wierdmunky Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I don't know why, but I tend to distance myself from potential friends when they start to get close, but I don't like the fact that I might get unnoticed and because I always get the "be careful about the quiet ones" remark, I try to put myself out there so I feel a little bit normal and act like I'm not some sociopath because I'm so quiet. But I feel really out of my element when I do that, like is that really who I am, but I know its rude not to say hello to new ppl, so I try to be the nicest and seem interested on getting to know ppl, but I know that ppl aren't interested in BS, they want to really get to know you, and chill and hang out and just have a good time with everyone, so I feel fake. Plus at the end of the night I can't remember half of what I've learned from ppl or their names. I don't particularly enjoy it either. Maybe thats why I feel fake but I'm just so aware of other ppls feelings, afraid to say something wrong, its annoying because I know I can't meet every1's approval.. but I can't figure out how to connect at all. It's like if I'm not working or seeing a common goal about anything, I can't just like hang out. I feel so retarded because I can't let my guard down for anything, and I don't want to come across and just cold aloof and not funny or uninteresting to my bf's friends, not that I care what they think but I don't want it to bother him. I guess right now I'm just really introverted, really comfortable in my crab shell, I feel like I don't relate to what everyone talks about lately either and have no input in it whatsoever so it makes me feel dumb that I don't even have my 2 cents to say about whatever topic it is that everyone is into that I can't seem to catch! I don't want to come across as a snob, I'm just never comfortable. I don't want to feel the "who brought THAT girl" stares.
LonePoster Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Heh, I feel the same way. It really sucks, and is one of the main reasons I act like a dick. It's almost like I'm hiding my quiet self and my true self to be noticed. I tend to act like this more when I'm becoming closer friends with someone like I'm affraid of it maybe? I don't know but whatever it is, it sucks. I wish I knew people who were like it (And knew they were like it not just see them how people would see me ) Edit- Oh and Monkey's are mad XD
Suiyobi Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 I'm still in the process of building my self-confidence but I feel the same way. And I'll admit, I am an introvert and whenever I'm with people I end up putting some fake image of myself. It's not that I want to, it's more like a reflex that just happens. It's a long and tedious process to break out of our shells but if we're ever gonna hope to make it in life we're gonna have to try hard and commit ourselves. We can't remain single forever, you know, lol. At least, in my opinion, I can't bear to imagine living alone forever since I already know what that feels like, and frankly it's depressing...
georgejungle Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 I've felt that way as a dude, and at times will STILL feel that way in crowds. I like to have fun, but i'm not a party person. I've felt fake before too in the past but learned that just being yourself is the best method AND i've also learned that even the most outgoing people have flaws and insecurities too. Some people try too hard. It's best to just be yourself and not worry too much about being liked by others. Again, as i've said before, our brains mess with us too much... That's why we try too hard to be comfortable and we end up not listening to the other person and therefore, forget their names and such, like you said. That was hard for me, because i was never interested in what other people were talking about half the time. i LOVE movies, but dudes we're talking about sports or cars, two things i couldn't care less about. So i'd end up being the quiet one in the corner. We can't all be social butterflies. Half of them aren't really confident, but just talk because they are nervous. Some people can talk for days. Maybe be happy that you're not like that. I'm not conceited about it, but I decided a few years ago that i'm just simply a nice quiet person. I'll talk when it's something i'm passionate about but if it doesn't interest me, i'll just chill and Just kick back and relax and enjoy the atomsphere with a smile. Let others come up to me. Play it cool. Don't feel the need to be anything but what YOU are. Oh Yeah...And re: the "Be careful about the Quiet ones" remarks... Those are people who are threatened by shy or quiet people. It makes them nervous, so they have to bring it up and address it. I think it's rude even though they may not know they're being rude. It's also rude to call someone out in a crowd as "SHY". "Oh she's so quiet".. I Hate That. It's only because it makes them nervous, but that's their own problem.
Author wierdmunky Posted July 30, 2008 Author Posted July 30, 2008 Thanks for the input, makes me feel better than I'm not completely a lone and not just a social outcast lol. I DO have a tiny group of friends, one really good best friend since forever, its just been difficult lately. Plus I work in a restaurant and your always supposed to have to go get em attitude all the time which is not a bad thing, I kind of threw myself into working with a lot of people just so I would get used to the fact. Kind of made me a little more irritable ironically. But its not like quiet people don't have anything to offer which I feel like quiet people get all the time.
georgejungle Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 I was quiet and shy all the time in high school. So in college i deliberately took classes like Improv for Theatre and public speaking so i could break out of my shell. It helped a little. I'm a lot better now, but i think people, friends and peers think of me as quirky if they know me, because of the things i like to talk about like movies, music, art, etc. I don't do well talking sports, politics, cars, etc so that's when i'm quiet. We're just the way we are.
TooLittleTooLate Posted August 1, 2008 Posted August 1, 2008 I can relate. Iv been a massive loner all of my life (tooooo much video games and completely clueless parents. men should have to take a knowledge test before their even allowed to dick another chick) and now I find myself emotionally cut off from the rest of the human race. Theres a lot more to it, but I find myself wearing a mask in almost every social situation. Im not myself. I dont know who "myself" really is. I just semi-pretend to be someone that the person i admire might like just to get their approval so i would feel good after. its all fleeting of course because the person dosent genuinely like "you", he likes your oscar-performance acting job, and when they find out that youve been faking it, all respect they might have gained form you goes right out the window and they see right through you. I think its so important to find out who you really are. have preferences and think about what things mean to you and why. That way when you present your real face and someone dosent like you, thats their problem, not because you suck at acting.
Author wierdmunky Posted August 2, 2008 Author Posted August 2, 2008 Its so hard in the dating scene too since I'm not one to blab about things that I like and know, I start feeling that I'll I'm doing is talking about myself. But if ppl are your true friends then I guess they would enjoy your company anyway and I shouldn't be worrying on how I'm acting, and just have fun.
citizen67 Posted August 3, 2008 Posted August 3, 2008 For me, I'm realizing that its a fear of intimacy that makes me very guarded. I'm safe but oh so lonely
Author wierdmunky Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 Suiyobi - I'm still in the process of building my self-confidence but I feel the same way. And I'll admit, I am an introvert and whenever I'm with people I end up putting some fake image of myself. It's not that I want to, it's more like a reflex that just happens. It's a long and tedious process to break out of our shells but if we're ever gonna hope to make it in life we're gonna have to try hard and commit ourselves. We can't remain single forever, you know, lol. At least, in my opinion, I can't bear to imagine living alone forever since I already know what that feels like, and frankly it's depressing... I understand the reflex thing. For me when I try to stop myself from acting that way, its just really hard to stop doing things out of your normal way even when you know you want to change it. Sometimes you don't even have time to think about it. citizen67 - For me, I'm realizing that its a fear of intimacy that makes me very guarded. I'm safe but oh so lonely The fear gets me every time. I think I'm scared of everything. If I could break free from it, Id probably be a lot better off but I feel like I'd be in too delicate of situations to try things like that at, like my boyfriends house with his family... or in the restaurant where I work at. george - I was quiet and shy all the time in high school. So in college i deliberately took classes like Improv for Theatre and public speaking so i could break out of my shell. It helped a little. I'm a lot better now, but i think people, friends and peers think of me as quirky if they know me, because of the things i like to talk about like movies, music, art, etc. I don't do well talking sports, politics, cars, etc so that's when i'm quiet. We're just the way we are. Well I'm happy that improv helped! A lot of people around here love talking movies, music, and art. Actually most people around me love checking out their fav artists in concerts, my friend at work actually continues to see whoever is at that same venue just to see any new bands he likes.
beautifulearth83 Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I would just perhaps try to see the humor in things instead of seeing all the conversation as this big serious thing like it's a competitive sport that you're not performing well in. It's ok to be quiet. Just make sure you laugh a little because you deserve it. Take a chance and say how you feel. Don't break your back and tense yourself up trying to follow what everyone is saying. Just be yourself.
Author wierdmunky Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 I can't ^ I have this block that I can't let myself go and really experience things. I'm too caught up in trying to be perfect, it's taking a toll on everything.
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