confused999 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 NC by me but what is he doing? So he said, during our last texts over 1 week ago, that he is being mean to me because he wants me to leave him. I still asked him to come by, he said ok, then was too high, then was too tired... That was Saturday night. So I haven't contacted him since then. He txted me Thurs with some weird question about my work. I didn't answer. He texted me Sat night "are you ok?"... I didn't answer. Texted me Sunday with "at least you could do is answer that you got my texts" What do I do now? So we texted back and forth last night and he eventually came out and said that I should know he hooked up with someone last week, but that he was thinking of me before, during, and after, and wished he was with me. I did not freak out, I calmly asked why are you telling me this? He said because he wants forgiveness. I said you want forgiveness for cheating on me? He said he didn't cheat, he thought we were broken up...I said oh, you could've informed me we were broken up.. that kind of thing, I focused on that instead of letting him think his cheating got to me, because I think he was trying to get some dramatic rise out of me. He ended our texts by saying he thought I'd be complimented by the fact he was thinking of me and wished he was with me instead of her. WTF???? What do I do NOW? I don't even necessarily believe him, that he cheated, but does that matter?
Tyra Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I would just leave this guy alone. That's crazy for him to think that the two of you are broken up, without you even knowing about it. It doesn't even matter that, like he said, you should be complimented by the fact that he was thinking about you, and so on. That's not the point. The bottom line was that he cheated on you. Who is to say that if the two of you get back together, he'll do this again, and his excuse will be, " I thought we broke up". So the decision is up to you.
kate0977 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 You deserve better! You're right when you recognize he just wants to get at you. All men do it, the key is, is to not let yourself become the weak one. I just broke up and somehow, everything is turned around on me. I'm in the position where I look to him for answers, and by trying to contact him, I give him power. You need to put yourself first and move one. If it's meant to be, he'll straigten out. By ignoring him, he can reflect on what he's doing and maybe come around.
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 This guy is totally playing games with you. Yes, you love him, but is he long term boyfriend material? Judging by his actions and the way he treats you, he isn't. This guy is selfish, immature and has NO clue about giving and compromising.
Author confused999 Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 I think this is some kind of test, he's trying to see if I'll take him back even though I know he cheated (and so whether or not he actually did is a moot point). So I guess I can't take him back, that would tell him it's ok. But of course I want to be with him, so how do I handle this?
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Why do you want to be with him? Before he started acting like a goof, how was your relationship? How long have you two been together as a couple? If you want to be with him, then HE needs to prove himself to you, not the other way around. Until that happens and he shows genuine remorse, don't even entertain any thoughts of taking him back.
Author confused999 Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 We've been dating for a couple months shy of 2 years, exclusive for a year. Our relationship has been wonderful, which is why this is so strange to me. His being all flaky is new, his saying totally mean things is new, and this crap about sleeping with someone is f-ing outrageous! I guess I have to ignore him, not let him get away with treating me like this. Does he want to break up but is too whimpy to do it maturely? I'm concerned about him because he gets in depressive cycles, and even his family recently was worried he's "spiraling down," which I've not seen before, but maybe this is it?
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I'm concerned about him because he gets in depressive cycles, and even his family recently was worried he's "spiraling down," which I've not seen before, but maybe this is it? OK, this makes abit of sense now...If he has depression and it comes in cycles, then his mindset isn't quite right - Meaning, his negative thoughts is making him reject those closest to him. Some push others away, especially when depressed. He doesn't want anyone to see him when he's down. Is he seeking therapy and/or on any medications for his depression?
Author confused999 Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 He's not seeking therapy and he might me taking some meds that he used to take in the past, but I'm not sure. He has started to self-medicate with coke though, and drinking more than usual. I just don't know what to do, I don't like being treated this way but I don't want to abandon him if it's about his depression and not directly about our relationship. Help?
justaman99 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 This guy may be depressed but you have to watch out for yourself. Those that are depressed and angry seek control and reaction from those that are or were close to them. If they can't be happy they want others to know and to bring them down also. You need to let this guy go. Just the idea that you're supposed to feel happy because he was thinking about you while telling you he cheated on you is absolutely twisted. I am all for helping those that you love or care about but sometimes that means leaving them alone to deal with it themselves. -Just
justaman99 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 You do what is the hardest which is nothing. Not to be a preacher type but the right things to do in life are generally not easy. -Just
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