How do siblings have such different values?

[lexi29]

This just amazes/confuses me... How can siblings have such different values, lifestyles? My fiance's family includes 6 kids. His parents are still married. They grew up watching their father work the same job for 20 years and their mother stay at home. His oldest brother is 39 and has not held a steady job in over ten years. His wife doesn't work either. They have four kids. The oldest is 18. They made her get a job when she was 16 to help pay bills. I do not think she currently works as they found a way for her to get SSI. they use this to pay their bills. They used to live in a trailer on my fiance's parents land. His parents bought the trailer for them- it was nearly brand new and from what I heard- very nice inside. They lived in the trailer for 2 year and literally trashed it. My fiance's brother decided he didn't like the wallpaper and just ripped it off the walls. He wanted to replace the floors (only a few years old) so he ripped everything up and tried to put new flooring in. They ended up moving out 2 years after the trailer was bought. It was in such bad shape- garbage everywhere, holes in the walls and flooring, etc that the trailer had to be torn down and scrapped. Why would someone do this to something new that was GIVEN to them?

 

Also they trash every rental home they live in. I have no idea how they are even able to rent anywhere. They lived in their current place for almost a year and were evicted because the landlord saw how horrible the living conditions were. I had been to their place once and I literally could not walk inside- it was hot and smelled like dog feces and garbage. I gagged just standing on the porch. They don't believe in garbage cans, they just throw everything in a corner and let it sit for months!! They just recently had to move again. Their kids don't always have enough to eat but instead of saving what little money they do get- from tax returns, welfare etc, they will blow it on expensive things they don't even need! Their last tax refund they bought a leather jacket for the wife, a truck that doesnt' run (but they want to fix it up even though they have 2 vehicles) and a flat screen tv. But they let their kids go hungry. Their youngest daughter likes to play with my fiance's son and she is very sweet and well behaved. I give her my old clothes all the time so she has something decent to wear to school.

 

My fiance's mom and dad are very hard workers. His dad had open heart surgery and returned to work 2 months later (because he wanted to!) His sister is a very hard worker as well. His one brother that is a year older than him is similiar to the oldest brother but not as bad (at least he is clean and doesn't trash his houses) but he won't keep a job to save his life and his wife refuses to work as well. They are having their 3rd child this summer. I have no idea how they pay their bills. My fiance's other two brothers have a very good work ethic and have worked at their jobs (making decent money) for years. They are married and both their wives work. His youngest brother though and his wife have the habit of trashing places. They owned a house together and just decided it was too dirty and instead of cleaning it they let it go to foreclosure!! and they moved. His other brother is very neat and his house is spotless. His parents are also pretty neat and keep their house looking nice.My fiance has a good work ethic as well and he is a neat freak. He keeps his living space very neat and clean (well aside from the clutter his son causes with his toys)

 

Now my sister and I take after my mom- we have clutter in our homes and when we lived alone our bedrooms were always a mess but we are religious about cleaning so while we aren't neat we like everything to be clean. My dad had a good work ethic- he was always working but job hopped all the time. My mom never worked till I was out of high school and she has worked ever since. My sister started working when she was only 14 and now her goal in life is to be stay at home mom and she is constantly asking my parents for money. I didn't want to work and my parents had to force me to get a job when i turned 18 and I've worked ever since and have been at the same job for 7 years. I can't imagine staying home and letting someone else support me.

 

How do you think that people who grew up in the same household turned out to have such extreme differences when it comes to work ethic etc?

[quankanne]

it's their attitude toward what they learned. If their parents are neatniks, there are going to be the kids who are clean, and the ones who rebel. And I'm guessing the piggier of the kids are the ones who rebel the hardest against cleanliness!

 

we've got something similar in our family, though it deals with spending time with our folks: Out of six kids, I'm the only one who'd make it a point to devote time with my parents (now it's just my dad) because I figure I won't have them forever. My one dead brother has obvious reasons for not being able to spend time with the folks, but the others just refuse to visit unless they have to. Hell, we ended up drafting an email with the threat "the executors of Dad's estate are seriously considering taking your share and giving it to X and Y because they're doing your job of helping care for him, even though you're listed as one of the people with medical power of attorney for him, and they're not" just to get my sister to commit to a time when she could go help him!

 

I don't know, Lexi, some people just don't get that there's a right way of handling things and a bad way of handling things. Though as much as my sibs anger me, hearing about your future BiLs and their cleanliness problem is pretty dang gross!

[lexi29]

it's their attitude toward what they learned. If their parents are neatniks, there are going to be the kids who are clean, and the ones who rebel. And I'm guessing the piggier of the kids are the ones who rebel the hardest against cleanliness!

 

we've got something similar in our family, though it deals with spending time with our folks: Out of six kids, I'm the only one who'd make it a point to devote time with my parents (now it's just my dad) because I figure I won't have them forever. My one dead brother has obvious reasons for not being able to spend time with the folks, but the others just refuse to visit unless they have to. Hell, we ended up drafting an email with the threat "the executors of Dad's estate are seriously considering taking your share and giving it to X and Y because they're doing your job of helping care for him, even though you're listed as one of the people with medical power of attorney for him, and they're not" just to get my sister to commit to a time when she could go help him!

 

I don't know, Lexi, some people just don't get that there's a right way of handling things and a bad way of handling things. Though as much as my sibs anger me, hearing about your future BiLs and their cleanliness problem is pretty dang gross!

 

 

I had a situation like that in my family too. My grandparents were both very ill and had 3 children. My dad is the middle child and he lived 2 hours away and my aunt (youngest) moved in with them to help them out. The oldest (my aunt) lived 16 hours away and yet she would use any of her vacation time (and toward the end even took long leaves of absence from her job) to come help take care of them. My grandfather died in 2005 and my grandma passed away in 2006. My dad used to be very close with his mom but when she got sick he just stopped coming around. My grandma had alzheimer's and most of the time had no idea who my aunts were but she would ask for my dad all the time and he'd never come around. But now that they are both gone, all three (who used to get along just fine) are all battling over the estate and it is still not settled two years later. My dad is the one fighting the hardest to make sure everything is "fair".

 

Well it wasn't "fair" that he left his two sisters to care for his parents while he stood back and did nothing. But thats another topic.