Megolicious Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I have been in my LDR for six months on Friday. I met Matthew on the internet on the site Facebook. I'm sure many of you are familiar with that site. I was 16 at the time, turning 17 that month. He was 19 at the time. He messaged me on Facebook just to say hi and see how I was doing. So I messaged him back thinking that it would be just a harmless little chat. It turned out to be a lot more serious. We found out that we only lived two hours away from each other. We had amazing conversations which eventually turned into phone conversations. I fell in love with him just by talking to him, but I wasn't sure if he felt the same way. We both confessed that we liked each other a lot and decided that we needed to meet. My mom would have killed me if she found out that I met him on the internet so we did a secret meet. I gave him directions to the mall that is about 15 minutes away from my house. My best friend came along with me and us three decided to go see the movie "Cloverfield". When I first saw him in person I knew I was in love. He was so unbelievably amazing. That whole night was amazing. He played it off in the movies as "teaching" me how to hold hands so that he could hold my hand in the middle of the movie. Afterwards we went to this park that is right around the corner from my house. All three of us just swung and chatted and Matthew was pushing me and tickling me. When my curfew was almost up and we had to say good bye we kissed each other. It was the most amazing kiss I've ever received for a first time kiss with a guy. I'm not the type to kiss people that I'm not dating. It just happened.<br><br> The next week he came down and he asked me out. I was extremely happy because I wanted to be with him so bad and we both agreed that the distance was worth it. We both knew what we were getting ourselves into because we discussed it so many times before we went out with each other. Everything was going great. We talked to each other on the phone about 2-3 times a day. We text each other constently. We even sent each other photos of us so that we could have visuals of each other to keep us going through the week until we got to see each other. We saw each other every Friday. The Sunday of my birthday my grandpa fell out of his bed and couldn't make it. I somewhat told my mom about Matthew, but I gave her some lies like how he used to live in the same town as me and how he was 18 instead of 19. I told her that he moved with his parents two hours away because they were all going to college. Which that wasn't a lie. They really were going to a college to be Helicopter Flight Instructors, but then that school got shut down because of Bankruptcy and he lost everything. His life dream and a lot of money and effort and time he put into it. So my mom told me to invite him over the Sunday of my birthday so that he could meet most of my family. I did and everything seemed to work out great. After that every Friday he came to my house and picked me up and we would go out on dates. Then my grandma suggested that he slept over in my brother's room so that he didn't have to drive the two hours back home the same night. So that made things a whole lot better. We went Ice Skating, Bowling, we watched Movies, we just hung out at my place. Everything we did together was great.<br><br> Then almost five months into our relationship he hit me with a huge bomb. That week I got my mom to let me go to his place and sleep over for his birthday. My mom won't let me drive the two hours to go see him so I was going to help him pay the gas money to come pick me up and bring me up there. We were both fine with the idea. It sucked, but we thought it would work out in the end. I bought him an expensive camera since on our first date together alone we both kind of broke his at the fair while we were on the rides. About six days before his birthday he decided to break up with me. He told me that he couldn't handle the distance because he missed me too much and that he wanted to be able to touch me and hold me and smell my scent all the time, that the two hours was just too hard. He also said he couldn't afford the gas money anymore. He hurt me so much and he broke my heart. He told me he would never hurt me and that he wanted to be with me forever. I tried so many compromises. I told him we didn't have to see each other every week. That we could handle it together if we both loved each other as much as we said we did and wanted to be with each other. He told me he wanted to marry me someday and that I was the love of his life. I believed him until out of nowhere he decided that we had to end. I cried and begged him to take me back for a week and then I gave up on the begging until he told me he felt like he was regretting what he did. Thats when I started begging him to take me back if he thought he had those feelings. <br><br> He told me in the beginning of July that he was going to make his decision by July 11th as to whether or not he could handle the distance. He said he really wanted to handle it because he wanted to be with me. July 11th was the date because he thought that was when he would get his car back from the accident he had. Instead he decided to come to my place on July 4th. He used his dads car to come see me. I was so excited that I actually got to spend the Fourth of July with him. We went out and had lunch and thats when he asked me to take him back again which I did. Afterwards we saw a movie and then picked up my best friend and my brother and we all went and watched the Fireworks together. It was such an amazing night. <br><br> Lately things haven't been the same like it was when we first started going back out together. I feel like I'm the one that is doing everything in our relationship. He doesn't call me to leave me sweet Voicemails like he used to. He barely texts me or tells me anything anymore. We barely even talk on the phone together anymore. I brought it up to him yesterday and he blamed it on his sleeping. He has been sleeping a lot lately. He just falls asleep out of nowhere and he said its because he has been exhausted from work any everything. I also asked him if he still truly honestly wanted to be with my and he said that of course he does. Either that or he is at a friends house or he is working or he is at the gym with friends and has been too busy to talk with me. Our six months is Friday as I have mentioned in the beginning. We were going to get a professional photo taken of us together and then we were going to go Ice Skating together. I even got a friend of mine from work to switch double shifts with me so that I could hang out with him longer on Saturday. Now he can't afford to come down here on our six months. He just told me this today after everything I have done. I am so upset and extremely depressed. He said the only way he could come down here was if I gave him 60-70 dollars to help pay with gas and it would help him out for the rest of the week til he got paid. I told him all I could give him at the moment is tops 50 cuz I have to pay for my car and help my mom with my car insurance since my dad hasn't paid child support for three weeks. I'm just so confused as to the way he has been treating me lately. He doesn't seem to be treating me like his girlfriend anymore even when we do talk its not the same as before. Sorry for the long thread, but if there are any suggestions it would be much appreciated.
mma_j Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Wow, that's a tough situation you're going through. LDR's are a very difficult thing to manage. I know exactly what it's like to be able to pick up clues that a relationship has changed. I am going through that right now. The best thing to do is to take care of yourself. If the guy won't put much effort into it, then really, why do u want to do all the work? You're a pretty good catch based off what you're doing. Take care of yourself and if he really wants to visit you, he will find a way.
Author Megolicious Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 Yeah, well I've mentioned to him these past couple of days how I have been feeling and he has been apologizing saying how he didn't realize that was how I was feeling and he blamed our "lack of talking" on his sleeping. He implies that he has been so exhausted lately. I don't really know. I have been trying everything. I've been helping him pay for his gas money, I've been helping him pay for our dates we go on so its not like I'm using him for money. I really love him and I love it when he gets to come down and see me because I enjoy being with him. Just lately it hurts to be with him, but yet it hurts to be without him. So I'm in a bind. And I just found out that he spent our money that he had saved up. One hundred and twenty dollars he put in a separate bank since I wouldn't take it back after buying the prom tickets. He gave it to his parents to help pay their bills without even telling me about it until today only because I asked him if he still had that money saved up. I figured he could use it for our six month anniversary, but its all gone =/ I honestly don't know if I should just cough up the 60-70 dollars that he needs to be stable after he comes down here Friday for gas money and stuff. Its our six month anniversary and I really want him to come down here and spend it with me, but I'm not sure if I should just throw money his way. Im so confused!
mma_j Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Just lately it hurts to be with him, but yet it hurts to be without him. So I'm in a bind. And I just found out that he spent our money that he had saved up. One hundred and twenty dollars he put in a separate bank since I wouldn't take it back after buying the prom tickets. He gave it to his parents to help pay their bills without even telling me about it until today only because I asked him if he still had that money saved up. He spent your prom money? I mean, are you sure that's the reason? If that's really the reason, then it's a pretty noble cause, but I'm not sure why he wouldn't run that buy you? Strange, you know? I think it's worth this much... If you spend the money for him to visit, you may very well be paying for an answer to your problem. Is it worth the money to really find out? Would you want to know how to move on with your life w/o him, or if he really wants you, for the price of gas? That's a good way to look at it. Or you could say no, and see the answer for yourself for free. If he puts in the time and effot to visit, then he still likes you. If not, then I think you know what you must do. It's really tough, but you are way too good to be getting treated like this. He may be taking advantage of that.
EMBeee Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 There is a major age difference of about 10 years between you and your bf compared to me and my bf - but all in all I'm going through the exact same things as you are - EXACT to a T!!! The one thing with my LD bf though is that he's on and off with major depression. And when he's depressed... he tends to sleep ALOT!! And then there is a lack of communication between us because of his sleeping patterns. I'm to the point now where I have my guard up and I am backing off a little - not because I don't want to be with him (because I want to be with him more than anything in the world) but because I don't want to get hurt... which unintentionally is happening to me, as I'm sure it is with you. You have to take a step back though and realize that you deserve better treatment. Maybe he's depressed at this moment.. have you ever asked him that? I just got back from my trip on July 13 from seeing my LD bf for 5 days. We live about 1200 miles from one another. Everything seemed great!! But I did notice that he was a little bit on the down side. So I think my bf's issues stem from depression. So I don't know what else to tell you, other than maybe his "mental" state has something to do with his actions. I'm excited that I get to see my LD bf again now in exactly 3 weeks!! YAY!! but we're back in the "not talking too much" phase and it really irks me! I know that I am moving out of my current state that I live in... but I am leaning more towards Colorado rather than Virginia (where my bf lives) because my family live in CO and I would just feel very bad about moving to VA if my bf isn't so sure about me... I think I will just give him time. After my August visit, it'll be up to him if he wants to continue this or not. I'm done with putting in 90% and him only 10%. Otherwise... he gets all the time in the world to think... But take a step back girl... you're young!!! you have no kids I'm assuming... you got all the options in the world!! Always put into notion that: You should NEVER settle for less than you deserve... because the moment you do... you get even less than what you settled for! Take Care and best wishes!
Author Megolicious Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 Mma_J - Well in May I paid for our Prom tickets since he lives two hours away. On Prom night he was going to give me the money back. He tried giving it back to me, but I knew he was in a money situation so I told him to keep it. He didn't want to spend it since it was my money so he claimed it as "our" money and then said it could be for our "future children" if we ever got married for their college education. Exactly, I don't understand why he never told me he gave it to his parents. I don't mind that he did if they honestly really needed the money, but he could have told me about it before not like right when I ask him about it now to see if he could use it for our anniversary. Thats what I'm afraid of is learning that he doesn't want to be with me. Friends have been telling me that I need to tell him to straighten up his act or he is going to lose me. But I'm afraid of how his reaction is going to be. The mere thought of him shrugging me off and saying he doesn't care would kill my heart. He's already hurt me once from our first break up, I don't know if I could handle it twice. I think I'm just going to say no for our six months even though it will be really upsetting for me because I was really looking forward to it and now I have to cancel our appointment and try to get my shift at work back. If he decides to come next Friday then I guess we could do something then although it wouldn't exactly be the same. I really hope he isn't taking advantage of it. He really has been acting and treating me a lot differently than he used to. Maybe I should just give him a reality check by telling him Im close to leaving. Im just really scared ha cuz I love him so much =/ EMBeee - The sleeping patterns really do make it hard on a LD relationship. He definitely isn't depressed. At least I don't think he is. He explained it on just being exhausted and two days ago he was sick so he said his body shuts down and goes into sleep mode when he's sick to heal itself lol i don't really know. It makes me feel like he is extremely distant now and I don't like that feeling at all. I want to be close to him like we used to be. I'm starting to put a guard up too because I honestly don't want to be hurt either just like you, although this would be my second time getting hurt from him if it happens. I've been crying and letting out my emotions by myself so that way if something happens it won't hurt so much I hope =/ Yeah, I would definitely go with your family if he's been treating you like that. You don't want to go to Virginia and then be stuck there with absolutely nothing for yourself if he decides to get out of the relationship. Although your guy does sound like he's depressed and maybe you living closer to him would make him feel better and treat you better. This is my last year of high school. After that I planned on going to college two hours away from here which is where Matthew lives. Now he's thinking about joining the Coast Guard which will put more distance and probably more strain on our relationship.
mma_j Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 You should NEVER settle for less than you deserve... because the moment you do... you get even less than what you settled for! This is a GREAT motivational quote. Mego: Heartbreak is probably the worst pain I've ever been through. Reach out to all your friends. Believe me, people will be there for you. But don't fear it. There are couples that break up because one partner will not change. Low and behold, the dumped person goes out and changes into what that partner wanted, but now, is a much better person and realizes that he/she is better off! It's by going outside of our comfort zone that we grow. It's easier said than done, but I know you can do it!
Author Megolicious Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 Yeah, I know. Heartbreak feels worse than it really sounds. I found that out last month =/ I thought things would at least get better or continue on the same, but never would have thought it would decline. I have amazing friends who helped out when he broke up with me the first time. It was really hard for me to get through it, and I know its going to be even harder the second time if we can't get through this together. Stepping out of the comfort zone is extremely hard, but I've done it before in other situations and I'm still alive and kicking ha so I know I'd be able to handle it again! Thanks for both your listening and feed back. Its nice to talk to other people
Lucky_One Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Unless your BF's family is really really struggling, it is doubtful that $120 would be a large enough figure to help a family out. And again, unless they are really really struggling, most parents would pay their kid back the money. $120 is a lot of cash to a 16 year old - but isn't a drop in the bucket when it comes to paying monthly bills for a family. I suspect that he used this for other purposes. I would back off a bit on asking to see him, and see how long it takes before he is dying to see you. Not game-playing or withholding affection or ignoring his calls - but keeping busy with your friends, family and work, and being the same happy girl that he met and loved, and if he fits in with your life, then great. He sounds like he is cooling off from the R, and giving him some space to either realize he misses you (or that he doesn't miss you) might help.
Author Megolicious Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 I honestly have no idea. Some of my friends believe that he probably spent it on something else, but he has mentioned for awhile that his parents have been struggling financially. I guess $120 could have helped in some degree. I'm not totally sure. Yeah, I decided that I'm not even going to bother trying to get him to come down here on our six months. I think that if he wanted to be here bad enough he could have came up with something also. He doesn't call me anymore like he used to. He rarely even tells me he loves me anymore unless I'm the one that tells him then of course he'll reply that he loves me too. I think tonight or sometime this weekend me and him are going to have to have a serious conversation over the phone instead of through texting like we have been doing since he seems to never have time talk to me anymore. When we do talk on the phone he doesn't even give me 100% of his attention because a few of his friends got him into games again and he has it so that he can talk to other people on a mic so when I'm on the phone with him he listens to them as well and answers them every once in awhile. I think its rude in my opinion. I don't know if I should just end it completely or tell him that he needs to prove to me he wants to be with me by changing and straightening up his act or just end it now with me. Right now it doesn't even seem like he wants to be with me. He has made no effort with everything I have told him that has been bothering me so far. He just apologizes and that day things will be somewhat fine, then the next day, back to normal.
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