iwanttolive Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I've had 4. Three of them broke up with me. One I broke up with him. Do you feel like a failure? Why is it that some people are able to date only once to find the 'right one'?
Tyra Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I had 2 break ups. Never once did I feel like a failure. Them on the other hand, were the failures. Some people do date once to find that one. I never understood it though.
Lauriebell82 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I've had 4. Three of them broke up with me. One I broke up with him. Do you feel like a failure? Why is it that some people are able to date only once to find the 'right one'? I've had a bunch of breakups (probably like 8 if you count short term 2-3 relationships). As far as really serious relationships in which I was in love it was 4. I broke up with 2 of them, the other 2 broke up with me. All 4 of them hurt me like hell. I didn't feel like a failure, but I was crushed after all of them, even the ones that I ended myself. (I actually ended them, not because I didn't love them, but because I felt that we were too different). I have absolutely no idea how people are able to date once and find the "right one." I would bet a lot of those relationships would end in divorce. If they actually work out then they got REAL lucky.
sfsassy Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I've had two major breakups, aand about 4 or 5 smaller ones. My last major broke up wth me and was cruel, so I felt like a failure All the others were my doing, and I felt too good for a few of them, and just that we weren't a right fit for others.
Keridan Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I've had my share (maybe 15-20 counting relationships of a couple weeks or more). My wife, by contrast, has only dated me. I think it just has a lot to do with random chance and how your personality mixes with the people you meet. If losing a relationship makes you a failure, then there is only like .00001% of the population that could be considered successful.
justaman99 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I've had two and in the end they broke up with me. The first one was tough but it was the right thing to do. I wasn't putting enough into the relationship because mentally I was dealing with other things in my life. She was a good girl. She treated me well but I couldn't commit fully emotionally. I learned a lot about myself then and we are friends today which is cool. The last one was brutal. I put in so much of myself emotionally, physically and so forth but was treated like ****. She had serious anger problems and took a lot of stuff out on me. She would talk down to me and belittle me. Half the time I doubt she even knew what she was saying. I know she had a rough past, she was cheated on I think, and guys took her outbursts in a reactionary way by calling her crazy and bitch and all that ****. I loved her still but this behavior caused me to withdraw. She broke it off with me because of this and it was probably for the best. I am better now but the damage she did to my character and self esteem is still recovering. For some reason I still wish her well and I really hope she can find some help. If she didn't break up with me I wouldn't have realized some of my own faults and I appreciate that. Even in the face of conflict I still need to talk and not stay silent. She really broke up with me because she had a new opportunity in her back pocket. I know she'll repeat the same mistakes and be alone again. It's what happened before me, with me and will happen after me if she doesn't take a time out and look. I felt like a failure in my last break up. I felt like I should have found a way through the tension but the feeling of being a failure is where she wants me to be. Things were always my fault, the fighting always ended up being my fault so naturally over this constant I started to think it was all my fault. Looking back on it I was very good to her. I never talked down to her like she did me, I went out of my way to support her in all aspects of her life and it just wasn't enough. I learned a lot in both relationships. The only opportunity for me to realize my own faults is to be in the situation or in this case a relationship to discover them. Yes I wish I could have learned while in the relationship but sometimes that isn't possible. Sometimes you can only get clarity of yourself and your ex when you are apart. So I am grateful for both relationships. I still hurt on some level from the last one but that will go away in time and I will be better prepared for someone else and my communication will be better as well. So in short the root feelings are never a failure. You learn from these experiences and that can only lead to a better chance of success and growing as a person independently. -Just
sporadic_moods Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 Lauriebell.. how did you cope after breaking up with those that were just "too different"? My bf and I broke up earlier this week for that reason.... and I keep thinking about him... his humor, his warm hugs, the cologne he wears... how did you get through it?
beautifullove Posted August 2, 2008 Posted August 2, 2008 Since I've had time to look back and reflect on my life, and can partially blame myself for making bad choices, but I also use the opportunity to look within, and see areas of my character that I can improve, so that when I'm with Mr. Right, I will be ready. I know just who my Mr. Right is,and when I get over this break up, and settle my divorce, I'm going to get him, because I know he's been waiting for me. Oh! 4 major break-ups.
Potatocakes Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I've only had two break ups from serious relationships but I'm fairly young. Probably won't have many more in my life time (ones that really hurt anyway) I'm usually happier on my own and dont feel the need for a partner. The first was my 'first' and we were attached at the hip for a little over a year, I didnt feel like a failure I knew what went wrong and I hated him for it. The second was with the father of my son, we're actually trying to work things out but I dont know if there is even a future anymore between us.
extraordinarymachine Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 three major ones, two other less-serious ones. all motivated by the other partner, not me. don't even get me started on my "always the dumpee" complex, YIKES.
sedgwick Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I've had five major ones, and I'm 37. (I'm not counting the flings that lasted for a short time and then we decided to go our separate ways.) They are as follows: #1. Stephen I was 23. He was my first real love. We were together off and on for about a year. He broke up with me but we kept sleeping together (bad idea.) It took me a LONG time to get over him, but I saw him again a couple of years ago and had NO attraction to him. I thought he was arrogant and boorish, and he hadn't aged so well physically. #2. Glenn We were married for 6 years, broke up when I was 30. (Did I marry him in an attempt to get over my ex? Yes. Did it work? No.) It wasn't all that hard on either of us; we had been fighting and discussing splitting up for quite some time. Interestingly, we are now best friends. I have more in common with him than I ever have with anybody, but we just didn't work as a couple. Breakup was mutual, though I was the one who finally initiated it. #3. Greg Rebound from my marriage. Started seeing him when my H and I were separated. Together for 5 months. Much drama. Thought I loved him but looking back I realize it was mostly physical. He broke up with me. #4. Stephen 2 Together for 3 years. Met him about 6 months after the previous breakup. Awesome guy. I broke up because it was LD and I couldn't handle it anymore, but we're still friends. #5. Jason Charming but abusive d*ckhead. Together 6 months. He broke up with me. Thought I was in love with him, took about a year to get over him. Really I just needed time to figure out that despite the charm and magnetism, he was really really mean to women. VERY glad to be rid of him and have no desire to ever speak to him again. Would not be upset if I heard he'd fallen off a tall building or been eaten by sharks. #6. Joe The one I'm still trying to get over. He broke up with me. We were together for a year. Of all of these, he and the first one were the ones who broke my heart the most. I really really wanted to spend the rest of my life with this guy. I hope someday I meet the one who will finally be the last, and who WON'T break my heart.
borelandkaren Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I've had 4 major breakups btwn 17 and 42. I've always left. Why? Because I ALWAYS pick the wrong guy. Why? I had issues. U know what? I don't believe I have issues (not too many anyway) anymore and I can't honestly see that I'll ever have a deep involvement with anyone again. And I don't think I'll ever pick the wrong guy again, either. I'd like to have sex again one day, though!!!:lmao:
Lyssa Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 2 major break ups and I didn't feel like a failure. Every break up made me want to be a better partner for the next one... so I always see it as a good thing.
Ally Boo Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 I've had 3 major break ups and I'd say 3 other significant ones. I actually broke up with all but one of them. I have had impeccible taste in bad guys. lol Well, the first one wasn't that bad in general, but we weren't good for each other. They actually all asked me to marry them too... all but the one that broke up with me. Weird.
motive2002 Posted August 4, 2008 Posted August 4, 2008 Too many to count. Shelly, Becky, Tabetha, Jennifer, Joanne, Valerie, Kim, Jennifer (another one), Patty, Robin, Amy, Molly, Teresa, Jennifer (yes, another one), Crystal, Jaimie, Penelope, Krista, and now another Kim. Lemme tally up the dumpers vs the dumpees. Dumped - 11 Dumped by - 8 I guess I'm ahead? Or is it behind? I think there might be one or two missing from that list. 19 girlfriends in the span of 20 years. This doesn't count dates, one night stands or FWB's. Holy crap! I never sat and thought it through before. I feel like such a man-whore lol!
Beaches Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 I've had a few, maybe about 5. Each have tought me what it is I like and don't like in a man. I had one really bad relationship and it lasted longer than I wish it would have but I learned so much about myself. I feel each relationshp I went through brought me closer to the "one". I was able to grow as a person. I'm getting married in a few months and it's because of those relationships I knew what I wanted and that he was the one. It just feels different and I never believed in the saying "when you know you know" but I do now.
sultry33 Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 mark/1 year/ dumped him jason was with for 3 years / dumped him adrian 2 years/ dumped him trevor 6 months dumped him alfredo 2 months dumped him steve 3 years/ 1st real love.. / dumped him.. although was cannot live with or without rs mike 6 months/ dumped him sean 6 years... mainly as a friend/ dumped him paul 2 years of an on../ dumped him another paul 1 month rs... 2 years fwb... til i dumped him michael 6 months dumped him dunkan.. 6 months/ dumped him chico 3 months dumped him kriss... nearly 4yrs love him to bits.. my ex now/ dumped me anyone see a pattern? had about 6 one night stands inbetween relationships...
roghornio Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 5 between 3 & 8 months 4 under 3 months. at least 15 under a couple weeks. Dumped 3 times - I dumped the rest. 2 of those 3 i would say were probably my perfect woman. not evry often you meet those
Lookingforward Posted August 5, 2008 Posted August 5, 2008 Too many to count. Shelly, Becky, Tabetha, Jennifer, Joanne, Valerie, Kim, Jennifer (another one), Patty, Robin, Amy, Molly, Teresa, Jennifer (yes, another one), Crystal, Jaimie, Penelope, Krista, and now another Kim. Lemme tally up the dumpers vs the dumpees. Dumped - 11 Dumped by - 8 I guess I'm ahead? Or is it behind? I think there might be one or two missing from that list. 19 girlfriends in the span of 20 years. This doesn't count dates, one night stands or FWB's. Holy crap! I never sat and thought it through before. I feel like such a man-whore lol! lol not a good track record ya think? Never mind, makes me feel better about my count anyway at least I had a couple of LTR - like 10 years, 13 years, 6 years in the mix - they're the only ones I actually "count", the rest I wouldn't even remember their names unless I really, really thought about it which I don't care to. Funny thing is...the last one was LDR then a very short period together - 6 months in all and over a year later I'm still in misery - so one of the shortest hit me the hardest.
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