MissT Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I won't go too far into the sob-story of the end of my marriage, but for a reference, you can go to this thread - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t159059/ (the original poster has a very similar story to mine, and I fill in my bits at comment # 17 ). So, after a year and a half of lies, pain, deception and financial woes I am meeting with HIM. He has been begging for this meeting since I moved to to his city (I'm engaged and the one I'm 'gaged' to lives there now). I had refused the meeting at first because I didn't feel strong enough. Then we arranged for a meeting between him and my fiance (they used to be very good friends - even after my separation), EH cancelled the meeting at the last minute. Now, I feel strong enough to do it. After hundreds of unanswered and ignored e-mails from me, he finally started to respond and requested some more communication. We have a lot of financial issues to deal with (including the mass amounts of monies that he owes), and I just want to have him answere face to face what he has managed to avoid for these last 15 months. I'm not looking for the 'why you left me for her' answer, I'm better off without him. What I'm looking for is the 'why/how are you going to take care of this mess left behind now?', and a few other chice things that he's avoided all this time. Why am I posting this? Well, I'm a bit nervous yet. I know I have 'hand' now. I'm not the same crying, quivering, confused and damamged mass that he saw last time. I'm no longer faced with the pompous attitude I got on our last meeting (he's now been out of work for a year, his girlfriends company having collapsed shortly after he left me to be with and work for her). I am still a bit leary and shaken by what may come. Is he trying to smooth talk me into dropping the alimony that has never come? Is he trying to get 'in' with me because now I have a job that involves some involvment with the 'rich and famous' types? And, as my fiance keeps saying, is this the "i want you back speech' that's going to happen (doubt it...he is not one to claim defeat, even bleeding in the mud)? And has anyone else had this kind of 'meeting'? Is this just going to make me lose ground now? Thanks for any input...its appreciated. Weeeeeee!
Ronni_W Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 I would make it ONLY about whatever monies we JOINTLY owe, for which I am also on the hook if only in name. And then only about "how" is he going to take care of his proper share of it (not "why"...because it is his debt, is why.) If you owe any money, have a plan of how you will take care of your proper share. If it's that he owes money to you, draft a potential repayment schedule. (Basically, take care of your own stuff and show up fully prepared and looking like you mean business.) He can't smooth talk you if you don't let him; and he can't get in with you if you don't let him. And if it's the "I want you back" speech that he intends to deliver, you can simply say, "Not here for that, thanks anyway. Now let's get back to resolving the issue of these joint debts." You will only "lose ground" if you give your ground up to him. You have the power and strength to not do that :-)
Author MissT Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 He started off by saying 'I have no money, I will pay when I can'. He's $15,000 behind and STILL there are the bills to pay from before he even left (and believe me, I have paid well over half of the expenses...I don't think I should be held accountable for credit cards that he stole from me to buy Ikea furniture and I tunes after he left me). Then he went into every excuse and way to blame me for the end of the marriage. He left me for her, but STILL claims it was for a job. He claims that he tried to save the marriage, yet he stayed in her house in another state for a year and I begged him to leave her and try to work things out. He told me it was my fault that we didn't reconcile because I wouldn't see him (I spent so many night crying on the phone with him, and sending e-mail after e-mail begging him to work on things with me, to that he's always say 'I can't leave her, I love her'). He was pompous and arrogant. Nope, not going to meet with him again. Huge mistake. Enormous. I cried for an hour and it took all that time for my fiance to convince me that I was not a failure as a wife. Blah!!!
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