sedgwick Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Yesterday I posted a thread about my friends telling me my ex still loved me. The thread got pulled and I got an infraction for berating someone. I have no idea who I berated, I only made one post back to anyone, thanking you all for your advice. But if that was somehow offensive to someone, I do apologize. I honestly have no clue what I did. Anyway, I sent him a text and he totally ignored me. So I suppose I got what I deserved. To whomever I berated in thanking you for your advice, I'm sorry.
roghornio Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Anyway, I sent him a text and he totally ignored me. So I suppose I got what I deserved. I’m sorry to hear that. Don’t beat yourself up over it though.
Nevermind Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Sedge: Usually you get a PM with the offending post, or you can check for it in your profile. He ignored your text? What did you write?
Author sedgwick Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 I got a form message saying I berated someone or was uncivil to them. I honestly have absolutely no idea what I did. If you are the person I offended, I apologize...please tell me what I said! The text said, "In my heart I am in the front row wearing green lipstick. I love you always, for exactly who you are." I am so pathetic. I'm so stupid. This guy is WAAAYYYYYYYYY too good for me and I need to get that through my head.
Nevermind Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 On the top left of the page you'll find "My Profile/CP", if you click on this it will show you which post was flagged. I only got one but along with it also came a PM from Tony. Why don't you write a PM to him and ask for the reason? I only read the thread to the second page and then went to sleep, so I don't know which post it could have been or who could have been offended. Seeing that it irritates you, I'd suggest you write to Tony (or another moderator). What did you write in your text to the ex? What did you decide to do?
Nevermind Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 What does that mean? "In my heart..." I am confused. This means you won't go but wish you would? And you're only not going because you think you're not good enough? He might just be too confused to answer.
roghornio Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 The text said, "In my heart I am in the front row wearing green lipstick. I love you always, for exactly who you are." You’re not asking anything so what were you expecting in reply? i wouldn't worry about a no reply there.
sid3 Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 I read a good part of your thread. I didn't see anything to offend somebody. I wouldn't worry about his lack of response. It sounds like there is a lack of emotional maturity on his part. Your still putting yourself down sedge. You have it all wrong, this guy isn't good enough for you.Not even close. You should start telling yourself that as often as needed. I've read your list of accomplishment over the past year, you've achieved alot. You should be proud of yourself. There are plenty of men out there that will see that your a great gal, and more than likely they will all shower daily:)
sao2 Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 HI Sedge, I have been beating myself up about my past relationship for about as long as you have. This seems to be the best way that I can stomach things: You and him made a mess of your time together. You screwed up and you both share that burden. The time that you were supposed to be together has passed and there is no going back to that. It sucks but that is the reality of the situation.
CHANTRESS Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 He probably didn't reply cause he was too busy fondling his "fiddle". Sedge you did what you felt was right. Don't beat yourself up sweetie.
Kamille Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Your ex just doesn't want to step up to the plate Sedge. His actions (leaving without warning, texting you after all that time as if nothing happened, not answering this text.) The impression I get from your relationship with him was that it was always all about him. I think I've told you this before. I think that dynamic is also linked to how hard the break up was on you. After all, how could he give you up when you did so much for him right? The effect was that you were left with a shattered self-esteem, which you are now rebuilding. A healthy relationship isn't as one-sided as yours sounded. It doesn't center itself solely around one of the partner's passion. You are both complete passionate creative human beings and his inability to recognize that, then and now, is why this guy isn't right for you Sedge. You deserve so much more then to be second-fiddle, literally.
Lishy Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 It has nothing to do with you not being good enough for him and all about him not being man enough for you! You should not have sent that text!
Ronni_W Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Sedg, In another part of the forum they're discussing getting flagged and such...someone mentioned about using characters to disguise, er, "vulgar words" that might be offensive to certain people. It could just be your post title and not that you directly insulted/offended anyone. The text said, "In my heart I am in the front row wearing green lipstick. I love you always, for exactly who you are." Not answering your text, to me, is just playing games. And my image of you is everything EXCEPT a plaything! So, he really is not on my list of "top ten million people" right now . (((hugs))) Hang in there.
Treasa Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 I got a form message saying I berated someone or was uncivil to them. I honestly have absolutely no idea what I did. If you are the person I offended, I apologize...please tell me what I said! The text said, "In my heart I am in the front row wearing green lipstick. I love you always, for exactly who you are." I am so pathetic. I'm so stupid. This guy is WAAAYYYYYYYYY too good for me and I need to get that through my head. Self-fulfilling prophecy. We tend to believe and create what we say to ourselves. I've been following this for a while now, even though I haven't posted anything in reponse. If I were any decent guy, I wouldn't want to have anything to do with you based solely on your lousy attitude about yourself. You're clearly a very talented, ambitious woman, but until you believe it, no one else is going to. When are you going to stop making this loser the God and center of your universe? Do you really want to be unhappy for the rest of your life? Why are you texting him things that make you look like a doormat?? As far as the deletion of your post, do you TRULY and HONESTLY feel like you said something to offend someone? If not, then why are you apologizing?? I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. I really do.
Ronni_W Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 We tend to believe and create what we say to ourselves. [sedgwick] You're clearly a very talented, ambitious woman, but until you believe it, no one else is going to. Treasa, I absolutely, 100% agree with your above two statements. And I also wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Yours in Light and Co-creation, Ronni
Author sedgwick Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 I get it that I shouldn't have sent the text. I know. I'm an idiot. But I can't take it back. I listened to these stupid people who told me it was a good idea. I had self-confidence when I met him. Seriously, I did. I had spent a fair amount of time getting my sh*t together. I felt like I was in a good place to be in a relationship. I really liked him and I wanted to approach him from a place of love and joy, and I did. He is the one who ripped all that out from under me. He told me he couldn't love me because I didn't have the exact same career as his. In saying that he told me that everything about me, everything I had to give, was not good enough. I was disposable. My self-confidence went away with him. I was sort of starting to get it back and then yesterday happened. He is in town, and he is ignoring me, and he's about to leave for another six months. He knows he could talk to me, and he is choosing not to even acknowledge my existence. I don't know how to dig my way back out of this. He just breaks my heart over and over again. I'm not even worth speaking to.
Author sedgwick Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 I get it that I shouldn't have sent the text. I know. I'm an idiot. But I can't take it back. I listened to these stupid people who told me it was a good idea. I had self-confidence when I met him. Seriously, I did. I had spent a fair amount of time getting my sh*t together. I felt like I was in a good place to be in a relationship. I really liked him and I wanted to approach him from a place of love and joy, and I did. He is the one who ripped all that out from under me. He told me he couldn't love me because I didn't have the exact same career as his. In saying that he told me that everything about me, everything I had to give, was not good enough. I was disposable. My self-confidence went away with him. I was sort of starting to get it back and then yesterday happened. He is in town, and he is ignoring me, and he's about to leave for another six months. He knows he could talk to me, and he is choosing not to even acknowledge my existence. I don't know how to dig my way back out of this. He just breaks my heart over and over again. I'm not even worth speaking to.
Kamille Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 ((sedgwick)) This is as hard as it gets sweetie. It does get better, now you know it. What he did and keeps doing to you is so completely unfair, it's revolting Sedg. Do you know why he stays away? Because he knows you deserve way better then what he can offer. The thing is, he is 100% right. He has nothing to share. Don't you see Sedgwick that his self-centred behavior preceded the break up? You say yourself you started losing self-esteem before the break up. Your love built him up, his love destroyed you. Love shouldn't destroy. In fact, love doesn't destroy. He is all about himself Sedgwick: his music, his decisions, his passions. You deserve so so so so so so so so much more.
Author sedgwick Posted July 25, 2008 Author Posted July 25, 2008 Thank you Kamille. Sorry for the double post there. I had the weirdest night tonight. My friend dragged me out of the house and took me to cocktail hour at her friend's house (her friend is a guy.) This is a thing they do on Thursday nights, and it was a really cool mix of people. I was sitting on the couch with two guys talking about video games and one of them turned to my friend and said, "And she's a bellydancer? Where has she been all my life?" I of course figured he was just joking, and then when we left my friend said, "God, you just had three guys flirting with you at the same time and you're all sad about the stupid one who doesn't deserve you." I don't know anything anymore. I am definitely 100% NOT INTERESTED in anyone else, but this goes against my idea of myself as totally unattractive and boring. I don't know. I put on a good show, maybe. I just want to stop hurting someday.
Kamille Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I just want to stop hurting someday. You will. This is it! You're starting to see what we all see Sedgwick. We both know that this is the final nail in the coffin. You're hurting this bad right now because you know it's over. It's clear it's over and it's clear you have to move on. But this is as bad as it gets Sedgwick, I swear. And once you hit this point, once you finally realize it's over, you will start healing much faster. This is a turning point for you. And you know what else? You will get your self-esteem back.
justaman99 Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I got a form message saying I berated someone or was uncivil to them. I honestly have absolutely no idea what I did. If you are the person I offended, I apologize...please tell me what I said! The text said, "In my heart I am in the front row wearing green lipstick. I love you always, for exactly who you are." I am so pathetic. I'm so stupid. This guy is WAAAYYYYYYYYY too good for me and I need to get that through my head. dammit sedg!
Ariadne Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 Hey Sedge, I posted to you yesterday and it got deleted, so not sure if you got to read it. But, congratulations!!! That is great news, you finally got the news you always wanted. Maybe this "is" true love and he actually is your twin soul like you always thought he was. And maybe to keep on loving him was the right thing to do after all. Seems like finally things are going to work out for the best. I can see that things are starting to happen on that end. Just a little bit more, and hopefully it'll all be resolved with a happy ending. Have faith.. I wish you the best of luck!
Lishy Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I am glad to see that you had 3 guys flirting with you Sedge!!!!!!! 3 GUYS!!!!!!! WOW I know that you know deep down how worthy you are, bring those feelings to the surface Sedge and get out there and enjoy what i left of life You will get through this honey
tinke Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 sedgwick, You must know that HE cannot take away your self-esteem, etc...you allowed yourself to FEEL this way. So, it is about you taking the responsibility to heal yourself, and accepting that we all play the significant role of nurturing our own feelings, our own self-awareness. Really listen to this statement..he doesn't love me because I didn't fit into his music world, therefore all I had was not good enough. One does not make up the other here, the two just don't fit up to true love. You are good enough in many other aspects, ways he chose to ignore or simply leave. I have to feel he said those things as a way out, not the REAL cause. But, look at yourself for your inner beauty, your attributes and you may begin to find some peace.
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