Chinook Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I posted this in the 'friends' forum. But I think maybe the married forum could be a good place to ask advice too. See what you guys think.
soda Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 Chinook -- First, I pass along my best wishes and prayers for your health. Secondly, yes, I think that married men and women can potentially be friends. I think that what you wrote in the other thread suggests that you are leaning on each other for suvivor support. I think that one thing that's critical, though, is that you include your families in your friendship. Make sure that you get to know his family, and make sure he gets to know yours. Make a point of including your spouses in a shared dinner or drinks. If you find that you have to act much differently when in front of each other's spouses than you do when you're alone (from what you posted, this doesn't sound like it is an issue), then you'll know that you're creeping into deep water. From what you've posted here, I don't think you have a reason to be concerned. Just guard against having your friendship being covert and secretive and others won't be concerned either.
Author Chinook Posted July 27, 2008 Author Posted July 27, 2008 Soda, thanks for your input. I think if you read the update on the rest of the thread, it's a bit late for that. My friend declared how he felt on Friday (kinda felt like a small nuclear bomb being left in my back yard). Right now it is a damage limitation exercise but I have serious doubts now whether the friendship can be recovered to it's former ease. I have left him an email at work for when I return in two weeks. Until that time I plan on having some down time from things. I'm not happy at all about this situation. I'm not surprised that my intuition seems to be correct afterall, I'm just a little sad I was slow to realise what was happening and now it's changed things dramatically. I sincerely doubt I will be able to still see him in the same easy-friendship way and plus, for the things he's said, I'm just not going there.
soda Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 Soda, thanks for your input. I think if you read the update on the rest of the thread, it's a bit late for that. My friend declared how he felt on Friday (kinda felt like a small nuclear bomb being left in my back yard). Right now it is a damage limitation exercise but I have serious doubts now whether the friendship can be recovered to it's former ease. I have left him an email at work for when I return in two weeks. Until that time I plan on having some down time from things. I'm not happy at all about this situation. I'm not surprised that my intuition seems to be correct afterall, I'm just a little sad I was slow to realise what was happening and now it's changed things dramatically. I sincerely doubt I will be able to still see him in the same easy-friendship way and plus, for the things he's said, I'm just not going there. Eh, I see what you mean. I just made it to the update. I read the OP on Friday. Now, my advice changes. It's not a friendship if one half of it has romantic feelings.
Author Chinook Posted July 27, 2008 Author Posted July 27, 2008 Yep and that's what I'm disappointed about. Right up until 5pm this afternoon, I was still kinda hoping it could be ironed out and with some down time, I could get it back to where it was. But I've had some time to think this afternoon and I really don't think that's going to happen. Aside from all his issues, I simply won't feel natural or comfortable now and so the friendship has disappeared. In some ways I'm really pissed off with him because if he managed to make it 6 months without saying anything, I have no idea why he brought it up now. But then, that's his issue and for him to deal with - not mine. I intend like I said, to not speak to him between now and returning to work and when I actually do return to work, I won't have to speak to him that much anyhow.
soda Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 In some ways I'm really pissed off with him because if he managed to make it 6 months without saying anything, I have no idea why he brought it up now. . He spent 6 months trying to emotionally draw you in, hoping that he could establish an emotional bond...and then pursue a deeper relationship. Perhaps, at some level he felt guilty because he was married, but over time, he convinced himself it was alright. For me, having a female friend make a pass at me would be a deal breaker.
Author Chinook Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 He spent 6 months trying to emotionally draw you in, hoping that he could establish an emotional bond...and then pursue a deeper relationship. Perhaps, at some level he felt guilty because he was married, but over time, he convinced himself it was alright. For me, having a female friend make a pass at me would be a deal breaker.Yep and that's the same for me. I thought about it all day yesterday and no matter how much I try to tell myself we can probably get back to being just mates, it's not going to happen now. It's done with... which is a shame.
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