Lauriebell82 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 This doesn't have any impact on my life or anything I suppose I'm just curious about it. I also saw something in another post that I found interesting. Why do people get involved in friends with benefits (FWB) situations? Do they just not want a relationship? Do they just not care for the person? I've known a lot of people who have done this and I have no clue what the attraction is. Any opinions on the subject?
Tyra Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 People have FWB for different reasons. Some people don't like being in relationships/the commitment, so they just like to have sex. They don't want to get emotionally involved with that person. They could also already be in a relationship, and like to step out of the relationship every now and then. Me on the other, has never been interested in it. If I'm going to have sex with someone, it's gonna be my S.O.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Mostly the sex and experience, without the need to sit down and have a "talk". Just the average, once you're done, you're out the door, without having to pay for the service and contracting an std.
luvmy2ns Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 When I was going through a period of "NO RELATIONSHIPS, DAMMIT!" I opted for an FWB situation. What can I say? It had been almost 6 months and - well - I like sex. I had recently reconnected with this guy I hadn't seen in years. He called me one night, wanting me to come over after I'd been out with friends, and I told him I didn't want to get involved with anyone. He said he didn't either, and the FWB situation started. It didn't turn out good, though. He ended up wanting more, and unfortunately he got hurt. I felt pretty bad about that and decided I wouldn't go that route again.
Tyra Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Mostly the sex and experience, without the need to sit down and have a "talk". Just the average, once you're done, you're out the door, without having to pay for the service and contracting an std. You sure about the last statement you said?
xpaperxcutx Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 You sure about the last statement you said? I guess so. Well maybe gonarrhea or something. I meant less likeley. FWB just means less effort on having to impress the other person. It's just sex, sex, and more sex. No emotional attachments.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 When I was going through a period of "NO RELATIONSHIPS, DAMMIT!" I opted for an FWB situation. What can I say? It had been almost 6 months and - well - I like sex. I had recently reconnected with this guy I hadn't seen in years. He called me one night, wanting me to come over after I'd been out with friends, and I told him I didn't want to get involved with anyone. He said he didn't either, and the FWB situation started. It didn't turn out good, though. He ended up wanting more, and unfortunately he got hurt. I felt pretty bad about that and decided I wouldn't go that route again. This is kind of the reason why I've usually stayed away from the situation. I think it's rare that you can go on being FWB and nobody will EVER want more out of the situation. I really believe that it isn't really possible for two people to have continuous casual sex for a really long time without it turning into a complicated mess. It usually results in the couple either getting into a relationship or just ending it completely.
Tyra Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 This is kind of the reason why I've usually stayed away from the situation. I think it's rare that you can go on being FWB and nobody will EVER want more out of the situation. I really believe that it isn't really possible for two people to have continuous casual sex for a really long time without it turning into a complicated mess. It usually results in the couple either getting into a relationship or just ending it completely. An old friend of mine felt the same way. She ended it because she wanted more from all of that. Because in the end, she just felt like, basically,a piece of meat, on a day in and day out basis.
luvmy2ns Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 An old friend of mine felt the same way. She ended it because she wanted more from all of that. Because in the end, she just felt like, basically,a piece of meat, on a day in and day out basis. That's what my friend said. "What am I, just a piece of meat to you?" I felt really bad. I said, "I thought we were friends giving each other mutual pleasure." I mean, he would come over, and I'd cook him dinner sometimes or we'd go out for drinks. He played piano, and we would play music together. I just wouldn't have been able to live with him. We would have driven each other crazy! In the end, I wound up having to threaten him with the police, so now he's no longer my friend.
pandagirl Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 FWB CAN work in rare situations, but usually not. I had one that sort of worked out, but after awhile, I got bored and it felt meaningless and pointless so I ended it with no hard feelings on either party.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 That's what my friend said. "What am I, just a piece of meat to you?" I felt really bad. I said, "I thought we were friends giving each other mutual pleasure." I mean, he would come over, and I'd cook him dinner sometimes or we'd go out for drinks. He played piano, and we would play music together. I just wouldn't have been able to live with him. We would have driven each other crazy! In the end, I wound up having to threaten him with the police, so now he's no longer my friend. Hmmm, thats interesting because it sounds like you were sort of dating actually. Maybe just being FWB with no relationship pressure helps people get along better than if they are actually dating. However, in your situation it turned into something really bad. I'm sorry you guys aren't friends anymore that's really sad.
Star Gazer Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I've had one before, and had to stop as soon as I "caught" feelings. LOL I posted about this in another thread though: My roommate started a FWB relationship with a guy from her gym (an instructor) in January. She considered them "dating," but it was obvious it was just a FWB situation. I mean, he'd come over at 10pm and be gone by 1115pm under the pretense that he "had to feed his dog" (he too has a roommate that could easily feed the dog). Otherwise, she'd go over there, again for about an hour, and then he'd say something like, "Okay, I have to kick you out now," about 10 minutes after they were, um, finished. This was a weekly thing, maybe twice a week if she was lucky. She'd also post on MySpace bulletins - you know those cheesy surveys - things like, in response to a question, "Where's your BF/GF right now?" she'd literally say things like, "Well, I don't technically have a BF, but there's someone I want to be my BF, and he knows who he is, and I'm not available because he's already stolen my heart," and on and on. It was so sad to read, I literally cringed. But I kept my mouth shut. Two weeks ago, she spent a ton of money to do something for his birthday. So much money, in fact, that she had to back out of a girls' trip for this weekend because now she cannot afford it. Well, two nights ago, aparrently she laid her feelings out on the line, told him she wanted to have a real relationship with him, and he agreed. Well, actually, she told him that on Saturday and he wanted to think about it, and finally "agreed" with her on Monday. So anyway, my point is: Some people enter FWB relationships because they don't want strings. Generally speaking, I think those people are more likely to be men...like the guy my roommate is now with. On the other hand, some people accept a FWB situation because that's all they can get with the person they're really into. I'm telling you, my roommate knew what she had this entire time (just a FWB thing), but was holding on for dear life in the hopes that he'd come around and see that she was worth more than he was giving. Amazingly enough, he did just that. But I really, really think she's the exception to the rule.
luvmy2ns Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Hmmm, thats interesting because it sounds like you were sort of dating actually. Maybe just being FWB with no relationship pressure helps people get along better than if they are actually dating. However, in your situation it turned into something really bad. I'm sorry you guys aren't friends anymore that's really sad. No, we weren't dating. If I have a girlfriend come over and I cook her dinner or play music with her, are we dating too? lol I know, I know. My GF and I aren't "doing the deed," but I was very clear with him at the onset what the situation was going to be. But just because we were FWB didn't mean I wasn't going to be nice to him in other ways. He was my friend. He had no one else to cook him a nice meal, and we enjoyed playing music. And yeah. It sucks that we aren't friends any more.
lexi29 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I tried FWB before but we ended up dating. I think for me, at the time I wanted a relationship without the responsibilities of "answering to someone". It was pretty much as if we were in a relationship but without the label. We would talk on the phone every day, go out on dates, hang out at each other's house etc and neither of us were dating or sleeping with anyone else. The main reason I wanted to be FWB (the guy wanted more ironically) is so I could say we are just FWB I'm NOT your girlfriend! when he's always ask me to come over or hang out or go places with him or meet his friends and I didn't want to. Plus I liked the guaranteed sex every weekend. Now my guy friend did FWB with a girl that he is now living with. The FWB part was his idea and honestly I think she was so desperate to be with him she would agree to anything. I remember he just wanted to sleep with her once in awhile but she was always calling him crying with all this drama and trying to get him to be more meanwhile telling him all she wanted was FWB. I kept trying to tell him that this woman was obviously not FWB material and she wanted MUCH more and he didn't listen. Now he is living with her and sadly she is almost like his sugar mama- she pays the bills and it is her house and she desperately wants him to marry her and is trying to manipulate him into marriage. I don't feel sorry for either one of them anymore. But in this case FWB became more. He told me at the time he wanted to just be FWB because he didnt' consider her to be "relationship material" and that he didn't have time for a full blown relationship (he was in school and working) and he wanted to keep his options open. So those of some of the reasons a guy might want to do FWB.
jadedone Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 FWB rarely work? NEWS FLASH!! Relationships rarely last. The only difference is that at least one of the parties involved is being honest upfront about their feelings. FWB can be great. You get sex on a regular basis, without the hassle of having to make those daily phone calls, and other relationship responsibilities. Some people want regular sex with someone they are attracted to but only have a a few hours a weeks to spare.
luvmy2ns Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 FWB rarely work? NEWS FLASH!! Relationships rarely last. The only difference is that at least one of the parties involved is being honest upfront about their feelings. FWB can be great. You get sex on a regular basis, without the hassle of having to make those daily phone calls, and other relationship responsibilities. Some people want regular sex with someone they are attracted to but only have a a few hours a weeks to spare. I'm sure it CAN work, but in my case since it did NOT and the guy fell in love and it got seriously ugly, I'm never going there again.
shadowplay Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 FWBs are more about playing out a fantasy than anything else for me. They rarely last because the thrill is gone once the novelty has worn off. There are no feelings to sustain something longer. When I approach a relationship as FWB, it's rare that I develop feelings. If anything my feelings diminish after I've allayed my curiosity about what Guy X is like in bed. So much of it for me is the curiosity of seeing a guy I'm attracted to in an entirely different context. Hearing the sounds he makes, seeing the expressions on his face. Once I have that information and can file it away as happy memory, the fun is gone. Perhaps this is a stereotypically male way of looking at things. Why would anyone enter a FWB? Because there are people who you may be attracted but know you could never have a relationship with. Or you may be attracted to them but dislike them as a person. Another alternative is FWB is sort of a "lazy" relationship. I had a few of these my freshman and sophomore years of college. I liked having somebody around whom I could occasionally be intimate with, but didn't want the headache or stress of an official relationship.
vedderbetter Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 To be totally candid, I did the FWB thing once. And the reason I did it was because the guy in question was a complete Adonis - I mean an absolute golden god, the most physically beautiful man I have ever seen. However, he was also as dumb as a bag of rocks. I've had hamsters with higher IQs than this guy. I could barely stand to listen to him speak he was such an utter moron. So while my mind was completely bored and annoyed by him, the rest of me was giving a raging "hell yes!" - it was a compromise. I got to molest him whenever I wanted to and then just leave and not have to endure hours of pillow talk that consisted mostly of his workout schedule and the latest episode of COPS. It was AWESOME. But, the charm eventually wore off and I just stopped taking his calls. For a chick, I'm really a total guy when it comes to these things.
Lizzie60 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Mostly the sex and experience, without the need to sit down and have a "talk". Just the average, once you're done, you're out the door, without having to pay for the service and contracting an std. How does FWB relationships make it safe for STDs???
Lizzie60 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I'm all for friend$ with benefit$... otherwise they can just j8rk off..
imbewildered Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 $ = you are a prostitute? LIzzie likes to huff and puff and brag about her "sex life" and how she "did the pool guy" and so on. If you read between the lines, it is mainly wishful thinking on her part.
D-Lish Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 This is kind of the reason why I've usually stayed away from the situation. I think it's rare that you can go on being FWB and nobody will EVER want more out of the situation. I really believe that it isn't really possible for two people to have continuous casual sex for a really long time without it turning into a complicated mess. It usually results in the couple either getting into a relationship or just ending it completely. That's why you end it quickly. Something WILL develop on one end or the other- inevitably. I will let a FWB continue until I have a glimmer of attachment- then I will bolt without looking back. As soon as I feel something, I am out of there. I find that men get attached as well from these situations. But- why do we do it? For companionship, sexual satisfaction, ego boost, excitement. And personally- I do it on purpose with people I know I won't fall for. I do it when I am not ready to be a gf to someone. Usually, when I am getting over someone, or going through a hard time. I have been caught before- and have fallen in love with the FWB. I have stayed clear from getting involved like that since.
Ariadne Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 This doesn't have any impact on my life or anything I suppose I'm just curious about it. I also saw something in another post that I found interesting. Why do people get involved in friends with benefits (FWB) situations? Do they just not want a relationship? Do they just not care for the person? I've known a lot of people who have done this and I have no clue what the attraction is. Any opinions on the subject? The last time I got involved in a FWB deal, was right when Denver guy got engaged with his ex gf. I was pretty bummed about that and the FWB guy was fun to be with, cheerful, and sensual. He was nice to me and it served as a distraction. I didn't love him or anything like that though.
KinAZ Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 In theory, you're supposed to be able to have one of those without all the hassles of a relationship. I managed one for awhile, but... it started to turn relationshipy. In my situation, it was an ex who I cared for and trusted to a certain extent, but I just couldn't take him seriously anymore. Been there, done that. No point in looking for anything new when he's... right there, we're used to one another, etc etc. That level of care and respect for us was mutual. I didn't not have time for a relationship, but it just wasn't necessary for me. I saw no real prospects, and as jadedone mentioned... lol... I wanted the regular sex. I still talked to other guys and such, went out etc,... and it was great for me till things became complicated.
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