Is it a disadvantage being an Asian woman?

[Sks]

Normally you want to stay within your race, something fairly unusual has to have happened or unique circumstances must be present in order for a person not to wish to stay within their own race.

[Crazy.S]

I feel like I am going to get flamed for this, but I have never dated an Asian guy, and I'm not really attracted to them. NOW, I think Asian men ARE attractive, but there are a couple reasons why:

 

1. I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood, where I was one of maybe four Asian kids in my elementary school. I think as a young child, I associated all asian people with my family and that got imprinted in my somehow, so when I got older, I didn't find Asian men sexually appealing.

 

2. Stereotypically, I don't find Asian men to be into the same thing I am: indie music, foreign films, art, etc.

 

Ok so you are facing some stereotypes, but who isn't? Worst of all you are stereotyping Asian men. I happen to be Asian, and I like indie films, indie rock, foreign films, art, etc. Actually I am an artist and no I am nothing like the stereotypes. You of all people should know that most of it is not true. You shouldn't be sulking over some failed relationships and blaming it on your race. Seriously be proud of who you are and don't give up. On the other note, I don't find it hard to find girls, maybe because I don't really have a preference besides being pretty/smart/funny.

[Sylky]

Very interesting comments, I'm an Australian Chinese female - born and bred in Australia, my parents are Malaysian Chinese. I've never been with an Asian guy because I don't really find them attractive as I am tall and prefer the guys that I date to be taller than me and they are generally shorter.

 

I totally disagree with BlueEyedGirl regarding the comments about Asian girls are with unattractive males, it must be different over her in Australia because you'll usually see a very pretty asian girl with a very hot caucasian guy.

 

Not basing everything on looks, but I have been the envy of all my friends and people around me by the guys I date. There have been some serious relationships and some flings, but would have to say all the guys have been extremely good looking.

 

Maybe Panda Girl needs to move out to Australia?!

[stillafool]

"Making white men the ultimate sought after prize. You are the ones that de-value yourselves by being all over white guys"???

 

"White men" are not the "sought after prize." There is nothing inherently better about a "white man" than any other race, be it Asian, African-American, Hispanic or Indian. In reference to "de-valuing" myself, what does this even mean? That if I like someone outside of my race, that I am somehow participating in some form of self-hatred? Ridiculous.

 

This whole thread was started by me because I found it disheartening how there are stereotypes of Asian women and how it affects my dating life, and again, you have proven my point very clearly.

 

 

But Pandagirl, aren't white guys what you seek attention from? You have said you are not attracted to Asian guys because you were brought up in California. Well I was brought up in Virginia and I think Asian guys are goodlooking. Where you are brought up has nothing to do with it. My point is if you are Asian and you don't find your own men attractive I can see why you wouldn't think others would find you attractive.

[LoveDeluxe78]

I'm missing this concept of devaluation purely based on looks. If couples are happy with each other, who cares? I've seen plenty of couples, regardless of race where the women were much better looking than the men. The reverse also holds true, although it's true it's rare.

 

Excellent point, Leoni! I remember one of my post-breakup days (so being depressed of course) and walking around Ikea shopping for furniture and seeing all these couples who were happy and thinking, I wish I had that right now! (This was post breakup thinking of course, as I do love being single). I saw some happy couples (of all different races as I live in SF, a very diverse city), and not all of them were "attractive". I saw some happy couples where the woman was very attractive and the man, not so much, and then I also saw the opposite! Then I saw some couples, attractive or unattractive, who just looked like they were not happy to be together, and again, looks played no role in that!

 

So you make an excellent point that if a couple is happy together, who cares what they look like?!

[nopainnogain]

OK, hear me out. I'm Japanese-American. Both of my parents are Japanese, but I was born and raised in California. By most accounts, I am culturally American. I even have an embarrassing valley girl accent.

 

I feel like being an Asian woman is a disadvantage in the dating world. Though I KNOW there are MANY men who love Asian women, they aren't usually the guys I tend to like. For example, for most of my boyfriends, I have been the first Asian girl they've ever dated.

 

I'm not submissive, coy or very feminine. Sure, I wear dresses, but my humor tends to veer on the side of Sarah Silverman and I like fart jokes. I can be vaguely described as educated, creative, artsy, and relatively good-looking. I've been told I have great style. I like indie rock. Yet, all the men who approach me are old, sleazy and scary. I'm on an online dating site, and most of the men who write me are 40+ (that's not old, but a little older than I'm looking for right now).

 

I think I've been in denial for the past 30 years that being an Asian women is a "type." Just like some guys like tall, blonde, blue-eyed women, certain men will inevitably be attracted to me just because of the way I look.

 

Any other Asian women on this board who share my frustrations?!

 

I love asian chicks. I would marry one

[dilly]

Well this is an interesting thread. I'm a Chinese American man living in Utah. I have been married for 9 years, known her 14 years and am currently divorced for 1 year. My ex wife is Japanese American. Growing up in Utah I was definitely the minority, but since there were so few Asian girls, I was attracted to cute white girls and thought that the Asian girls in Utah were unattractive. This had the effect that I only dated white girls in high school. It wasn't until I did a study abroad program in Asia that I started opening my eyes to Asian girls. Not really wide but as wide as i can, sheesh! i am asian! So, now I'm divorced and dating quite a few white girls. Don't get me wrong, I'm still very much attracted to a beautiful Asian girl but honestly because of the sheer numbers of Caucasians there are much more beautiful Caucasian women to choose from.

 

So has it been tougher for me to date being an Asian man in a Caucasian world? Are we somewhat akin to the fat guy in the leopard print bikini? Somewhat...Asian women love white men and white women love white men, right?. I'm pretty f*#@&d aren't I? Not really. I think that belief does screw with self confidence somewhat. In the beginning of my single period I always thought I couldn't get the hot white girl. You know, the tall skinny blond with big boobs, or, well, I do really like the tall skinny brunette with big boobs too. Once I told myself that its not about race but its about standing out from the crowd things were a piece of cake. I'm typically a gregarious, funny, happy, confident guy (and not too bad looking according to my girlfriends) so I pretty much hit on all the good looking girls I find. My strike out percentages are pretty much on par for the average decent looking guy so I definitely think that generalization can be debunked. I've dated good looking girls but I've also dated very beautiful ones too so its not like I'm settling with the bottom of the barrel either. I should also note that I'm in my mid thirties with children and the girls I've dated ranged in their early twenties (quite few were 20 - 25, hey I like them young ok) and just a few in their thirties. What i find is that its not so much looks as it is just simply attracting women. The basic dilemma is as simple as why is it so hard to get a date irrespective of race for so many guys? Women are attracted to men that have charisma, confidence and can make them laugh. If you aren't as good looking like Brad Pitt, or as rich as Bill gates, or generally a celebrity, you have to work on your people skills to get you noticed. You just have to be aggressive and most of the time its as simple as just saying hi. Once I tickle a girls funny bone its all over. As soon as I worked on that aspect of myself, my dating life practically exploded! Don't get me wrong, early on right after my divorce I had pretty low self confidence, Hell I'd been out of practice dating for the last 14 years, and even talking to a girl I'd almost pass out! Things have certainly changed.

 

I've been Internet dating quite a bit too and it does seem to be tougher to a certain degree. The majority of the cute white girls list that they are looking for Caucasian only. Well thats because I can't convey my charisma online. LOL! Seriously though, I haven't really had a rough go of it. I wink at all the pretty girls online and my response and success ratio would be pretty much the same for if I were a white guy (I compare to my white buddies that date online). I don't currently have a steady girlfriend (the wounds of a fairly fresh divorce prevented me from entertaining that thought) but am dating several girls now that are white and two that are Asian. So in a nutshell, race for me is a small part of the equation and I only let it affect me if i start letting it mess with my head. I travel to Asia quite a bit for business and there I have no problem dating very beautiful Asian women. I don't even have to try. I actually have the pick of the litter. There- I'm a rock star baby!

 

The only real disadvantage to being an Asian guy in Utah is that I do have to work at getting women versus my very good looking white buddies that get girls hitting on them all the time without even trying. On the flip side, my frumpy white guy friends (The aforementioned fat guy in a leopard print bikini) haven't had dates in many moons and my Asian buddies don't date that much either because they believe in the stereotype. What is hard is that the white girls do subscribe to the stereotype that Asian men are less desirable so it makes it that much harder at the get go to make them see that we aren't. I'm always up for the challenge, plus I'm not really the typical Asian man - I'm not the timid, geeky, short guy - I've converted. Amazing what Timothy Robbins, working out, and bone elongation will do for you! J/K!

 

Now if i were a black male living in Utah, I would have the pick of the litter without even trying. The black guys here are always with either a very attractive white girl or a BBW - Black guys like the booty. I have black friends and they tell me that the oppressive Mormon society here churns out girls that want to buck the system a bit, coupled with the fact that black guys are really aggressive and quite the Lotharios. I should add that my ex wife is currently in a LTR with a black guy. And fyi (since we are talking about attractiveness) he is not a very good looking black guy either. I always joke with her that she could have picked a better looking boyfriend (the opinion of many of her girlfriends not just me) and she agrees but that love is more than skin deep...yeah, whatever. i do have to divulge that my ex wife happens to be a knockout and has to carry a stick to beat off her suitors. Really good thing that her new boy friend happens to be very large. Ha Ha!

 

This brings me to the other so called disadvantage. A lot of the Asian girls do only go for white guys but not all. I'm certainly not crying over the ones that aren't. And I can say this without getting flamed like BlueEyedGirl did because i am Asian, but from my observation, a lot of the so so to pretty Asian women are with some pretty average white guys at best. What I do note is that I do see the majority of the knockout Asian women with Asian men still. I was just recently at a Japanese festival and thats just what i observed. So I don't really think I'm screwed in that department either.

 

So after all that rambling. I think the race thing is a bunch of hooey. You can debunk that stereotype.

[woods321]

Well it depends on how you look at it.

 

First of all, there aren't that many hot people to begin with. You also see many hot white girls with avg white men that have money.

 

Most asian women are slender which right off the bat makes them more attractive.

[kerrieberrie]

Hi,

 

I think me and you are kinda similar, instead I have a Geordie-est accent. Well, I do know what you mean... I don't Just attract a certain type though, although I must admit that there's a bunch of them who approaches me and the first thing they ask is, are you Chinese and then the next sentence would be 'i've never had an asian girl before' ... they put me off immediately... these guys only know asian women through 'magazines' and 'videos'....

 

However, what I have found also is, when it comes to so called 'professional' guys... we'll date, but never go much further than that.. I take it as they want to take a proper english rose home, rather than an exotic asian to their mothers?

 

The guy that I'm seeing, the way he describes his mother, in hell, there'll be anyway she'll like me... she's sooo conservative and traditional and perhaps patriotic. I really like him, but I do think that this may somehow sway his decisions a litte bit....

[kerrieberrie]

Asian women have their sights set on white men (doesn't matter who they are or what they look like as long as they are WHITE). Anyway, my friends say that while they don't mind Asian women for sex, they wouldn't consider a long term relationship with them.

 

you knew it was coming... WTF? those asian girls, you'll find, are looking for a passport --> seen little Britain? ting tongs. i'm sooo annoyed with that, I get so conscious to not look like that, that I'm tempted to wear my passport and my payslip over my neck...

 

one question is why wouldn't your friends consider a long term relationship with an asian women, beause we are a lower class? I'M FUMING>

[MaxManwell]

I don't find asian women attractive.

[stillafool]

Somewhat...Asian women love white men and white women love white men, right?.

 

Really, I thought white women loved black guys!?

[Crazy.S]

I don't find asian women attractive.

 

Even Southeast Asians?

[wierdmunky]

I also think Hollywood doesn't do Asian girls right. Lucy Lu is hott but I've seen better