Worried7 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Hey I haven't posted here in a very long time..but my background story of the love of my life is this. We both live in other states and had to fly to see eachother. We met online. I instantly fell in love with him..and at a young age. I had just turned 16 years old. He was 19. Same birthday, too. Everything seemed to be going wonderfully..and for the most part it did. We met 2 months after we met online. About 6 months later, he gave me a promise ring, and gave a promise that he would love to spend the rest of his life with me. I was very innocently in love with him and my whole world was wrapped around him and I was elated. All I could talk about was him and wanting to be with him. I thought it was the same for him. Until a year and a half later when I found out during the first 3 months of our relationship, he was having sex with another girl..the one he said was "just a friend". He cried while telling me and said how sorry he is and said he hasn't cheated since. So since I loved him, I forgave him. I held a grudge for a while because it was very hard to get over because their little thing wasn't just a fling..it was a full-blown going on dates, meeting eachother's parents, etc . sort of thing. So I move on from that and everything is hunky-dory..until about another year later when I found out he may have cheated on me at spring break about a year and a half earlier. When asked about it he said he was talking to a girl there and asked to kiss her but never did and that was that. Bull! His guy friends were the ones hinting around to me about it..and said there was/were another girl(s). They were very drunk, that's why it was brought up in the first place. So anyway, after that it was just very very hard to trust him. Because not only that had happened he also had gone to parties behind my back, had done drugs behind my back, and who knows what else. He desperately wanted me to put this all behind us..and eventually I did. Because I realized it was in the past. So that was that. I figured he was just going through his wild party college days and then eventually realized that it was time to settle down with a great girl and he didn't want to lose me. So another two years go by and during that time everything in our relationship seemed to be going amazingly wonderful. Nearly perfect. We took trips to the ocean together and it was just heaven. We were planning on getting engaged when he was to graduate about 6 months into the future. It was all planned out. His parents loved me and mine loved him. We were so happy together. And then the worst possible thing that could have ever happen, happened. Another wierd, shady moment occured.. and at the time with a broken foundation in our relationship this was the worst. It involved a friend of his who liked to party that he hung out with all the time. I won't go into detail because that is a whole other story. I didn't know exactly what happened. I wasn't sure. But being in the situation that I was about to get married, I did not want to have to deal with this. I was angry..and sad. I told him about it and said I think we need to take a break. So we did. I was starting college, my freshman year.. so I needed to focus on school. He was heartbroken. Devastated. As was I. It was horrible. But like I said, why marry someone you cannot trust? With the divorce rates like they are, why risk it. Anyway, at one point we got into a huge fight. This time, it was over me hanging out with a guy friend at school. This guy friend and I were just good friends..nothing more. So I got fed up and broke up with him. I couldn't stand the fact that he cheated on me, I forgave him many many times and yet he gets mad when I even try to hang out with a guy as a friend? Especially considering I never cheated or even thought about it ONCE! For those next few months, I was relieved. Relieved from never having to deal with questions anymore..no more stress. At the same time, I was also heartbroken that I had to live without him. But for some reason, I always had the feeling it would come to that. Meanwhile, he couldn't eat or sleep and could barely make it to class without crying. He was so depressed and lost. So fast forward to today. He moved up here about 3 months ago..despite us breaking up. He said he wanted to be my best friend..though he still says he is in love with me and has stayed over on many occasions. He still holds me and kisses me. Basically, it's everything but having a relationship label on it. I told him NOT TO MOVE UP HERE. I knew it would come to this. This heartbreak of us not being together, but still longing to more than ever. He has even talked about dating other people..after moving up here and making me fall in love again! I can't believe that..and I'm furious!! How can he move up here and do that!? Especially after I told him not to. He says he still wants me more than anything..but doesn't ever want to be in a relationship with me ever again because he doesn't want to get hurt again. So now I'm questioning everything. Did I make a mistake breaking it off? At the time I didn't think so..but now that he's in my life again, it's so hard not wanting him for the rest of my life. He does make me happy. But it's soo complicated. I hate living life wondering what might have been..and I hate wondering if I made a mistake. And I hate wondering if I'm going to be regretting losing him for the rest of my life..and I hate the fact that he broke my heart..and moved up here and is breaking it again. Whether he realizes it or not. Please just answer this question..if he really wanted me, wouldn't he take me when he had the chance? Because since he's been up here I've told him I may like to give us another try..and he said he doesn't want to be in a relationship. I'm so hurt. Probably even more than he ever could fathom. I also hate watching him being chased constantly by other women. He's a very handsome young man to say the least. Not that I would call myself a dog, it goes both ways. But I see how other girls look at him..and he's got a great job now and seems level-headed. And now I've been manipulated into thinking maybe all of this is somehow my fault, too..did I lose a great guy? Or was I right? I know that was long! Please forgive me for that..Thankyou in advance for replying. Thankyou for your time. Maybe someone out there can relate to losing a first love and wondering if it's a mistake..or if it was just that he wasn't supposed to be the last.
HisLove Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 No you didn't make a mistake. The guy appears to be a serial cheater. And this is when he loves you and things are going well. What happens when things are rocky or crappy for a while? By then you may have children in the mix and be financially tied together. You've spent so much time on this guy that you're missing somebody wonderful out there who will treasure you, not sleep around on you multiple times or mess with your head. Kick this creep to the kerb.
Author Worried7 Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 Thanks so much for replying! Great advice. Thanks the the input. =)
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