Gala Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 Well, I'll start my answer by saying it's been a very, very long time since this happened...so I'll have to unpack a bit! We had fallen head over heels, and had a relationship about as long as yours. I had been in relationships for over 5 years straight, and had been beginning to get my bearings for a few months when we met. Why he pulled away has a couple of levels of answer. He expressed some real trepidation about the intensity of my sexuality - even though we were equally intense w/ea. other. He didn't always do this in a positive manner (though always an intellectual one!), and made it seem like a class issue. He was an Ivy League boy, and it seemed like he was trying to make sure that his parents approved of whoever he was with. He dumped me for a really plain grad student in social welfare, and this fit a pattern. He'd even said once that he was used to being the pretty one, and it so didn't compute with anything I'd have thought that I didn't know what to do with it! (Besides - even though he was handsome, he wasn't that pretty.) He moved in with this poor girl within a month, then dumped her six months later. I'd have had no desire to move in with him right then, and fortunately got validation from guy friends of his who were my friends, too. They also understood that I wouldn't allow someone to manipulate me. He ultimately married a woman from the same college he'd attended, and oddly they live probably two miles from me. I've lived away from here for part of the time, but even in nine years back I haven't run into them - thank God. It did finally occur to me many years on that he was probably struggling with some latent homosexuality/bisexuality issues, and I think he was using class as a way to protect himself from having to look at this. I also think this was why sexual intensity threatened him. For the record, I tried to be friends with him afterward - and it just didn't work. Something else I realized down the road is that he the woman he married has probably had to deal with his mercurial moods. Your architect most likely is not dealing with all this other baggage, but may show that tendency. I hope that all this has been helpful, and good luck! - G
inulg Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 i used to feel that way about my ex... till i started dating again... after being treated... so... AMAZINGLY by someone else... realizing, that just for me, when i finally started to see my ex as ugly on the inside... on the outside he started to look ugly... You start to feel disgust, no matter how beautiful/handsome the other is... i think thats a sign you're well on you're way... you're probably not over him yet. i'm pretty sure it'll go away. and you'll eventually tell stories about him to others starting off explaining how gorgious he was, and then ending with how horrible they turned out to be thats how it went for me at least...
nopainnogain Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 When she fooled with my best friend When she blew her co worker 2 times (probably more) When she didnt give a .... after I found out
sunshinegirl Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 i used to feel that way about my ex... till i started dating again... after being treated... so... AMAZINGLY by someone else... realizing, that just for me, when i finally started to see my ex as ugly on the inside... on the outside he started to look ugly... You start to feel disgust, no matter how beautiful/handsome the other is... i think thats a sign you're well on you're way... you're probably not over him yet. i'm pretty sure it'll go away. and you'll eventually tell stories about him to others starting off explaining how gorgious he was, and then ending with how horrible they turned out to be thats how it went for me at least... This is probably what it will take for me. Unfortunately I still see him as attractive, as the "poor hurting divorcee" instead of as closed off, selfish, and shallow, largely by his own choices and decisions.
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