy with yourself don't worry about her and enjoy your birthday with your friends or family one day you'll find a woman that's going to love and respect you no matter what. Sort yourself out decide what you want to do. Not what the world does. Go to school, get a new job and work your way up, or just go discover yourself and see what your place in the world should be. Good Luck
lkjh Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 LOL your post was a bit random, well done on your academic achievements you seem proud of yourself and have given yourself enough pats on the back. Anything can happen in life though your post is rather naive SOME of the most successful people in the world did not pursue further education it does not guarantee success merely the extra means to do so. (Which the exception of specific Jobs that do require further education and study) Yes you are correct that a select few are very wealthy without school or training but those people are rare and usually well above average intelligence. In the modern world you have to make yourself competitive that's just the way it is. Also I wasn't patting myself on the back I was pointing out that 23 really isn't that young. There are people who are married and have children by that age. Being successful isn't measured by how much money you have! I was trying to tell the OP (whatever that means) that women aren't going to sit around and wait for you to get your life in order because around 21 a lot of girls start looking into the future adn they want something real.
smoothrider Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 LoL this girl reminds me of so many girls I've had affairs with. They're with these high flying doctors and lawyers but then down the line they're having affairs with average guys like me and BEGGING me to take them away. In this society it teaches women that they should find the most successful man out there "Oh make sure he has some sort of degree and a high paying job like a doctor" Oh well done parents who probably dont even have these qualifications when they met but your happy to tell your daughter these things rather then "be with someone for love " etc. Then ofcourse these women realise while it's great these men have achieved so much it doesnt really matter I think someone said above the idea of if you can't love a person with no money then you don't love them at all. It's a real test. Please people stop stating what "women want" it's already been proven it's pretty much impossible some want money, some want power, some want love, some want fame and some just want to get off. They can do this themselves or through association with a man they choose. That's just how it is. I guarantee you this chick broke up with you because she is going to be getting laid by every male willing to dip into her hole at college there are so many girls like that there it's not even funny. Very rarely are there ever girls there just studying 70% are free *ussy. I also just pulled that statistic out of my a**. BTW I disagree with above ALOT of women try to stick around their man waiting for them to get their life in order. It's called wanting to change their man I'm sure you've heard phrases like "you can't change a man" but alot of women still try. It takes the man to change the situation himself sometimes it pays off like for observer or will charlie shene ( Ok maybe not Shene and I think hes getting too old to change) Anyway fact is for the moment she's put herself up a class and your too low to hang out with and shes not willing to comprimise. All we can do is hope she gets knocked up and has to drop out and when she comes running to you bang her once then tell her you don't love her anymore. Adios.
kizik Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 LoL this girl reminds me of so many girls I've had affairs with. They're with these high flying doctors and lawyers but then down the line they're having affairs with average guys like me and BEGGING me to take them away. In this society it teaches women that they should find the most successful man out there "Oh make sure he has some sort of degree and a high paying job like a doctor" Oh well done parents who probably dont even have these qualifications when they met but your happy to tell your daughter these things rather then "be with someone for love " etc. Then ofcourse these women realise while it's great these men have achieved so much it doesnt really matter I think someone said above the idea of if you can't love a person with no money then you don't love them at all. It's a real test. Please people stop stating what "women want" it's already been proven it's pretty much impossible some want money, some want power, some want love, some want fame and some just want to get off. They can do this themselves or through association with a man they choose. That's just how it is. I guarantee you this chick broke up with you because she is going to be getting laid by every male willing to dip into her hole at college there are so many girls like that there it's not even funny. Very rarely are there ever girls there just studying 70% are free *ussy. I also just pulled that statistic out of my a**. BTW I disagree with above ALOT of women try to stick around their man waiting for them to get their life in order. It's called wanting to change their man I'm sure you've heard phrases like "you can't change a man" but alot of women still try. It takes the man to change the situation himself sometimes it pays off like for observer or will charlie shene ( Ok maybe not Shene and I think hes getting too old to change) Anyway fact is for the moment she's put herself up a class and your too low to hang out with and shes not willing to comprimise. All we can do is hope she gets knocked up and has to drop out and when she comes running to you bang her once then tell her you don't love her anymore. Adios. Smooth, I think you need to be a relationship counselor. Thanks for making me laugh.
Kman21 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 You know the thing I dont understand folks is that how can a person leave me after a long relationship? I mean I am sure ooopnut4's girl told him that she loved him and such. But when I think about it, if she left him then she truly doesnt love him. Im seeing posts on love shack how they left their partner after a 6 year relationship. I mean how can that happen?? How can you just leave someone like that after 6 years? I really dont understand that. This girl has been with him for 3 years, doesnt she feel some kind of attachment to him at all? I mean do we truly know what love is sometimes?
nopainnogain Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Smooth, I think you need to be a relationship counselor. Thanks for making me laugh. LOL,I agree. I like the part where he says some woman just need to get off.
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