julkat Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 After a 20 year LTR I started dating again. In April I met a man with whom I clicked so amazingly well. We have been almost inseparable since - together about 4 days each week, mostly at my place because I have kids and sometimes at his place. We have talked about moving in together, marriage, etc. He is used to being alone a lot and goes home by himself at least 2 days a week. He left my place on Monday morning and never called all day or answered his phone. The plan was for me to go to his place last night, so I called yesterday and he asked me what time I was coming, etc. Everything seemed good. (By the way, I am going through a divorce and he's got one to do also. We have both been separated for about a year. He has been helping me close a business I have with my ex, who doesn't come around) Anyway, last night when I arrived at his place he was sitting outside with his two neighbours and they were all having beers and talking. I have met them before. About an hour after I arrived he told me that he doesn't want to go on a trip we have planned for next week because he's uncomfortable meeting my friends (one of whom is also my ex's cousin but married to my best friend). Then he said that he really loves being in his own place and might not sell it after all but stay there. He mentioned a motorcycle ride I'm scheduled to attend in August with some of his friends' wives, and said that no matter what happens he wants me to go on the ride anyway because I will have fun. He also said that he would like to stay home this week and will come to my house on Friday instead of today. He said all of this in front of his friends and I didn't know quite how to react - I ended up in the bathroom crying but he didn't know this. He ended up going in his house around 2am and falling asleep on the couch. I went home because I didn't feel like I should stay since he didn't stay up to be with me or say he was going to sleep. I don't know if I should call today and see what the heck happened yesterday, or if I should be taking his cues and understanding that he has changed his mind about being with me, and give him some space to sort himself out and then call me. Did we get too heavy to fast? Is he pulling away for a bit or for good? Not sure what to do and would appreciate any responses.
Peter_pan Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 give him space and see how the land lies/ think carefully if YOU actually want to marry this man x
carhill Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Alone time might do both of you good, as there likely are still issues ahead for each of you with your upcoming D's. Superficially, guessing age (late 30's-early 40's), I'd say things likely progressed a bit to fast for him, especially if he had a long M as well. 3 months and talking about M already? Assuming you haven't known this man for a long time ("met in April"), IMO it's better to continue to casually date and show support for each other through the D process. Then see how you feel about each other.
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